Parents Who Smother (8-3-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Parents who smother their teenager’s need to be different will often see a flash fire of rebellion once the teen has a whiff of freedom.

A teenager’s need to discover their own identity is among the strongest God-given forces of humanity. They need to become their own person, not merely a clone of their parents. So when they’re smothered by overprotective parents, the typical teenager’s response is explosive rebellion.

Wise parents will stop making every decision for their teen and give them some leeway in their dress, schedule and activities so they can feel like they have some control over their own life. Yes, they’ll make mistakes, just like you did. But that, too, is an important part of growing up.

Appropriate Anger for Parents (8-2-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

While anger mustn’t control your reaction to your teenager’s mistakes, there is a way to express your anger appropriately.

The Bible says, “Be angry but sin not.” It doesn’t say, “Never be angry.” Likewise, in parenting, anger is appropriate when it is expressed in regard to your own feelings of concern for your child’s safety. For instance you might say, “It really upsets me that you didn’t come home right after school.”

Anger should never turn mean, intimidating or demeaning, so if you cannot control it, let your spouse handle the discipline. But being honest about your own feelings can be a healthy way to discuss your teen’s misbehavior, since they really don’t want to upset you.

WEEKEND: Consistency in Parenting is Key (7-31-2010)

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Disciplining teens is rarely easy. However, parents can do their part by being clear and consistent . . . never wavering on expectations and follow-through. In this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston provides guidance for the purpose and standards of discipline in your home.

Parents Can Be A Sounding Board (7-30-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Is your teenager questioning their faith? You bet they are!

Some parents foolishly shame their teen and cut them off for questioning their faith. But how else will you understand what they are thinking unless you allow them to talk about it? And why should they listen to your beliefs if you fail to listen to theirs?

Wise parents are a sounding board for their teenager, no matter how far off base their beliefs have become. They realize that they can still influence their teen’s thinking for years to come, so they aren’t threatened by such discussions. They see it as an opportunity to learn what their teen is thinking and what needs to be better explained in the future.

Rebellion Or Not? (7-29-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Blaming sudden teen misbehavior on sin and rebellion can overlook other factors in a teen’s life that may be igniting such behavior.

Christian parents can be severely tested when their teenager gets off track in life. While some are quick to consider it rebellion against them and God, a teen’s misbehavior may be less sinister than that. Perhaps there is something on the inside needing to get out, but it is displayed in an immature and inappropriate way?

Often, the root of misbehavior isn’t rebellion at all. It is a loss in their life or some other unmet emotional need. So the question parents should ask is this: “Has something happened in their life that has caused them to get off track?”

Help Teens Find Their Purpose (7-28-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

One of the most important life questions your teen will begin asking and wrestling with is, “What’s my purpose on this earth?”

For a lot of kids today, their only motivation in life is their next purchase. No wonder suicide rates are skyrocketing among teens! They have so little to live for.

Nothing matters more than your teen knowing their purpose in life, and nothing can compensate for not knowing it. It gives meaning to their life and each step along the way. It motivates them to prepare for and save themselves for that purpose, and to avoid anything that might get in the way. It simplifies their life and removes confusion.

So, does your teen know their purpose?

Discuss The Options (7-27-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Parents are sometimes so intent on passing along their values and beliefs that they send the wrong message to their teen – one that says, “Your opinion doesn’t matter.”

One sure way to set up a power struggle with your teen is to make them feel like their opinions are stupid, or that some things cannot discussed with you.

A more productive way to respond is to ask thoughtful questions and discuss other options. It will teach them to think things through, rather than acting on the first idea that comes to mind.

Teaching a teen to weigh the options and foresee the results is a valuable tool they’ll use again and again throughout their life.

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WE’RE COMING TO THE NEW YORK AREA…I will be in the New York area for the first leg of our Turbulence Ahead Tour September 19-26. So far, we are planning a Turbulence Ahead Seminar on September 25 and 26 in Long Island, New York. If you live in the area and would like me to come speak to your church or group, please contact Sam Sheeley in our office at 903.668.2173, or e-mail him at Sam@TurbulenceAhead.org.

Listen Without Responding (7-26-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

I see two extremes in the way parents listen to their teenagers, and neither is very helpful.

Some parents listen carefully, but then react and tear apart every word. Others assume they already know what their teen is going to say, so they interrupt without letting their teen finish.

As difficult as it can be to hear out your teen, I believe it is better to know what they are really trying to say. Sometimes they are just processing their thoughts by thinking out loud.

 So listen more than you respond.  Poor listeners may see their teen picking fights or mouthing off just to get their point across. I hope your teen doesn’t have to resort to that.

WEEKEND: Making Wise Choices (7-24-2010)

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Teens today experience countless challenges to making wise choices. Unfortunately, parents are faced with the temptation to be “Super Parents,” protecting or rescuing their children from the natural consequences of their actions. On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston teaches parents to help their teens learn experientially and grow in maturity.

Teen Dishonesty (7-23-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Dishonesty is on the rise in all sectors of our society. When kids see it as a strategy to get ahead — like what’s portrayed on most reality TV shows — it’s natural for them to emulate it.

Kids lie and cheat for the same reasons that adults lie…to lift themselves up, to get ahead, to destroy their competition, or to protect themselves. They see others getting away with it, so they adopt untruth as well. Some see it as a game or take pride in their ability to deceive.

Parents should be on the lookout for lying and cheating in their teen. Catching and dealing with it early on will help avoid bigger problems in the future.

When Evidence Is Found (7-22-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

If you find something inappropriate on your teen’s cell phone or computer, calmly and privately talk to your teen about it, without embarrassing them.

Discovering inappropriate photos or visits to pornographic sites by your teenager is an opportunity to calmly talk about the issue.  Don’t assume the worst. Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. You’ll be amazed how your child will respond when you speak with a gentle spirit, not one of guilt and condemnation.

The goal is to express the inappropriateness of this behavior, what God says about it, and how you will be looking out for them from now on, because you don’t want it to bring damage and heartache to their life.

Teens Hanging Out (7-21-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Just like you monitor who your teen hangs out with in your neighborhood, don’t forget to monitor who they hang out with around the world.

If your teenager uses Facebook – the largest and so far the cleanest social networking site — then make sure they “friend” you, so you can see that they and their friends are posting. Have them make their profile private, so that only you and approved friends can communicate with them.

Don’t reprimand them online or otherwise embarrass them with their friends. Just use it as monitoring. A little monitoring goes a long way toward keeping your teen from hanging around with the wrong crowd.

The Value Of A Question (7-20-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Teens expect to be lectured, so why not try something new for a change…just ask questions.

There is a lot of power in a question. Questions take some forethought, but they can lead a teenager to the same conclusion (as your lectures). And when they come up with the answers themselves, they are much more likely to act on them.

So, ask questions…the kind that make them think about things, not just yes or no questions. Ask them how they would respond in certain moral and ethical situations. Help them think it through as a dry run.

If you ever wondered what your teen is thinking, or how they will act, the best way is to stop lecturing and start posing questions.

A Challenge Parent and Teen Can Enjoy (7-19-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

A great way to build relationship with your teenager is to find a challenge you both enjoy.

Kids today have many activites at school and church, but those will do little to strengthen the parent-child relationship, even if you show up at every event to cheer them on.

Rather, you’d be wise to find an interest that you and your teen enjoy doing together. Some examples are: cooking, horseback riding, working out together, fishing, video games, astronomy, gardening, skiing, running, or camping.

Enjoy life with your teenager in a common interest, and keep an open ear, because it is usually at these times of enjoyment that teens share their deepest thoughts and questions.

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This past weekend we enjoyed a powerful ”Families in Crisis” retreat with 25 parents of difficult or struggling teenagers from around the country.  Parents were encouraged and given a game plan to end the chaos in their home and get their teenager headed in a better direction in life.  I invite you to consider coming to our next retreat, September 9-11.  For more information, visit www.familycrisisconference.com.

WEEKEND: Teen Suicide (7-17-2010)

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Teen suicide.  Whether it’s an attempt to ease pain or make a statement, sometimes kids consider a permanent solution to what may be temporary problems. This edition of Parenting Today’s Teens tackles the sensitive but important topic of suicide.  Mark Gregston helps parents understand what can lead to suicidal thoughts and behavior in their children and how to find hope in hopeless situations.

My Most Valuable Advice (7-16-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Of all the advice I ever give to parents, this is one bit of advice that you mustn’t ignore.

Here it is…schedule a time to get together with your teenager, one-on-one, at least once a week.

Go out for breakfast, coffee, or do lunch – but make it every week. It doesn’t have to take long and there is no agenda. Just do it, and let your teenager talk.

This weekly meeting is so important, I recommend making it a condition on getting their allowance or going on weekend outings.

Taking time to meet with your teen once a week will strengthen your relationship. It tells them, “I value every moment we can spend time together, because I value you.”

Teens Finding A Place Of Peace (7-15-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Your home should be a retreat for your teenager from the pressures of their life, not a place of conflict and anguish.

With all the stresses on teens today, your home needs to be that one place where your teen can find peace, encouragement and unconditional love. It should be a refuge, where they gladly return for refreshment.

If it isn’t, they’ll seek refuge in other places, like the home of their peers. They’ll hang out with friends for as many hours as they can. And they’ll participate in whatever their peers are doing, just to fit in.

Parents, your most powerful tool against negative peer pressure is to have a home that your teen loves coming home to.

Weary from Worry (7-14-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

When it comes to worrying, parents today have good reason to do so, but worrying is the least productive thing they can do.

It’s hard not to worry. There is so much that teens can get into today, and so many ways they can be taken advantage of by others.

But instead of worrying, take action! Start by developing sound rules and boundaries, and strengthen your relationship with your teen. Spend more time with them. Encourage them and show confidence that they’ll make the right decisions. Pray unceasingly for God’s protection, and then trust that what you’ve taught them will get them through.

Be a strong parent of action, confidence and trust, not a weak one weary from worry.

Learning From Your Mistakes (7-13-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

If you want your teen to talk about their problems, their mistakes and their hurts, then open up and talk honestly about some of your own.

When a parent admits their own problems, their stupid mistakes, and the messes they’ve made in life, their teenager will also feel that they can be open about their own problems. After all, you now have something in common.

It’s amazing to me how parents try to put on an appearance of perfection, while at the same time they make their teenager feel like an outsider. The teen really needs to hear the struggles the parent had when they were a teen. That’s something they can relate to.

Imperfect Lessons For Teens (7-12-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Teenagers know their parents aren’t perfect. So, if you’re pretending to be perfect, the only one you’re fooling is yourself.

Imperfect parents — and we all are – will have a hard time expecting perfection from their kids. Your teen has by now heard stories of your own teenage exploits, so they’ve already begun wondering why they can’t emulate your own missteps, or even worse. After all, you turned out okay.

So, I recommend you set the record straight by sharing the remorse you feel today for making the mistakes you made in your teen years. It won’t destroy your teen’s image of you. In fact, it will bring you two closer while also teaching them important life lessons.

WEEKEND: Bullying and Cyberbullying (7-10-2010)

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

With new methods of communication via the Internet, facebook, texting and others, kids have more avenues for the age-old problem of bullying and being bullied. On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston guides parents through monitoring destructive behavior and understanding the emotional distress of bullying and cyberbullying.

Teen Disrespect Is A Symptom (7-9-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

When respect is stepped on by either the parent or the teenager, chaos will reign in the home.

Disrespect is difficult to get under control, and it tends to spread throughout the family if it is allowed to continue. That’s why I tell parents to deal immediately and decisively with all forms of disrespect.

The first step is to be sure you maintain a respectful attitude yourself, even as you deal with their disrespect. Then get the harsh words, door slamming and threats under control by applying steep consequences.

Keep in mind that disrespect is a symptom of a deeper relational problem, not the problem itself. So begin to work on the relationship. Something has gone awry that only you can solve.

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COME JULY 15-17 TO LEARN FOR YOURSELF HOW TO TURN AROUND YOUR TEEN —  Our Families In Crisis Weekend Retreat is designed to provide the parents of difficult teens many of the skills we teach our own staff. I’ll teach you what you need to know to deal with your misbehaving teen in a totally new and more effective way.  Register here:  www.familycrisisconference.com

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Vote for Heartlight Ministries Foundation on Facebook’s Chase Community Giving program. Your vote could help our foundation get a $20,000 grant!  Vote here >>

Demanding Teens (7-8-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Teenagers can be pretty demanding these days.

When I was a teen, birthdays and Christmas were just about the only time my parents handed out gifts. As a result, I learned to work for the extras I wanted.  But kids today expect gifts every time their parents visit a store and they treat their parents more like ATM machines.

That’s why I encourage parents to back off and remind their kids, “I owe you nothing, but I want to give you everything. My job as a parent is not to give you everything you may want, but to teach you how to provide for yourself.”

Don’t give in to your teen’s feelings of entitlement. Instead, help them take responsibility for fulfilling their own wants, now and in the future.

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COME JULY 15-17 TO LEARN FOR YOURSELF HOW TO TURN AROUND YOUR TEEN —  Our Families In Crisis Weekend Retreat is designed to provide the parents of difficult teens many of the skills we teach our own staff. I’ll teach you what you need to know to deal with your misbehaving teen in a totally new and more effective way.  Register here:  www.familycrisisconference.com

Parental Intuition (7-7-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Outside of normal parental worrying, sometimes parents do know, deep down in their souls, when something is not quite right with their teenager.

Call it a mother’s intuition or a dad’s sixth sense — if you have a feeling that something is wrong with your teen, it probably is.

Teens today are living in a much different world than we grew up in. They have access to a lot of very destructive stuff, and most will want to experience what their friends are trying, just to fit in.

So, if something feels wrong with your teen, don’t deny your feelings. Stop at nothing to get to the bottom of it, before it gets out of hand.

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COME JULY 15-17 TO LEARN FOR YOURSELF HOW TO TURN AROUND YOUR TEEN —  Our Families In Crisis Weekend Retreat is designed to provide the parents of difficult teens many of the skills we teach our own staff. I’ll teach you the skills you need to cope with and direct a misbehaving teen in a totally new and more effective way.  Register here:  www.familycrisisconference.com

It Takes Two To Argue (7-6-2010)

PODCAST:

The old saying, “It takes two to have an argument,” includes parents, because I’ve found that parents can sometimes be partly to blame for the amount of arguing that goes on in the home.

Arguments tend to erupt because a parent wants to show the teen that they are still in control, while the teen no longer wants to be controlled.

So, first, make sure your rules are age-appropriate. Then, stay out of fights over other the trivial things. Allow your teen to express their point of view, and keep the discussion focused only on the issue at hand. Remember, your teen is still immature, so it’s up to you to keep the argument respectful, but it is also up to you to enforce the rules.

Still time to register and come to our Families in Crisis Retreat, July 15-17…