PODCAST SCRIPT:

How parents respond to their teenager’s occasional mess-ups is important.

Sometimes a parent can throw fuel on the flames by superheating the situation with their own anger.

So, here’s my advice. Allow the consequences to do the teaching, not your anger. Reasonable consequences will build maturity in your teen, anger will build resentment and short-circuit what the teen may have learned from their mistake.

A good way to defuse anger is to recall your own mistakes at that age. It will help cool things down so you can deal more effectively with your teen’s mistake and the application of consequences.

Then, one day both of you will be able to laugh at some of the stupid stunts you both pulled when you were teenagers.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Heartlight has a simple, four word mission statement: “Heartlight helps struggling teens.”

Do you have a personal mission statement? Does your family have a sense of direction that comes from understanding each member’s value and purpose? It doesn’t have to be a long, drawn out document. In fact, the more clear and concise, the more memorable.

Take time this week to talk with your teen about his own sense of purpose, and work on creating a mission statement for your family and each individual in your family. To get started, at the top of your list you may want to put, “We seek to honor God and one another in everything we do.”

A mission statement will build a firm foundation for your family’s future.

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Learning how to approach your teen in situations of conflict or discipline can help to build your relationship with your child. On Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston talks about turning right intentions in to right execution.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Our generation of parents have been wonderfully involved in building values and character, and developing relationships with their kids.

Too much of a good thing has a way of turning good intentions into bad outcomes. Today’s parents become overly involved and over protective, and hold the reins too tightly in an effort to protect their teen. Many times I’ve met with a mother or father who is so dependent on their teen’s relationship and presence that makes it hard for a teen to move toward independence.

Remember, true rebellion is intentional and aimed at causing pain or hardship in one’s life. False rebellion is really more of an effort to push a dependent parent away, when a teen is unable to pull away on their own.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

When you ask yourself, “Why is my child acting the way he does?” consider that an underlying need is probably driving their behavior.

A teen who wants to control everything may need to be given more personal responsibility. One who lacks confidence may need to have more opportunities to achieve and succeed. A teen may act up or make poor choices without knowing why. And that only adds to their frustration – especially if parents get agry with them as well.

If problems are becoming severe, find a good counselor that he can talk to. Through therapy he can learn what is causing his pain and find healthier ways of dealing with it.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Parents of a daughter involved in an inappropriate relationship asked me how long it would take for us to “turn her around.” They didn’t like my answer.

I have to honestly say there are no 12-step plans when it comes to fixing inappropriate behavior and correcting a teenager’s decision-making. It could take a day to see a teen turn around to healthier decisions, or it could take ten years, or it could take a lifetime. The key is to start early and deal with bad decisions at the beginning of adolescence, when they are 12 or 13.

Waiting until you think they have the ability to make their own decisins is too late, because the mistakes they can make then, can be much more severe and life-changing.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

For parents, understanding that people in pain will intensely focus on relieving that pain may help you understand why your teen is choosing to live a self-destructive lifestyle.

In an airport security line, a lady dropped her laptop computer squarely on my toe. The pain was instant. From the moment my toe was hit, my breathless focus was on my pain.

It reminded me of the teens I work with, who are in similar emotional pain. It is all they can think about. They resort to using drugs or alcohol and become angry as they seek ways to find some relief. I hope it offers you a different perspective on seemingly wayward teens. They are good kids just wanting to stop the pain in their lives.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Proverbs 12:15 says, “The way of the fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.”

The Bible says that wrong behavior is directly related to wrong thinking. Parents often say, “She does what she does, because she doesn’t care what anyone thinks of her.” Or, “My son always thinks his problem is someone else’s fault.”

Teens are generally foolish in their thinking. It goes with the territory! But by correcting wrong thinking through enforcing consequences, a parent gives a teenager time and opportunity to process some new thoughts about the way they are behaving, and ultimately correct their wrong thinking.

Eventually, as they wise up, they may even begin listening to your advice. (Imagine that!)

WEEKEND PROGRAM SUMMARY:

On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston explores the world of medical and behavioral issues that affect our teens today, offering parents some perspective on common diagnoses.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Do you believe that God is just as concerned about your teen as you are?

Sometimes a parent’s protection over their teen is motivated by fear, not by faith. And here’s what happens when you overprotect your teen. You project that the world is more mysterious and powerful than it actually is. And that God is evidently not as powerful as the forces of evil.

No wonder so many kids today choose the dark side — to protect themselves! They want to be on the side of power, not weakness. So, begin today demonstrating that to your teen in what you say and do. And talk about God’s mighty power every chance you get. Doing so will help them pick the right side to be on when the going gets tough.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Discipline that worked when your teen was a child loses its effectiveness in the teen years.

When talking about discipline with teenagers, it is important to understand that it is for the purpose of helping the teen safely reach independence. As teens become young adults, they begin distinguishing right from wrong, so they need to understand the reasons behind your rules. That builds discipline in their minds and actions – especially as they experience the consequences.

So start discussing your rules and the appropriate consequences, as you’ve never had to before. You’ll be helping your teeanger understand the meaning behind the rules, not just how to avoid the consequences.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Do you ever say or do things you shouldn’t? Are there times when you share too much, or maybe not enough, when you know you should speak up?

We all have habits that belong in the junk heap. Bad behavior isn’t something just coming from your teen. Last time I checked, no one is perfect, and never will be, this side of Heaven.

It’s important for teens to hear a parent admit their flaws and failures and apologize for their own bad behavior. Doing so models exactly how the teen should behave when they do something wrong. Remember, only God is perfect. Sharing your own remorse with your teen will help them accept their faults, and let them know it is okay to be human, in need of a Savior.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

One reason our culture is so confusing for kids today is because many are being bounced back and forth between households under shared custody agreements.

Having two sets of parents and their different sets of rules and expectations is less than ideal, but thankfully, teens are capable of adapting to it. Both parents can help reduce the stress by being clear about the basic rules for either household. For the sake of their child they’ll guard themselves from being lax about the rules as a way of gaining the favor of the teen. And most of all, they will keep in mind that the purpose of custody – even split custody – is to be a parent to the teen, not act like a peer.

Podcast Script:

Have you faithfully taught your child God’s truths, but now fear those truths are being forsaken?

When an older child’s behavior resembles nothing of the values you’ve taught them, be assured that the influence of your example and teaching won’t fall on deaf ears – at least not for long. Scripture says, “When they are old they will not depart from it.”

In other words, everything parents teach their children will one day come around to impact their lives. But the timing is in God’s hands. All we can do in the meantime is to love and accept them unconditionally, even as God also loves us. And pray that God will use His truths to transform their hearts.

WEEKEND PROGRAM SUMMARY:

Have you ever been “fired” by your teen? They don’t want your help, guidance or involvement in their life… and it’s devastating for parents. Learn to see this as an opportunity for growth in your family on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens with Mark Gregston.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

When a teenager’s behavior becomes agitated and upset without reason, it can be because they are thinking about themselves in a new way.

Younger children generally don’t care what others think; but all of that changes in adolescence. Carefree living can quickly turn into brutal self-awareness.

When a teenager appears agitated, it may be because they feel rejected or unaccepted by others, or don’t quite know how to fit in.

Parents can help by remembering their own feelings of insecurity in the teen years and offer loving words of encouragement, affirmation, and empathy to their teen. When appearing angry or down, keep in mind that teenager insecurity may be the cause, not rebellion, so a little grace may what’s needed to help them get through it.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

We talk a lot on this program about difficult teens, but what about the good kids?

Sometimes parents wonder why we don’t spend more time talking about good kids. Fact is, most teenagers get through adolescence without a scratch. They do well and go on to greater things as mature adults.

These kids and their parents are fortunate. But since they aren’t struggling, it doesn’t make a lot of sense talking about solutions. That would be like firemen pouring water on a house that’s not burning.

Parenting Today’s Teens and the Heartlight residential counseling program are here to help you if you are at a loss for what to do with your teenager’s behavior. Please see our Heartlight website or call us if you need help.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

I often hear from concerned parents who are bothered by the way their teenager dresses.

When I was in high school my dad hated my bushy sideburns, my purple bell bottoms and boots that came up over my knees. And, I’ll bet there were times your parents didn’t like the way you dressed in your teen years.

But for the most part, the way kids dress is just a fad. It doesn’t mean much of anything. It’s just a way for them to fit in with the crowd and not be singled out.

I recommend drawing the line on modesty, but don’t go crazy micro-managing the way they dress. Fads will pass soon enough and even they will laugh at themselves later, just like you and I do.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

There are two things that last in this world: the Word of God and relationships – both are eternal.

Relationship means involvement. It’s all about spending quality time and quantity time with your teen. It’s about making it a priority.

Through relationships, we can communicate a better way of living, a different view of life, and share our personal faith. Relationships are a model to your teen for their own marriage and parenting.

Relationships are not short-term. In fact, relationships are forever. And your teen needs a relationship with you more than any thing you could ever offer.

You can’t touch or see a sense of significance, but that is what your teen longs for, and it’s through a loving relationship with you that they’ll find it.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Parents pretending to be perfect to their kids in the teen years are actually demonstrating their own imperfection.

When kids are little, mom and dad are like Superman and Wonder Woman, but teenagers can see the cracks in the armor. They know you aren’t perfect, so don’t be hypocritical in trying to be. 

Acknowledging that you aren’t perfect won’t destroy your teen’s high regard, nor damage your relationship. In fact, it can bring you two closer and it will affirm what they already know – that nobody’s perfect! 

Sharing your own imperfections and lifelong desire to grow into a better person will allow your teen to feel a more comfortable in their own skin, knowing they aren’t the only imperfect ones in the family.

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Moms and dads need to shift their parenting style with pre-teens in order to build responsibility before they become teenagers. Learn how on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens with Mark Gregston. Special guest: Dee Dee Mayer.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Have you ever considered the “Train up a child” scriptural reference to have both spiritual and practical implications?

Spiritual training is important, but it’s also important for parents to teach their kids how to handle money, how to work, how to clean, how to plan for the future, and even how to cook and shop for their own needs.

Don’t expect institutions to teach these basics of life. With all your determination, focus on teaching the basics, one by one, until each lesson is learned.

The bottom line is this…it is up to you, and only you, to train your kids for success in life, spiritually and practically.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Mark Twain may well have been giving advice to the parents of teenagers when he quipped, “Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.”

When teens begin to experience life, they will make mistakes. Lots of them. That’s natural. It’s even a good sign when they struggle a bit. It means they are interacting with the world and learning through their experiences while they are still at home, when mom and dad can give them guidance and develop appropriate boundaries.

So, look at your teen’s mistakes as golden learning opportunities. Hold them accountable, but do so with an ever deepening relationship that says, “Yes, I know you will make mistakes, but I will continue to love you anyway, and I’ll help you make better choices next time.”

PODCAST SCRIPT:

So, what’s a parent to do when their child reaches the teen years and begins to show maturity?

Here’s what I recommend:

1) Loosen the reins, but remain watchful.

2) Continue to have a presence in their life; not one that dominates or hovers, but one that guides and limits when necessary, and sets them free to soar when appropriate.

3) Keep connected with the tools of their trade, like text messaging, cell phones, and social networking.

4) Invite their friends into your home, so you can get to know them.

5) Find some fun things you enjoy doing together.

6) And above all else, be sure to meet with them individually once a week, mostly just to listen to what’s on their heart.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

The latest “Report Card on the Ethics of American Youth” (by the Josephson Institute of Ethics) shows that teens are lying more often, and more easily, than ever.

Dishonesty may seem like a minor issue in comparison to other adolescent problems like drug abuse or sexual promiscuity, but it is a vice that parents should never ignore or allow to creep into the teen’s lifestyle.

Dishonesty is rooted in an attitude of disrespect; disrespect for others, for authority, and for your family’s values. It won’t go away with the mere passage of time. It will reappear at significant stress points in your child’s life, and that can land them in real trouble. So, deal immediately with every instance of dishonesty today, and you’ll be avoiding bigger problems tomorrow.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

There is a vital link between the amount of time you spend listening to your teenager and their willingness to listen to you in return.

A friend told me this story. He said, “My son was upset about something and wanted to talk it about it at that very moment. But he caught me in the middle of something. So I only half listened, and made no eye contact. When I was finished, I went back to talk to him… but he only half listened, and wouldn’t make eye contact. I asked why and he said ‘Why should I do that for you, when you didn’t for me.’”

The dad apologized and learned to listen to be a better listener, thereby assuring that his teen would do the same.

WEEKLY PROGRAM SUMMARY:

Moms and dads need to shift their parenting style with pre-teens in order to build responsibility before they become teenagers. Learn how on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens with Mark Gregston.

Special Guest: DeeDee Mayer is a wife, mother of three and Bible teacher. She is a licensed therapist with over 12 years experience in private practice, including extensive work with adolescents.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

To a frustrated parent, a teenager breaking the household rules is no laughing matter. But maybe it should be!

When disciplining a teenager, adding some levity to the discussion reduces the tension and focuses on the teen’s misbehavior without sounding angry or upset with them personally.

For instance, when I confront kids I usually do so with a big smile, saying, “wow! You really blew it! What happened?” It tends to make the teen respond, “Yeah, I guess I did,” and getting them to take ownership for their mistake is a healthy first step.

The point is this, let the consequences do the teaching, not your anger.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

The way that you manage confrontation with your teen is more important than you think.

When confronting teen misbehavior, focus on their actions — something they can control — not their character or who they are as a person.

Do this by keeping the word “you” to a minimum. For instance, instead of saying, “You broke curfew,” say, “Curfew was broken.” It seems like a little thing, but as soon as you use the word “you,” the teen feels as though they are being attacked personally, not their behavior.

Parents can encourage their teenager by letting them know they have it within them to do better. Their character will be shaped over time, even as misbehavior is appropriately dealt with.

Still time to register for the Families in Crisis Retreat, Feb. 18-20.  Register here: http://www.familycrisisconference.com.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

I haven’t met a teen yet who doesn’t want to know they will continue to be loved when they’ve made mistakes.

When teenagers break the rules, the best way to demonstrate your continued love for them is to take care in the way you confront their misbehavior. That is, by avoiding anger and toxic words of shame and disappointment.

Start your words of discipline with why you are confronting their misbehavior, which is because you love them and want to help them avoid bigger problems later in life. Then in a respectful and calm demeanor, hand out appropriate consequences, which will be what teach the lessons they need to learn. Focus on fixing the behavior, not the person, since behaviors can be changed, but people rarely do.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

If you are having struggles with your teenager, don’t view it as parental failure, but as an opportunity to trust God and learn more.

Struggles create opportunities for families to strengthen and lean on God, not on their own understanding. The way in which you face the struggle is a far better measure of good parenting than whether you struggle or not.

As your teen gets older, shift your parenting role from navigator to trusted tour guide. And when they get off track or appear to be lost, don’t respond with anger, fear or anxiety. Instead, lovingly but firmly help them find their way back on the right path.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Mom and dad had no idea their young son was being sexually abused by a friend of the family. On the surface, their child had become angry, irritable, and depressed. They thought he was just being rebellious.

When a teen starts traveling down the wrong road, there may be shocking underlying causes, like abuse, drug use, hormonal imbalances or even bullying in school. So a parent too quick to label their misbehavior “rebellious” might miss the true heart of what’s going on and push the teen even further into despair.

If the behavior you see is unusual for your teenager, look for hidden causes. And spend more time connecting with your teen, seeking professional counsel if help is needed to reveal the problem’s source.

Reminder:  our next Families in Crisis workshop is Feb 18-20.  Learn more at http://www.familycrisisconference.com.

WEEKLY HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

The second half of a rebroadcast of Mark Gregston’s interview on FamilyLife Today with Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine.  On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark brings a family to tell their story of teen heartache and healing.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

When I look back at my own life, my work, and my daily fulfilling God’s purpose for my life . . . I get excited all over again.

I grew up believing that God has a plan for my life. So, I grasped that promise and listened to God’s call, finding my purpose in helping teenagers. I’m daily reassured of His presence, I love His involvement, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am living at the center of His will.

Do you have that same assurance? There’s no place more comforting and fulfilling than to be squarely in the center of God’s will, living a life of purpose. And for teens, there’s no better time to launch a purposeful direction in life, than right now.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Helen Keller was blind, but she lived life with purpose. She said, “Many people have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.”

A good place for a teenager to begin the search for a worthy purpose is to understand that purpose has to do with serving God and others, not one’s self. It can be found in applying their talents to activities that give them goose bumps or a tear in their eye when they think about them.

I am convinced that if more kids knew their true purpose, they’d have fewer struggles in the teen years. They’d feel a sense of meaning. They’d know where they are headed and concentrate on getting there.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

“What’s my purpose?” may be the most important question your teenager will ever ask in this lifetime. So, what are you doing to help your teen find their purpose?

A parent’s goal should be to help their teen uncover their own talents, their strengths, their values, and their passion. How? By experiencing new things and developing a plan – any plan, even if it is just a first step. Doing so will help them live life with intent.

As for me, I stand on His promises, I’m assured of His presence, I love His involvement, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am living in the center of His purpose for my life. Is your teen living life with the same assurance?

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Nothing matters more than your teen knowing God’s purpose for their life.

Knowing your purpose gives meaning to your life and each step along the way. It motivates you to prepare, to save yourself for that purpose, and to avoid anything that might get in the way. Knowing your purpose simplifies your life and removes confusion.

Sounds like the perfect remedy for aimless and confused teenagers, right?

It’s comforting for teens to know that God has a perfect game plan that will fit them like a glove if they will only seek it. So help them find God’s purpose in their life. It begins with understanding their God-given talents and matching them with a vocation that’s true to their heart.

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Learn about the Families in Crisis Conference (Feb 18-20): http://www.familycrisisconference.com

PODCAST SCRIPT:

As kids mature in the teen years, they begin searching for meaning in life and purpose for living.

One of the most important life questions your teen will begin wrestling with is: “Why am I here?” Or “What’s my purpose on this earth?” Without a purpose, life becomes trivial and motion without meaning.

Parents can help their teens discover their gifts and find their purpose by giving them plenty of opportunities to participate in new experiences to stretch their wings.

Remember, God doesn’t give all the details at once, nor does He promise it will be a smooth ride. Instead, He often provides just enough information to help us move another mile down the road. So, teach your teen to watch for the road signs along the way.

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Join us for our next Families in Crisis retreat, coming up February 18-20.

WEEKLY PROGRAM SUMMARY:

George and Olivia Dunklin enrolled their daughter, Megan, to live at Heartlight for a year. On this program they tell their emotional story of what behaviors in their teenager led them to that difficult decision. This is a rebroadcast of Mark Gregston’s interview on FamilyLife Today with Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

It’s good to teach your teenager how to best cope with the stresses of everyday life.

Teenagers today say they have more stress, but they don’t know how to handle it very well. So, take some time to teach them.

First, if your teenager has too busy a schedule, help them cut out something. They may not know that’s even an option. Explain the need for occasional breaks and exercise. Let them know they can always talk to you about any matter. And be honest about your own stresses, like finances and jobs, since teens tend to think the worse when they aren’t informed.

Finally, work at bringing some humor and fun into your home, including scheduling regular fun outings together.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

When your teenager messes up, and they will, how do you go about handling it?

First, don’t let anger get in the way of fulfilling your role as a parent. Remember, anger is the result of your own thinking or hurt feelings, not what your teenager is doing.

Speak truthfully and always use the past tense when talking about their behavior. For example, say, “you lied” rather than saying, “you always lie.” In that way you are talking about it as a past mistake that can be corrected versus a character flaw.

Then, once you have examined your child’s actions and applied the appropriate consequences, don’t bring it up again. Forgiveness helps your teenager learn to also forgive himself and move on to better behavior.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Some parents feel that they can wield their relationship and their love as a club to keep their children in line. I strongly disagree.

I believe that teens should spend the night in jail when they get in trouble, pay their own fines, suffer consequences for irresponsibility, and learn the hard way from their immature choices.

But I also strongly believe that the threat of losing a relationship with their parents should never be a bargaining tool or used as a weapon. God calls us to love our children in the midst of their sin.

Yes, know what you believe and where you stand. But don’t ever reject the one whom God has placed in your life for a reason.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

The old saying, “You can’t judge a book by its cover,” applies to teens who seem to be going through a phase of rebellious behavior.

Many teens are incorrectly labeled as “rebels” by parents or authorities because they are displaying the same inappropriate behavior as the truly rebellious kids. They appear to be rebellious, but they’re really just responding to pain or losses in their life by waving a big red flag and hoping someone will notice.

Therefore, wise parents will handle rebellion by first uncovering and then putting a stop to whatever is causing the pain in their life. Should a teen’s clumsy actions be misunderstood and mishandled by insensitive parents, it can fuel the fires of true rebellion.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

To show your teenager you’re really on their side, begin talking about ways to give them more freedoms.

Periodically talk to your teen about ways for them to gain more freedom and independence, right along with more responsibilities. They’ll welcome the challenge, and you’ll also be able to share the boundaries and consequences for stepping over the line. If you just can’t give up control of some areas now, tell them to show their trustworthiness by working on those areas first. That will also keep them accountable.

It may not feel like it’s time to begin loosening the reins at age 13 or 14, but if done right and with clear boundaries, it is better to do it a little early than too late.

Connect with Mark on Facebook.

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Many parents look at the inappropriate behavior of their teen and overestimate the situation. On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston helps mom and dads distinguish between small issues and massive problems that are hidden beneath the surface. Special guest Jim Burns, Ph.D., President of HomeWord is the host of the HomeWord with Jim Burns radio program. He is the author of many resources including books on marriage and family.

Connect with Mark on Facebook.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Parents can sometimes make mistakes in what they say or do, and like large stones thrown into a pond, their actions ripple out and can cause rebellion in the life of their teenager.

A rebellious teen can be seething with anger, and the key to changing their unacceptable behavior is to get to the root of that anger. But it’s sometimes the parents’ own cutting words, actions, or even their inaction, that are the catalyst for their teen’s anger. In that case, improvements usually won’t come about until the parents accept responsibility and sincerely apologize to the teen.

When you know you’ve wronged your teen, saying “I’m sorry” can calm the ripples your mistake has made in your teen’s life and reverse their rebellious behavior.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

To “belong” is your child’s underlying goal, so how you approach them about misbehavior can make all the difference.

I often tell parents to be discerning of the moment. When a teenager expects anger and punishment, maybe give them a big hug instead. Remember, the behavior may be bad, but the child isn’t. Underneath their sometimes abrasive exterior, they want to belong. And if they don’t feel like they “belong” at home, they’ll seek out other places to belong.

Never make a child feel as though they are an outsider in your family, no matter how badly they act. Being your child’s parent means to both hand out consequences for bad behavior, and to also offer plenty of love, acceptance and “belonging” at the same time.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

If parents asked more questions of teens, problems wouldn’t escalate into disasters.

I have found that parents don’t ask enough questions. Perhaps that’s because they just don’t believe that babysitters, relatives, step-children or even teachers will abuse their child. And they don’t think their teenager will ever use drugs, become sexually involved, think of suicide or shoplift. But wise parents understand that these can happen, and they are always on the lookout.

The power of asking questions is amazing. So get the conversation going by asking, “What’s the best thing that happened to you today?” Then, “What’s the worst?” And give your teen your undivided attention a few minutes every day, constantly assuring them that they can always express themselves freely to you about anything.

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PODCAST SCRIPT:

If a teenager shares what is on her heart, and a parent misses it by not really listening, that’s when she’ll quit sharing altogether.

Teens want someone who will listen to them.  If your teen is in the shutdown mode, there is a reason.  And that may be that you don’t listen to what’s really being said.

Dads may hear the words, but what’s unsaid and the visual clues usually don’t make it through their logical filter. So, dad’s, it’s time to change the filters.  Sit down with your teen in a setting conducive to talking.  Try to focus on the heart of what’s being said, not the words and not the logic.

Just listen to your teen, and she just might open her heart to you.
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PODCAST SCRIPT:

Does your teenager seem more stressed out these days?

The American Psychological Association has found that a third of teenagers report feeling more stress this year than just a year ago; about family finances, over what comes after high school and about school in general. What’s more surprising is that their parents for the most part seem oblivious to their teenager’s stress levels.

Symptoms of stress can include: irritability, being sensitive to criticism, habits such as nail-biting, sleeping problems, substance abuse, indigestion, loss of concentration, and headaches.

Does that sound like your teen? If so, you can help by ensuring you home is a refuge not a battle ground, and by encouraging them to talk about the stresses in their life.

WEEKLY HALF-HOUR PROGRAM SUMMARY:

For parents, it’s easy to get distracted – even becoming too busy to notice what’s going on in a teen’s life.  Learn how to take advantage of the opportunity to make a change in your family . . .  on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens with Mark Gregston.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

A positive word, hug or smile every day may be all it takes to propel your teenager to success.

According to former pastor and leading business author John C. Maxwell, “Man does not live on bread alone: sometimes he needs a little buttering up!”

Teens need “buttering up” more than anyone else. Words they would benefit from hearing more often are: “Thanks! You really made a difference,” or, “I couldn’t have done it better myself,” or, “I enjoyed working on that with you.”

And be on the lookout for improvements to praise, not just the successes. You can even make encouragement a family thing by asking everyone at dinner to name 3 things each family member either does well or has improved.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Teenagers tend to think in terms of the here and now, not lifelong consequences for their actions.

Why do kids take unnecessary risks? It’s because they rarely think about the future. That’s why it’s important for parents to point out short term consequences for doing wrong.

For instance, saying, “Smoking makes you cough and your clothes and will breath smell bad” is actually more of a deterrent than saying, “You could die someday from cancer.” And with alcohol, saying, “It can make you do stupid things you’ll regret, and you’ll lose your license if we find out” are more persuasive than saying, “It could eventually ruin your liver.”

So, be sure to think in the here and now when warning your teenager. The future holds little meaning to them.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

In some homes, arguing with parents isn’t allowed. But if done right, arguing can be good thing.

Conflict isn’t always bad. It can reveal things both you and your teen to deal with, but there are some do’s and don’ts of arguing.

The do’s are: always maintain respect, focus on the problem, be specific about your complaint, and find a way to compromise, if possible.

The don’ts are: no name-calling, no questioning motives, and no bringing up the past.

One person talks at a time, then the listener repeats the gist of what the other said before getting a turn. If respect breaks down, then stop to allow things to cool down before starting again. Learning how to argue respectfully is an important skill every teen needs to learn.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Did you know your teenager’s self-esteem is at least partly in your hands?

We all know that self-esteem is important, so here are a few ways you can build it in your teenager:

First, ask their opinion, and respect it, and make them feel more useful in your home by helping with some of the “adult” chores, like writing checks for the bills or making a dish for dinner. Don’t do for them what they can do for themselves; and allow them to overhear you praising them to others.

Fact is, what they “over-hear” is far more potent than what they are told directly, though they need to be told as well. Amazingly, even teenagers believe what their parents say, so be sure what you say builds them up.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

When you talk to teenagers, do it mostly with your eyes and ears.

I’ve always believed that problems are best solved when they are small. And with teens, parents sometimes get in the way by talking too much.

So do this. When your child talks, be sure to stop everything to listen. Allow them to complete their thought before you respond. Then repeat what you heard them say to ensure that you understand them correctly.

Keep in mind that they may test you by telling you just part of the story, to first see how you’ll respond. It’s not until you get the full story can you help them solve the problem — before it gets too big. So keep them talking and praise them for sharing!

WEEKLY PODCAST SUMMARY:

Every teen runs into difficulty, it’s part of the human experience. But when parents haven’t prepared them to function in this culture… teens will respond one of three ways: fight, flight or freeze. Mark Gregston reviews each reaction on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

When teens mess up, they are usually not doing so to hurt you, or to reject everything you’ve taught them. So, be sure to take a minute to gain some perspective before responding.

You might be thinking, “You have no idea what I’ve been going through with my child.” But since I live with 50 teens, I can well imagine.

Even so, you need to understand that teens are being influenced by a culture that is giving them permission and license to do these things. It doesn’t mean that they’ve lost their way; they’ve just stepped off the path and need to be nudged back with appropriate consequences, seasoned with an attitude of love, compassion and empathy.

Before responding, be sure to put yourself in their shoes.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

When teens have difficulty in school, parents should look at what is fueling that difficulty, without allowing their teen to be labeled a “problem child”.

Most problems with teens begin to show themselves in the school setting, where they are expected to fit into a standardized level of learning appropriate to their age. Most kids adapt, but many are either bored with the slow pace or overwhelmed by it all. They eventually give up and begin acting up.

Some of the brightest kids I’ve ever met were labeled a “problem child” by school officials. So, for teens who don’t fit in, a wise parent will look for alternate educational options, before they take the negative labeling to heart and really become a problem child.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Parents concerned about the salvation of their older children can take hope from the vigilance of a 3rd century mother.

Monica lived in a Pagan culture, but she – a devout Christian — prayed for her children daily. Even so, it wasn’t until a crisis in his life at age 33 that her son, Augustine, accepted salvation, later becoming one of the most influential figures in Christianity.

Like Augustine, kids today live in a difficult culture, but we can take courage from his admonition that, “God is not a deceiver, that He should offer to support us, and then when we lean upon Him, should slip away from us.”

So, lean on God, and He’ll be faithful to be there when your child finally sees the folly of his ways.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

While kids can get off track all on their own, one of my heroes, Chuck Swindoll, says that parents can be the ones who push them off track.

Listen to the words of Chuck Swindoll, who says, “You want to mess up the minds of your children? Here’s how – guaranteed! Rear them in a legalistic, tight context of external religion, where performance is more important than reality. Fake your faith. Sneak around and pretend your spirituality. And train your children to do the same. Embrace a long list of do’s and don’ts publicly but hypocritically practice them privately…yet never own up to the fact that it’s hypocrisy. Act one way, but live another, and you can count on it – emotional and spiritual damage will occur.”

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Parents of teens need to quit asking “Why?” and begin to ask “Why not?” in regard to delegating decision making.

Looking at our culture it is understandable that parents want to protect their teenagers, but the goal of parenting is to help kids build muscles so they can survive in the real world. They’ll never feel confident making decisions if they aren’t empowered and trusted to make some choices on their own.

Think of it this way…who in their right mind believes that a 16-year-old is capable of driving a car? You may not feel comfortable with it, but you begin preparing a child for it anyway. Likewise, you’d be wise to find other ways the teen can drive their own life, and not do all the driving for them.

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WEEKLY PROGRAM SUMMARY:

In the last few decades, the culture has changed drastically. The world you grew up in is entirely different than the one your kids are growing up in. So, how do you speak their language? How can you stay in touch with what your teen is going through? Get answers on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens with Mark Gregston.

Special Guest: Drew Sams, pastor of high school students at Calvary Community Church in Westlake Village, California.

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Just because your teenager has a relationship with the Lord it doesn’t mean he’ll love going to your church. And just because he loves the church doesn’t mean he has a relationship with the Lord.

In the high school years, every kid needs to shift to owning their own faith. They need social interaction and to be in a community where they can explore their faith and walk with Christ.

If your teen fights attending church, I recommend helping them find a church or youth group they enjoy attending. Treat it as an opportunity for honest and respectful discussion and exploration.

Forcing them may win the battle today, but you’ll likely lose the war tomorrow, because nearly 9 out of 10 church-going teens never return to church once they leave home.

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

A good way to counteract selfishness and financial foolishness in a teenager is to teach them to give of themselves and their finances to others in need.

Every teenager needs to experience helping the less fortunate. Wise parents will periodically take them to the local mission to volunteer in the food line. They’ll require that they sponsor a needy child with their own money. Or they’ll visit and help kids in poor neighborhoods or countries where the children there have nothing and are appreciative of everything.

When teenagers interact with others who are helpless and in desperate need, they soon realize and appreciate how fortunate they really are and how important it is for them to manage their own money and their own future.

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

In a world where parents indulge their kids with everything they want, it would seem that these kids would be especially grateful. Instead, a generation has become selfish, self-centered, and unprepared for real life.

Many parents lavishly give material things to their kids. Some say it is their “right” to spoil their kids — and there is truth to that. The truth is not as much regarding the parent’s rights, but that, yes, it will spoil their kids!

Unbridled spending on kids can lead to selfish attitudes and feelings of entitlement, immaturity, irresponsibility, and selfishness.

I know it’s tough for loving parents to limit their giving of material things to their children, but they’d be wise to keep it in check.

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Since teens are somewhat limited in their ability to solve problems, they need parents who will demonstrate how they solve their own problems.

Teens often don’t have the maturity to unravel life’s bigger issues, and they don’t understand how to change their behavior in order to help themselves.

That’s where a wise parent comes in. Demonstrating your own resources for managing frustration is one good way to teach your teen how to handle their own:

• Tell them how you go about solving problems at work, or with your spouse.
• Let them know you need and daily seek God’s help, and that you don’t have all the answers.

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Which kind of home is yours? One that has rules or one that is ruled?

Rules should fall into three main areas of concern which are foundational to all other character issues. They are: honesty, obedience, and respect.

When you think about the rules that govern your home, you might want to ask yourself two questions. The first is, “How much will this rule matter after I am gone or when the child is out on his own?” The second is, “Will this help build my child’s character and cause him to become more mature or responsible?”

Reasonable rulemaking and proper boundaries will help your teenager mature into a confident adult. On the other hand, living under a “ruler” can lead to frustration, rebellion and eroded self-esteem.

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WEEKEND PROGRAM SUMMARY:

For many parents of teens, 2009 was a tough year. But now, as you enjoy a holiday break with the family, take this opportunity to make some changes for 2010.

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Parents dealing with an out of control teenager tell me that they’ve tried everything they can think of, but I tell them it may be time for them to stop everything.

God often uses a troubled teen to bring about change in the life of a parent as well. And that can involve stopping one behavior while starting another…

Here’s what I tell them:

Stop lecturing… And start listening

Stop worrying… And start praying

Stop frowning… And start laughing

Stop reacting… And start responding

Stop punishing… And start disciplining

Stop ruling… And start enforcing

Stop teaching… And start trusting

Stop talking… And start hearing

If you are at a crossroads, be sure you come to a complete stop, before you start a new and better direction.

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Christmas is a celebration of God’s endless love, though we surely don’t deserve it.

Scripture is absent a parenting manual, but we are given the best role model of parenting through the example of our Heavenly Father. He’s quick to offer grace while also sure to discipline us. He never stops loving us, even when we are at our worst.

Likewise, we parents are never more godly than when we allow our children to experience the consequences of their choices, while loving them unconditionally at the same time.

Of all the gifts ever given your children, your love and your strong parenting will be what’s appreciated most when they become parents themselves. So, keep on parenting.

From the Parenting Today’s Teens and Heartlight family to yours, may this Christmas be a time of grace, peace and love in your home.

–Mark

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

I believe adoption is the best example of godliness, so I work with and encourage adoption organizations who match needy kids with great parents.

God is the ultimate authority on adoption, and I firmly believe that His hand is in every single one. Because I believe God maneuvers children into families, I also believe God is prepared to help adopted parents know what to do when their adopted child reaches the teen years, when struggles can arise.

God demonstrates adoption in the ways He has taken those of us who trust him into His own family and under His care. He understands, forgives and disciplines us. His gracious parenting style is the best example for any parent to emulate, especially those considering adoption.

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TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Some adopted kids struggle in the teen years as they seek answers to who they are, why their birth parents gave them up, and what it means for their future.

It hurts when a teenager rebels; especially when it’s an adopted child. But responding negatively or threatening abandonment is a recipe for disaster. And so is trying to fix the problem by giving the child more “things,” or more freedoms than they should have.

When adopted kids struggle, they mostly need time and stability as they work through their identity issues. They need to know their new family won’t give up on them, no matter what they do. And they’ll sometimes even get in trouble just to test their adopted parent’s love and perseverance.

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TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Parents of adopted kids are expressing grace by the very act of adoption, but they may be called on to exhibit even more grace in the teen years.

It is not unusual for adopted kids to face struggles in adolescence. The tussle involves a quest for identity and seeking answers for why they were given up by their birth mother.

If you’re an adoptive parent, understand that your teen’s behavior at this stage usually isn’t rebellion, nor lack of appreciation or love for you. Stick to your parenting and weather the storm, taking care not to break the relationship. Before long, your teenager will come around and appreciate you more than ever.

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WEEKLY PROGRAM SUMMARY:

If your teen is struggling, you know that Christmastime can be a very tense season. On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston gives counsel to families who find that slowing down to enjoy the holidays can bring more pain than joy.

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

I recently spoke to a group of parents who seemed more interested in talking than listening to what I had to say.

Teens often feel the same sense of frustration as I had in that meeting. Trying to talk to mom or dad, they can’t get a word in edgewise, or their parents too quickly jump to a conclusion, so the teen just gives up trying.

Here’s a better way to listen…

First, stop what you are doing and look your teenager in the eyes. Then, wait a few seconds before you talk, in case they haven’t said all they need to say. And finally, make your responses mostly questions, not answers, to keep them talking.

If your teenager isn’t listening to you, perhaps it’s because you’ve not been listening to them.

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Do you fear your wayward teen will make you appear like a parenting failure?

Psalms 139 says, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts.”

It is often difficult to admit to others, and even to God, that you are facing a terrible family problem, for fear that it will somehow appear to be your fault. But finding a safe haven of helpful advisors can make all the difference in coping with your difficult teen. They can reveal areas that may need to change, and help you find solutions.

Exposing the problem with your wayward teenager to godly counsel can calm your anxiety and put you and your teen on a road to recovery.

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Pain usually appears in response to our own foolishness. This is true in parenting as well.

CS Lewis once said, “Pain is God’s megaphone to a deaf world.”

Pain can be one of God’s greatest creations, because it shows us things we need to do differently.

For instance, in all of your pain while trying to turn around your teenager, you might want to consider that God has something more in store than what you can come up with on your own. He may even be revealing a change you need to make yourself, before a change will come in your teenager.

So heed the pain in your life right now. And pray for what God may be trying to show you through it, not just your teen.

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

When a teen is in trouble, they need to trust that their parent will be calm and open to discuss it, even as the consequences are applied.

James 1:9 says, “… be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. “

Teenagers sometimes want to tell their parents they’re in trouble, but are too afraid how they’ll react. They know they deserve consequences for their actions, but they don’t need a lot of anger with it. They may even need the parent’s help, but are too afraid to ask.

You’d do well to let go of your anger when your teenager has mishaps. Apply the consequences, but understand that it is an opportunity to talk, not an opportunity to criticize. Harsh words only cut off communication.

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Is there something that your teen really likes to do, that you can do together?

Organized and group events are great, but parents should look for fun things they can do individually with their teenager. It doesn’t have to be expensive. It may not even be what you’d ever think of doing yourself…like skateboarding, or going to the local arcade, but you can do it with your teenager.

Even if you cannot skateboard yourself, maybe you can help make a ramp or take your video camera to shoot your teen doing their skating tricks.

When you take time for such outings -– just the two of you — it shows your teen that you value them, and it opens up priceless opportunities to communicate.

WEEKLY HALF-HOUR PROGRAM SUMMARY:

Can you tell the difference between a teen who is rebelling and a teen who’s lost his way? Often they look very similar. On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston helps moms and dads discern if their teen is lost… and how to help him find his way home.

Special Guest: Jim Burns, Ph.D., President of HomeWord is the host of the HomeWord with Jim Burns radio program. He is the author of many resources including books on marriage and family.

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

One of my best pieces of advice is this… establish a habit of taking your teen out for a one on one breakfast or coffee once a week, and begin this practice now.

I believe spending individual time with a teenager is so important, parents even need to make it a condition of giving allowance, or allowing their teen a later curfew on a Friday night.

Even if they resist, you must insist. Even if you’re busy, make it a priority.

Though it may be difficult at first, and your teen may not say much the first few weeks, spending time together once a week will become the foundation your relationship.

Begin this practice this week and I promise you, you’ll thank me for recommending it.

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

How would you pray if your teenager is choosing a self-destructive, sinful lifestyle and nothing you do is making a difference?

When a teenager is out of control, parents need to admit that only God can bring him back to his senses, which could include an uncomfortable correction in his life.

I tell parents to pray that their teen won’t be able to hide his deeds, but that the full consequences will be experienced and learned from now, before adulthood.

Tough love applies to how you pray as well as how you act. Asking God to reveal your teenager’s disobedience may mean that he spends time in jail, or gets kicked out of school, but that may be the correction he needs before his misbehavior ruins his entire life.

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

The Bible teaches that each of us is fearfully and wonderfully made. But children aren’t ready-made adults. Character has to be taught and learned.

While kids learn a lot about reading, writing and arithmetic in school, and they learn about the Bible and right and wrong in church, parents have a unique role in teaching them character.

Think of your teen as an adult in training…a novice who needs you, the master, to teach them about life and put them in situations where their character can be molded and strengthened.

Character will be learned, but hopefully not from the real “characters” in your child’s life. So, begin this week setting up an intentional character-training agenda for your teenager.

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

If you really want to communicate with your teen, you have to understand their language. But all too often their true meaning can be lost in the translation.

Words don’t mean what they used to. For example, “sick” once meant something is bad, but now it means it is good. Things we referred to as “cool”, then “hot,” are now “fly”. And speaking of flying things,” tweets” used to be something a bird does and “I hate you” wasn’t a sometimes affectionate term.

To understand what your teenager is saying may mean having to ask, “What does that word or phrase mean?” And keep up on the abbreviations used in their texting, not only to understand your teen’s messages to you, but also their messages to others.

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Is there a family you know who is struggling with a wayward teenager? You might want to put yourself in their shoes.

Embarrassed parents will often isolate themselves and not seek help when their teen spins out of control. The struggle can take a toll on the whole family and even lead to its demise.

The best way to help such families is to be a listening ear and to let them know that teens can spin out of control in any family, regardless of how much they were loved or how well they were parented.

After all, “There but for the grace of God go I.” You, too, may someday be dealing with a struggling teen and need the support and understanding of others.

WEEKEND HALF-HOUR PROGRAM SUMMARY:

Do you feel lost? Are your kids in an unknown landscape? As parents, we’re called on to provide the moral compass for our teens and, therefore, we need to know what that looks like.

Special Guest: Dyonette “Dee Dee” Mayer — a licensed clinical social worker who has been committed to both the emotional and spiritual health of women, children, marriage and families for nearly 20 years.

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Proverbs 18:24 says, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

A teenage resident at Heartlight named Bobby once told me, “Heartlight taught me all about adversity, and growing up, and more importantly, I found a real friend there, who is more like a true brother.”

We can all consider Jesus to be our best and truest friend, who sticks closer than a brother. He is that rare blend of encouragement and strength, who touches the heart where it hurts. He is the one in whom there is full assurance of help in times of adversity, and the one who is both ready to listen and to save.

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

There are three character qualities every parent wants for their child – they are to grow up to be a competent, caring, and self-controlled adult.

Competence comes from parents giving teens more responsibility for their own choices and putting them in situations where responsibility is expected and modeled.

Caring comes from parents modeling what it means to be caring, including helping others who are less fortunate and being respectful of other people’s feelings.

And self-control is best taught by parents enacting and keeping limits in their own lives.

So, you might want to take the focus off your teen, and see what you are doing to teach your teen to be competent, caring and self-controlled.

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Peer pressure can cause any teenager to consider doing wrong. The temptation is almost irresistible. So what defenses have you given your teenager to choose what’s right?

Defenses to resist the dares of friends certainly start with a lifetime of teaching and demonstrating good morals, but they also include strong boundaries and consequences for making wrong choices. There’s nothing like knowing what’s in store. It’s one of the best defenses you can give your teen because it offers a good comeback to their friends – “If I do that, I’ll lose the car for a month!”

When given the choice between right and wrong, make sure your teen knows the consequences in advance, so they can make an informed choice.

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

When faced with an intervention by her parents, Susanna chose to turn her life around.

Before coming to Heartlight, Susanna secretly used drugs and sold them at school to support her outrageous lifestyle. When it was discovered by her parents, the out of control 17 year old faced two choices, either get help, or leave home. You see, she had also introduced drugs to her younger sister, and the parents could at least protect her.

Susanna’s parents did the right thing to hand the problem right back to their teen, with a solution that she ultimately chose – to come to Heartlight. Today she is thankful to parents who loved her enough to demonstrate tough love, breaking her from bad peer influences and wrong behavior.

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Would you ever consider opening your home to a struggling teenager; especially during the holidays?

The holidays are often one of the most difficult times for families in the process of dealing with a struggling teen. Instead of the blessings of joy and peace, parents deal with daily arrivals of disruption and despair. I’ve often heard parents wish for a place their teen could spend a weekend in order to provide everyone a cooling off period and time to regroup.

A teen spending a weekend with extended family or with adult friends of the family might be the holiday gift the distraught family needs most. It’ll take some carefully laid out ground rules, of course, but the invitation could be a hopeful blessing to the teen and his parents.

WEEKLY PROGRAM SUMMARY:

Families will always have struggles. There will be conflict and tension in every home. But step back for a few minutes with Mark Gregston and consider the things you can be thankful for as a mom or dad. It’s a refreshing program with special guest, Bill Perkins.

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Theologian John Piper’s once prodigal son, Abraham, wrote “12 Ways to Love your Wayward Child.”

Abraham Piper’s sixth suggestion is:

“Plead with them more than you rebuke them. Be gentle in your disappointment. What really concerns you is that your child is destroying herself, not that she’s breaking rules. Treat her in a way that makes this clear. She probably knows—especially if she was raised as a Christian—that what she’s doing is wrong. And she definitely knows you think it is. So she doesn’t need this pointed out. She needs to see how you are going to react to her evil. Your gentle forbearance and sorrowful hope will show her that you really do trust Jesus.”

>> To see the entire “12 Ways to Love Your Wayward Child” article, click here.

Receive Mark’s new Ten Ways to Turn Around Your Teen
107-page e-book without cost (PDF or WORD format). Share it with your friends!

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Happy Thanksgiving!

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

John Piper, theologian and author of “Desiring God,” experienced firsthand the trials of the parent of a prodigal son. And it is from that son that we can learn how to love a prodigal back to God.

Piper’s son, Abraham, says this about prodigals:

“Welcome them home. Because the deepest concern is not your child’s actions, but his heart, don’t create too many requirements for coming home. If he has any inkling to be with you, it is God giving you a chance to love him back to Jesus. Obviously there are some instances in which parents must give ultimatums: ‘don’t come to this house if you are…’ But these will be rare. Don’t lessen the likelihood of an opportunity to be with your child by too many rules.”

>> To see the entire “12 Ways to Love Your Wayward Child” article, click here.

Receive Mark’s new Ten Ways to Turn Around Your Teen
107-page e-book without cost (PDF or WORD format). Share it with your friends!

Download Now 

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Theologian John Piper’s once prodigal son, Abraham, wrote “12 Ways to Love Your Wayward Child.” Today we’ll mention another of his suggestions to parents.

Abraham Piper’s fourth suggestion is:

“Don’t expect them to be Christ-like. If your son is not a Christian, he’s not going to act like one. You know that he has forsaken the faith, so don’t expect him to live by the standards you raised him with. If he’s struggling to believe in Jesus, then there is very little significance in admitting that his lifestyle is wrong. You want to protect him, yes. But his unbelief is the most dangerous problem—not partying. No matter how your child’s unbelief exemplifies itself in his behavior, always be sure to focus more on the heart’s sickness than its symptoms.”

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Theologian John Piper’s once prodigal son, Abraham, wrote “12 Ways to Love Your Wayward Child.” Today we’ll mention two more of his suggestions to parents.

In “12 Ways to Love Your Wayward Child,” Abraham Piper’s second suggestion is:

“Pray for your child. Only God can save your son or daughter, so keep on asking that He will display Himself to them in a way that they can’t resist worshipping Him for.”

And, third, “acknowledge that something is wrong. If your daughter rejects Jesus, don’t pretend everything is fine. Each one will require parents to reach out in unique ways. Never acceptable, however, is not reaching out at all. If your child is an unbeliever, don’t ignore it. Holidays might be easier, but eternity won’t be.”

>> To see the entire “12 Ways to Love Your Wayward Child” article, click here.

Receive Mark’s new Ten Ways to Turn Around Your Teen
107-page e-book without cost (PDF or WORD format). Share it with your friends!

Download Now

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

John Piper, theologian and author of “Desiring God,” experienced firsthand the trials of the parent of a prodigal son. And it is from that son that we can learn how to love a prodigal back to God.

When Abraham Piper came back to God, he wrote the article “12 Ways to Love Your Wayward Child.”

First, he says, point them to Christ. Your rebellious child’s real problem is not their lifestyle. It is that they don’t see Jesus clearly. The best thing you can do is to point them to Christ. It is not a simple or immediate process, but the sins in their life that distress you and destroy them will only begin to fade away when they see Jesus more like He actually is.

>> To see the entire “12 Ways to Love Your Wayward Child” article click here.

WEEKLY HALF-HOUR PROGRAM SUMMARY:

Parents today want a great relationship with their child… but many are finding out that being friends with a teen often lessens their authority. This weekend on Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston welcomes special guest, Deedee Mayer in a discussion to help moms and dads who have lost their authority to discipline.

 Receive Mark’s new Ten Ways to Turn Around Your Teen
107-page e-book without cost (PDF or WORD format). Share it with your friends!

Download Now

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Parents can teach their children spiritual things, but the decision is ultimately up to the child.  

You may teach your teen everything you know about God, and they can learn the Bible forward and backward, but you cannot force them to believe.  You can be in church every time the door opens and pray for them constantly, but they have free will to choose a different path after leaving home.

Parents must do what they can to influence the right spiritual decision in their children. But God intended for each of us to have free will.  A parent can make the right decision more inviting for the child by genuinely demonstrating Christ’s love and unconditional acceptance.