PODCAST SCRIPT:

A little bit of structure can go a long way toward bringing calm back to a home in a state of chaos.

If your teenager ignores the rules, it’s time to help them know in advance what to expect the next time they do so.

Sit down and line out your rules. But keep it simple – maybe just ten major rules. Then, let them know the consequences for breaking them. After that, it’s their decision. If they choose to break your rules, they’ll also be choosing to accept the prescribed consequences.

This simple step, coupled with consistency in enforcement, will add some sanity to your home and provide more stability for your teenager.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

A healthy relationship with your teenager is founded on unconditional love.

Unconditional love is a love that never ends. It doesn’t stop when your child fails to respond like they should. It doesn’t stop when they make a mistake. And it doesn’t stop when they stop loving you.

Some parents wrongly base their love on their teen’s performance, or on good behavior. Thankfully, God doesn’t love us that way or we’d all be in trouble.

Just like our security in salvation, children gain a sense of stability and security in parental relationships that aren’t conditional. So, model God’s love today in the way you parent your children, and they will in turn better understand God’s gift to us.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Teenagers have an uncanny need for justice.

In your teen has any spunk at all, he’s going to rebel against rules that aren’t fair or equitable. The need to be treated justly is a strong drive in every teenager.

So, being hypocritical in your own life is asking your teen to rebel against the injustice of it. For instance, taking their car away for getting a speeding ticket makes no sense when they know you speed all the time. And demanding that they talk with respect to you while you talk rudely to them just doesn’t match up.

The point is this, don’t ask your teen to do anything you won’t do yourself. That’s just asking them to rebel.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Each year more than one million teenagers run away from home in the U.S.

Most teens who run away return home within a few hours or days. But some never return, leaving heartbroken parents wondering what they could have done differently.

Running away is usually a symptom of a family structure that has broken down. It can be in response to parents who are inconsistent, unbending or inflexible, or it could be the teen running to something or someone that they perceive to be better.

A counselor can help discern the underlying motivations and help the parents and teen to make minor concessions to allow the teen more of a feeling of autonomy, while also holding everyone accountable.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

When it comes to responsibilities, teenagers seem to have a better time handling the word “when” than “if.”

It’s amazing how teens pick up on a parent’s hesitancy. Saying “If you do your chores today, you can go see your friends” simply tells the teen that they have a decision to make. Do I do the chores or not? The parent who instead says “When you do your chores today…” tells the teen that the chores are expected to be done, regardless, and before anything else.

It is a subtle difference, but using the word “when” versus “if” can help a teen remain focused on the task.

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Our next Families in Crisis retreat is September 9-11.  Come get help from Mark and see the Heartlight campus.  Visit www.familycrisisconference.com to learn more.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Some parents worry too much about their teenagers.

The parent who incessantly worries about their teenager, can’t get away for a break because they’re afraid what the teen will do, and who talks only about their teen’s problems, is headed for disaster. I see it all the time. The parents get so focused on their teenager that they become quick-tempered, nervous wrecks. It draws a wedge in the marriage and the whole family can be lost.

The best thing parents can do – for themselves, their family and their teenager — is to make sure their marriage remains healthy and strong. Make that your first priority, and you’ll be much more able to deal with anything your children throw your way.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

In families with a struggling teenager, a lot of unhealthy 3rd person sniping can go on, pitting family members against each other.

When teens are struggling, they can become experts at shifting attention away from themselves, by saying deceitful things about other family members behind their backs. I call them “firestarters.” They can pit one parent against another, or the other siblings against their parents. Their smoldering fires can even cause the breakup of a family.

Parents need to understand this dynamic and agree to always stand united in regard to decisions, discipline and rules. Doing so takes the fire away from the firestarters.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Some parents simply don’t trust their teen, even if they’ve done nothing wrong.

While children should know they need to earn their parent’s trust, a certain amount of trust should be given by parents automatically. If a parent errs, it should be that they trust their children too much, not too little, at least until that trust is broken.

Trust is a form of respect. Show your teen that you trust them and they’ll more likely trust and respect you and your rules in return.

Mistrusting parents are usually those who have made big mistakes in their own life. However, their misguided attempts to protect and help their children avoid the same mistakes usually end up pushing them into rebellion.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Many parents go overboard in their generosity, focusing their entire life and fortune on their children. But what’s wrong with that?

There’s nothing wrong with giving kids a lot of attention. But going overboard on gifts and putting all your focus on your child will tend to build feelings of entitlement. They’ll begin seeing your money and your time, not as an expression of your love, but as their birthright, and they’ll demand it even more.

There’s obviously a balance here, but overdoing generosity usually creates anxious, depressed, and defiant kids. So parents, keep it real. Even if you have all the money and time in the world, hold some back. Make the times you are generous, special, unexpected experiences.

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

It’s not uncommon for parents of teens to have more questions than answers.  On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston answers tough questions from desperate parents.  He’ll help moms and dads evaluate their situation and uncover fresh ideas when nothing else works.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

If you catch your teen lying or cheating, here’s how I recommend approaching it.

Attacking dishonesty head-on can cause your teenager to simply lie more to protect himself. I’ve found a better approach is to say you’ll talk to him about it tomorrow. That gives him time to think about his misdeed and an opportunity to come forward with the truth, without feeling attacked.

The next day, when you confront his dishonesty, tell him you love him and want to help him avoid bigger problems later in life. Tell him how dishonesty is counter to your values and destructive to his future. Then affirm his ability to rebuild your trust, after he rights the wrong and experiences the appropriate consequences.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

I find it interesting that the word “Atari,” the brand name of one of the original video game platforms, means “You’re about to become engulfed” in Japanese.

Becoming engulfed is exactly what happens to some kids who play video games. They can lose all sense of time or care for anything else in life. They may even secretly stay up all night playing the game, night after night. The loss of sleep alone can cause emotional and academic distress.

If your teen plays video games for hours on end, you’d be wise to put a time limit on it. Don’t allow video games to take your teen on a path away from family, friends, and a normal life.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Playing video games can be a fun activity for you and your teenager to enjoy together. But video games can be an unhealthy activity if they begin consuming all of your teen’s time and attention.

If your teen is caught up in video games and you can’t get them away from it, then treat it like any other addiction. Intervene with the help of a good counselor who deals with such addictions.

The bottom line for parents is this…you need to stand beside your kids through thick and thin, but sometimes you need to stand in front of them when it comes to blocking any negative influences or addictions from consuming their life…and that can include video games.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

There’s nothing more gut-wrenching for a parent to have to deal with than their own child’s drug addiction.

Just watch a few episodes of the TV show “Intervention” and you’ll see what dealing with an addict is like. It’s a living nightmare. The lying, stealing, fits of anger, run-ins with the law and constant fear that the child will overdose can destroy and bankrupt a family, financially and emotionally.

Sadly, each year more than a million teenagers become addicts. Most will struggle with their addiction throughout their lifetime. That’s why it’s far better for parents to be vigilant and watchful for signs of drug use in 10-14 year olds — the age when most kids first start experimenting today.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

It used to be that high schoolers were the most susceptible, but kids today are experimenting with drugs as early as middle school.

If you’ve seen an unexplainable change in your ten- to fourteen-year-old child’s motivation, behavior, grades or friends, it could be that they are experimenting with intoxicating substances that are as close as your kitchen drawer, garage or medicine cabinet.

Kids learn about every home-brewed means of intoxication from the Internet and then try them one after another. The most common is huffing aerosols, glues or fumes, or taking their parent’s prescription drugs.

Don’t think your child is immune, even if they’re in a Christian School. Watch for the warning signs and be ready to get them tested.

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

A major challenge in parenting is learning to work together in your roles as mom and dad. And this is especially important when it comes to communicating a sense of value to your child. Mark challenges each parent to instill value in their kids.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Most teens want to say, “My parents listened to me…they heard me and they valued me.” For your kid to say that, I’d say you are moving toward parenting perfection.

All teens want to do is talk and have someone listen to them. If they share what is on their heart, and that is missed, they’ll eventually quit sharing altogether.

If your teen is in shutdown mode, it may be because you aren’t listening. So share your desire to become a better listener. Find regular opportunities to talk, even if they feel a bit forced at first. Eventually, with diligence on your part, your teen will again open up and trust her dreams, thoughts and questions with you.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

A Sunday school teacher once asked her class, “What’s wrong with grown-ups?” A boy responded, “Grown-ups never really listen because they already know what they’re going to answer.”

Not talking is one action. Listening is another. Sometimes I think God gave us two ears and one mouth just because He wants us to listen twice as much as we talk. Even so, not talking doesn’t mean we’re listening.

Mom and dad, you may hear the words your teen is saying, but are you really listening to her heart? She doesn’t need your response, your judgment, your opinion or your solution. In fact, she probably isn’t asking for anything. She just needs your undivided attention and a listening ear.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

In times of conflict with a teenager, my goal for every difficult and sometimes heated discussion is this: in the end, I want there to be an opportunity for us to hug one another.

In an argument with your teen, even if your mind hasn’t been changed and even if you still can’t agree, you can at least agree to disagree because it was all talked out. You’re still in charge, so hopefully that is not in question. But it’s important for your teen to know that relationship is important, so try to maintain an attitude of respect in your tone and demeanor.

In a time of conflict, parents are wise to show their teen that they are as interested in maintaining the relationship as they are in enforcing rules.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

The power of a parent asking questions is amazing.

When you’re asked your opinion, you feel valued. The same goes for teenagers…so ask them more questions.

I’m not talking about “What did you do?” questions, but more ”What do you think?” questions. When asked in a non-condemning and non-prying way, these questions can convey a sense of value and relationship. It lets them know that you have an interest in their thoughts and that you value their opinion.

Get the conversation going by talking about controversial subjects, as you would to a friend. Ask them what they think or would do in certain situations. And take care never to belittle or correct their responses. After all, they are just thinking out loud.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Talking to your teenager doesn’t necessarily mean you’re communicating.

Sometimes the most important connection with your teen can be short-circuited by too much talk. If you’re looking for ways to really connect with your teen’s deepest hopes, concerns and fears; stop your own endless chatter.

Instead, step back and learn how to actively listen to your teen, without giving into the urge to respond. Find a place conducive to conversation, just ask questions, and listen. Look for what’s under the surface, and don’t judge what’s said. You’ll be on your way to connecting with your teen in a new more meaningful way.

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Teens behave irresponsibly because they are irresponsible. But when they make mistakes, parents have a unique opportunity to teach their children maturity and wisdom. Mark shows parents how to develop and implement specific rules for their teens… and let the consequences come.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Have you ever considered what you and your teen normally talk about?

You probably discuss with your teen such items as academics, schedules, rules, behaviors, privileges, and chores.

Now, take a minute and think about what else you talk about. Pretty short list, isn’t it?

Most parents converse about what their teen is doing or needs to do, not what they’re thinking or feeling. And that can create the impression that everything is more important than understanding and getting to know them.

So, find time to really connect with your teen on a personal level at least once a week. It could be the most important and enlightening thing you talk about the whole week.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

When kids are young, they need a rescuer to keep them from harm. But in the teen years, rescuers can do more harm than good.

Parents who rescue encourage their teenager’s misbehavior to go on, because discipline is something they don’t want their child to endure. They jump in to complete assignments and responsibilities, so their teen won’t be penalized. They deliver their teen from consequences, and also the valuable learning experience those can provide.

Expecting mom and dad to be their safety net, rescued children tend to jump into trouble again and again.

If you’re a rescuer, begin removing that safety net so your teen will learn the lessons they need to learn before the stakes become more serious.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Sometimes a parent needs to allow other authorities into their teenager’s life to do the disciplining.

When a teenager doesn’t follow the rules, sooner or later they’ll run into conflicts with other authorities. That’s when a parent should welcome that help.

Other authorities can offer a valuable learning experience for your teen, but only if you don’t interfere. It’s natural to want to jump in and rescue your teen, but doing so often emboldens more misbehavior. After all, mom and dad came to the rescue the first time!

And don’t think that getting them off the hook will improve your relationship. Their appreciation will quickly dwindle and things will grow even worse when they don’t learn their lesson the first time.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Parents who smother their teenager’s need to be different will often see a flash fire of rebellion once the teen has a whiff of freedom.

A teenager’s need to discover their own identity is among the strongest God-given forces of humanity. They need to become their own person, not merely a clone of their parents. So when they’re smothered by overprotective parents, the typical teenager’s response is explosive rebellion.

Wise parents will stop making every decision for their teen and give them some leeway in their dress, schedule and activities so they can feel like they have some control over their own life. Yes, they’ll make mistakes, just like you did. But that, too, is an important part of growing up.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

While anger mustn’t control your reaction to your teenager’s mistakes, there is a way to express your anger appropriately.

The Bible says, “Be angry but sin not.” It doesn’t say, “Never be angry.” Likewise, in parenting, anger is appropriate when it is expressed in regard to your own feelings of concern for your child’s safety. For instance you might say, “It really upsets me that you didn’t come home right after school.”

Anger should never turn mean, intimidating or demeaning, so if you cannot control it, let your spouse handle the discipline. But being honest about your own feelings can be a healthy way to discuss your teen’s misbehavior, since they really don’t want to upset you.

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Disciplining teens is rarely easy. However, parents can do their part by being clear and consistent . . . never wavering on expectations and follow-through. In this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston provides guidance for the purpose and standards of discipline in your home.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Is your teenager questioning their faith? You bet they are!

Some parents foolishly shame their teen and cut them off for questioning their faith. But how else will you understand what they are thinking unless you allow them to talk about it? And why should they listen to your beliefs if you fail to listen to theirs?

Wise parents are a sounding board for their teenager, no matter how far off base their beliefs have become. They realize that they can still influence their teen’s thinking for years to come, so they aren’t threatened by such discussions. They see it as an opportunity to learn what their teen is thinking and what needs to be better explained in the future.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Blaming sudden teen misbehavior on sin and rebellion can overlook other factors in a teen’s life that may be igniting such behavior.

Christian parents can be severely tested when their teenager gets off track in life. While some are quick to consider it rebellion against them and God, a teen’s misbehavior may be less sinister than that. Perhaps there is something on the inside needing to get out, but it is displayed in an immature and inappropriate way?

Often, the root of misbehavior isn’t rebellion at all. It is a loss in their life or some other unmet emotional need. So the question parents should ask is this: “Has something happened in their life that has caused them to get off track?”

PODCAST SCRIPT:

One of the most important life questions your teen will begin asking and wrestling with is, “What’s my purpose on this earth?”

For a lot of kids today, their only motivation in life is their next purchase. No wonder suicide rates are skyrocketing among teens! They have so little to live for.

Nothing matters more than your teen knowing their purpose in life, and nothing can compensate for not knowing it. It gives meaning to their life and each step along the way. It motivates them to prepare for and save themselves for that purpose, and to avoid anything that might get in the way. It simplifies their life and removes confusion.

So, does your teen know their purpose?

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Parents are sometimes so intent on passing along their values and beliefs that they send the wrong message to their teen – one that says, “Your opinion doesn’t matter.”

One sure way to set up a power struggle with your teen is to make them feel like their opinions are stupid, or that some things cannot discussed with you.

A more productive way to respond is to ask thoughtful questions and discuss other options. It will teach them to think things through, rather than acting on the first idea that comes to mind.

Teaching a teen to weigh the options and foresee the results is a valuable tool they’ll use again and again throughout their life.

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WE’RE COMING TO THE NEW YORK AREA…I will be in the New York area for the first leg of our Turbulence Ahead Tour September 19-26. So far, we are planning a Turbulence Ahead Seminar on September 25 and 26 in Long Island, New York. If you live in the area and would like me to come speak to your church or group, please contact Sam Sheeley in our office at 903.668.2173, or e-mail him at Sam@TurbulenceAhead.org.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

I see two extremes in the way parents listen to their teenagers, and neither is very helpful.

Some parents listen carefully, but then react and tear apart every word. Others assume they already know what their teen is going to say, so they interrupt without letting their teen finish.

As difficult as it can be to hear out your teen, I believe it is better to know what they are really trying to say. Sometimes they are just processing their thoughts by thinking out loud.

 So listen more than you respond.  Poor listeners may see their teen picking fights or mouthing off just to get their point across. I hope your teen doesn’t have to resort to that.

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Teens today experience countless challenges to making wise choices. Unfortunately, parents are faced with the temptation to be “Super Parents,” protecting or rescuing their children from the natural consequences of their actions. On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston teaches parents to help their teens learn experientially and grow in maturity.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Dishonesty is on the rise in all sectors of our society. When kids see it as a strategy to get ahead — like what’s portrayed on most reality TV shows — it’s natural for them to emulate it.

Kids lie and cheat for the same reasons that adults lie…to lift themselves up, to get ahead, to destroy their competition, or to protect themselves. They see others getting away with it, so they adopt untruth as well. Some see it as a game or take pride in their ability to deceive.

Parents should be on the lookout for lying and cheating in their teen. Catching and dealing with it early on will help avoid bigger problems in the future.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

If you find something inappropriate on your teen’s cell phone or computer, calmly and privately talk to your teen about it, without embarrassing them.

Discovering inappropriate photos or visits to pornographic sites by your teenager is an opportunity to calmly talk about the issue.  Don’t assume the worst. Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. You’ll be amazed how your child will respond when you speak with a gentle spirit, not one of guilt and condemnation.

The goal is to express the inappropriateness of this behavior, what God says about it, and how you will be looking out for them from now on, because you don’t want it to bring damage and heartache to their life.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Just like you monitor who your teen hangs out with in your neighborhood, don’t forget to monitor who they hang out with around the world.

If your teenager uses Facebook – the largest and so far the cleanest social networking site — then make sure they “friend” you, so you can see that they and their friends are posting. Have them make their profile private, so that only you and approved friends can communicate with them.

Don’t reprimand them online or otherwise embarrass them with their friends. Just use it as monitoring. A little monitoring goes a long way toward keeping your teen from hanging around with the wrong crowd.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Teens expect to be lectured, so why not try something new for a change…just ask questions.

There is a lot of power in a question. Questions take some forethought, but they can lead a teenager to the same conclusion (as your lectures). And when they come up with the answers themselves, they are much more likely to act on them.

So, ask questions…the kind that make them think about things, not just yes or no questions. Ask them how they would respond in certain moral and ethical situations. Help them think it through as a dry run.

If you ever wondered what your teen is thinking, or how they will act, the best way is to stop lecturing and start posing questions.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

A great way to build relationship with your teenager is to find a challenge you both enjoy.

Kids today have many activites at school and church, but those will do little to strengthen the parent-child relationship, even if you show up at every event to cheer them on.

Rather, you’d be wise to find an interest that you and your teen enjoy doing together. Some examples are: cooking, horseback riding, working out together, fishing, video games, astronomy, gardening, skiing, running, or camping.

Enjoy life with your teenager in a common interest, and keep an open ear, because it is usually at these times of enjoyment that teens share their deepest thoughts and questions.

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This past weekend we enjoyed a powerful ”Families in Crisis” retreat with 25 parents of difficult or struggling teenagers from around the country.  Parents were encouraged and given a game plan to end the chaos in their home and get their teenager headed in a better direction in life.  I invite you to consider coming to our next retreat, September 9-11.  For more information, visit www.familycrisisconference.com.

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Teen suicide.  Whether it’s an attempt to ease pain or make a statement, sometimes kids consider a permanent solution to what may be temporary problems. This edition of Parenting Today’s Teens tackles the sensitive but important topic of suicide.  Mark Gregston helps parents understand what can lead to suicidal thoughts and behavior in their children and how to find hope in hopeless situations.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Of all the advice I ever give to parents, this is one bit of advice that you mustn’t ignore.

Here it is…schedule a time to get together with your teenager, one-on-one, at least once a week.

Go out for breakfast, coffee, or do lunch – but make it every week. It doesn’t have to take long and there is no agenda. Just do it, and let your teenager talk.

This weekly meeting is so important, I recommend making it a condition on getting their allowance or going on weekend outings.

Taking time to meet with your teen once a week will strengthen your relationship. It tells them, “I value every moment we can spend time together, because I value you.”

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Your home should be a retreat for your teenager from the pressures of their life, not a place of conflict and anguish.

With all the stresses on teens today, your home needs to be that one place where your teen can find peace, encouragement and unconditional love. It should be a refuge, where they gladly return for refreshment.

If it isn’t, they’ll seek refuge in other places, like the home of their peers. They’ll hang out with friends for as many hours as they can. And they’ll participate in whatever their peers are doing, just to fit in.

Parents, your most powerful tool against negative peer pressure is to have a home that your teen loves coming home to.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

When it comes to worrying, parents today have good reason to do so, but worrying is the least productive thing they can do.

It’s hard not to worry. There is so much that teens can get into today, and so many ways they can be taken advantage of by others.

But instead of worrying, take action! Start by developing sound rules and boundaries, and strengthen your relationship with your teen. Spend more time with them. Encourage them and show confidence that they’ll make the right decisions. Pray unceasingly for God’s protection, and then trust that what you’ve taught them will get them through.

Be a strong parent of action, confidence and trust, not a weak one weary from worry.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

If you want your teen to talk about their problems, their mistakes and their hurts, then open up and talk honestly about some of your own.

When a parent admits their own problems, their stupid mistakes, and the messes they’ve made in life, their teenager will also feel that they can be open about their own problems. After all, you now have something in common.

It’s amazing to me how parents try to put on an appearance of perfection, while at the same time they make their teenager feel like an outsider. The teen really needs to hear the struggles the parent had when they were a teen. That’s something they can relate to.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Teenagers know their parents aren’t perfect. So, if you’re pretending to be perfect, the only one you’re fooling is yourself.

Imperfect parents — and we all are – will have a hard time expecting perfection from their kids. Your teen has by now heard stories of your own teenage exploits, so they’ve already begun wondering why they can’t emulate your own missteps, or even worse. After all, you turned out okay.

So, I recommend you set the record straight by sharing the remorse you feel today for making the mistakes you made in your teen years. It won’t destroy your teen’s image of you. In fact, it will bring you two closer while also teaching them important life lessons.

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

With new methods of communication via the Internet, facebook, texting and others, kids have more avenues for the age-old problem of bullying and being bullied. On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston guides parents through monitoring destructive behavior and understanding the emotional distress of bullying and cyberbullying.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

When respect is stepped on by either the parent or the teenager, chaos will reign in the home.

Disrespect is difficult to get under control, and it tends to spread throughout the family if it is allowed to continue. That’s why I tell parents to deal immediately and decisively with all forms of disrespect.

The first step is to be sure you maintain a respectful attitude yourself, even as you deal with their disrespect. Then get the harsh words, door slamming and threats under control by applying steep consequences.

Keep in mind that disrespect is a symptom of a deeper relational problem, not the problem itself. So begin to work on the relationship. Something has gone awry that only you can solve.

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COME JULY 15-17 TO LEARN FOR YOURSELF HOW TO TURN AROUND YOUR TEEN —  Our Families In Crisis Weekend Retreat is designed to provide the parents of difficult teens many of the skills we teach our own staff. I’ll teach you what you need to know to deal with your misbehaving teen in a totally new and more effective way.  Register here:  www.familycrisisconference.com

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Vote for Heartlight Ministries Foundation on Facebook’s Chase Community Giving program. Your vote could help our foundation get a $20,000 grant!  Vote here >>

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Teenagers can be pretty demanding these days.

When I was a teen, birthdays and Christmas were just about the only time my parents handed out gifts. As a result, I learned to work for the extras I wanted.  But kids today expect gifts every time their parents visit a store and they treat their parents more like ATM machines.

That’s why I encourage parents to back off and remind their kids, “I owe you nothing, but I want to give you everything. My job as a parent is not to give you everything you may want, but to teach you how to provide for yourself.”

Don’t give in to your teen’s feelings of entitlement. Instead, help them take responsibility for fulfilling their own wants, now and in the future.

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COME JULY 15-17 TO LEARN FOR YOURSELF HOW TO TURN AROUND YOUR TEEN —  Our Families In Crisis Weekend Retreat is designed to provide the parents of difficult teens many of the skills we teach our own staff. I’ll teach you what you need to know to deal with your misbehaving teen in a totally new and more effective way.  Register here:  www.familycrisisconference.com

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Outside of normal parental worrying, sometimes parents do know, deep down in their souls, when something is not quite right with their teenager.

Call it a mother’s intuition or a dad’s sixth sense — if you have a feeling that something is wrong with your teen, it probably is.

Teens today are living in a much different world than we grew up in. They have access to a lot of very destructive stuff, and most will want to experience what their friends are trying, just to fit in.

So, if something feels wrong with your teen, don’t deny your feelings. Stop at nothing to get to the bottom of it, before it gets out of hand.

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COME JULY 15-17 TO LEARN FOR YOURSELF HOW TO TURN AROUND YOUR TEEN —  Our Families In Crisis Weekend Retreat is designed to provide the parents of difficult teens many of the skills we teach our own staff. I’ll teach you the skills you need to cope with and direct a misbehaving teen in a totally new and more effective way.  Register here:  www.familycrisisconference.com

PODCAST:

The old saying, “It takes two to have an argument,” includes parents, because I’ve found that parents can sometimes be partly to blame for the amount of arguing that goes on in the home.

Arguments tend to erupt because a parent wants to show the teen that they are still in control, while the teen no longer wants to be controlled.

So, first, make sure your rules are age-appropriate. Then, stay out of fights over other the trivial things. Allow your teen to express their point of view, and keep the discussion focused only on the issue at hand. Remember, your teen is still immature, so it’s up to you to keep the argument respectful, but it is also up to you to enforce the rules.

Still time to register and come to our Families in Crisis Retreat, July 15-17…

PODCAST SCRIPT:

I recently asked some parents of older kids what they’d change about their parenting if they could do the teen years all over again.

My informal survey revealed four things parents would change: they’d worry less, be more consistent, spend more time with their teen, and interact with them more lovingly and respectfully.

Though the teen years seem like a roller-coaster at times, it really doesn’t last that long. Then you have the rest of your lives together. And the relationship later in life often pivots on how you interacted in the teen years.

So, follow the wise advice from these parents… be more consistent…spend more time with your teen…interact with them more lovingly…and do less worrying.

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

No parent communicates perfectly with their teen. But in the tough world kids live in today, more than ever, teens need their parents to speak truth into their lives. Mark helps parents keep their child’s best interest in mind, learn to ask the right questions and grow from communication mistakes.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Cell phones are being used for more than silly teenage chatter these days.

I’m amazed how kids present themselves online. I call it “digital courage.” For instance, one third of teens are known to be sending each other inappropriate photos or comments – a practice called “sexting.” And the latest “smart” phones are being used to access inappropriate sites on the Internet as well.

Since cell phones are an important part of a teenager’s social life and a way for parents to keep in touch, I wouldn’t recommend taking them away, but you’d do well to teach your teen discernment, since they can access all the good and the bad in the world from just about anywhere by their cell phone.

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Kids often lose things, but sometimes there are losses in their life that are so traumatic – they affect their behavior.

There are many ways a teen experiences loss…the loss of a parent through death or divorce, the loss of family identity through being adopted, the loss of innocence, the loss of control of some aspect of their life, or the loss of a friend.

Losses, whether they are real or perceived, can affect a child’s behavior when they reach the introspective adolescent years.

So if your teenager is suddenly misbehaving, consider that it may be a symptom of a loss in their life. A counselor can help uncover what that loss is before it triggers worse behavior.

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Do you give your teenager the freedom to blow up and act extremely immature without losing your love for them?

It’s easy to love your teen when they’re happy and behaving. But what about when they scream they hate you, slam doors, and kick your dog?

The best way to handle extreme outbursts is to answer their anger with love. Calmly let them know you love them, period. Don’t let them off the hook for their bad behavior, but separate their actions from your love for them.

Tell them, “There’s nothing you can do to make me love you more, and there’s nothing you can do to make me love you less. I’ll always love you just the same.”

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No one likes being told what to do, but it’s a part of life, so teens need to learn to willingly take direction.

A sign of maturity is to accept being told what to do. We all have to…in school, in our jobs, and as citizens. So, the earlier one accepts this truth, the better.

Teens should make small decisions, like what meal to order or what clothes to wear; but they still need direction in life from a wise manager, even if they don’t want one. Your goal is to help your kids get to where they want to go, and to keep them from where they don’t want to go, even if they don’t yet know which is which.

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Ask Mark to come put on a Turbulence Ahead conference.  Click this link to vote for your town.

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PODCAST SCRIPT:

John Rosemond, in his book “A Family of Value” says parents need to be “good actors,” inspiring their children by displaying confidence in their own decisions – even if they secretly wonder if their decisions are right.

According to Rosemond, parenting is like leading a country. If the president is indecisive or waffles, the people tend to lose confidence and faith in him.  Applying this leadership principle to your family, vacillating about decisions in front of your teen will cause them to lose faith in you. They’ll think your decisions are arbitrary and subject to change or interpretation.

On the other hand, acting confident and being consistent in your own decisions will help your teenager remain consistently confident in you.

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Many parents believe that a normal, healthy family life will prevent their kids from experimenting with drugs and alcohol.  But, as teens are exposed to these activities without parents’ knowledge, no family is immune from substance abuse!  On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston educates parents on the actions that’ll help prevent drug use.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Some parents make the mistake of accepting bribes by their teenager to get around the rules.

If it’s improper a young teen to go to an R-rated movie, then why do some parents cave in when they’re offered a bribe like, “If you let me go, I’ll go to youth group this week!”

Accepting such bribes does two things. First, that the parent really didn’t believe in their own rule, or they wouldn’t have reversed it under any circumstances. And second, it tells the teen that all they need is a bride each time to get what they want.

Don’t accept bribes from your teen. It only serves to discredit your authority and confuse your rules.

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Our next Families in Crisis Conference is July 15-17…go to www.familycrisisconference.com to learn more.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

When a teen is bored, rebellious, and bent on getting into trouble, summer can become the worst time of the year for the whole family.

Instead of dreading another summer with a misbehaving teen, it can be an opportune time to get them the help they need. There are a number of therapeutic summer wilderness programs around the country set up to address behavioral issues. Some programs also deal with substance abuse and addictions.

Unlike youth or family camps, where troubled teens tend to cause more problems than are solved, a therapeutic program may be exactly what your teen needs this summer to get back on track in life and for a more successful re-entry into school next fall.

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It often comes as a surprise to the parents of misbehaving teenagers when I tell them that unless they get their marriage ironed out first, they’ll not be able to help their teen.

Teens tend to be hyper-sensitive in regard to relational problems between their parents, even if the problems have been carefully hidden.

When relationship difficulties exist between parents, it’s not uncommon for it to also ignite behavioral problems with their teenage children. So, if your teen is out of control, be sure to look at your own marital relationship first, and get help if needed. Strengthening your marriage may be what’s needed to also help your teen get back on a solid footing.

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Pressure by their peers to break or bend your rules is difficult for your child to avoid during the teen years. But there’s one way to deter such mistakes.

When given the choice between right and wrong, your teen will be better equipped to make an informed choice – the right choice — if they know the exact consequences well in advance. Losing the car, cell phone or their freedom on weekends can become both a deterrent and a valid excuse to offer their provoking friends.

There’s nothing like knowing what’s in store. If the consequences are clear, and if the pain expected to result from the misbehavior outweighs the pleasure, your teen will have ample reason to avoid it.

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Is your family in crisis with a rebellious or angry teen? Come to Texas to learn how to stop the chaos from Mark Gregston, July 15-17, on the Heartlight campus.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Parents often report to me that their teen was first introduced to drugs, alcohol, same-sex relationships, pornography, or eating disorders during sleepovers with their friends – even friends from good Christian families.

Sadly, parents who allow their teenagers to stay overnight with friends are asking for some serious experimenting. After the parents fall asleep, kids try to outdo each other in regard to how far they will go, armed with the latest vices and stories from the Internet.

That’s why I recommend that slumber parties stop at age ten. From then on, the normally innocent agenda of pizza and pillow fights, tends to shift to things that can taint a child’s mind and bring a lifetime of remorse.

HALF-HOUR PROGRAM SUMMARY:

It’s normal for teens to be both curious and relational.  But, occasionally they take things to the extreme—even to the point of harming themselves.  Some of these destructive behaviors include cutting, the choking game, running away, drinking or using their parents’ prescription drugs.  On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston provides tools for parents to cultivate a relationship with their teen and counteract the desire to engage in extreme behavior.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Some parents allow their teenager to do what they want, just to keep peace in their home. Then, when they do say “No,” everyone needs to duck for cover.

Allowing a teen to do whatever he wishes is never a good idea, not even to reduce the tension in your home. Putting an end to a child’s destructive ways is far more important, and allowing tantrums to go unchecked simply begets more such behavior.

The more teenagers get their way from slamming doors, screaming at their parents, or claiming they’ll run away, the more they will believe that this is the way to get what they want, and the more they’ll terrorize the whole family.

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Overly authoritarian parents often wonder why one or more of their children goes haywire in the teen years – no longer following their direction.

Kids who compliantly adhere to every demand of their parents and don’t learn to think on their own may tend to similarly follow their peers when they reach the teen years. Learning early on to be controlled at all times, they continue in that tradition once other influential people come into their lives, including their peers.

That’s why it is so important for parents to begin to teach kids to make decisions for themselves and to weigh the decisions they make, not just blindly follow what others may say or do.

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Though sons tend to emulate their fathers and other men in their life, there are five key ways that moms help build their boy’s masculine identity.

• Moms show boys how to relate to and act around girls.
• They teach a boy how to act like a gentleman.
• They teach what it means to be a male and how that is different from being female.
• They help boys steer clear of attempts to be overly macho.
• They help boys open up their sensitive side.

These critical roles of a mother help to polish off the rough edge of a teenage boy and move him toward genuine masculinity, while helping him be more comfortable with and respectful of the opposite sex.

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Join me at our next Family In Crisis Conference, July 15-17 on the Heartlight campus.  I’ll give you the tools you need to deal effectively with your difficult or out of control teenager.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Parents with little time to connect with their teen can turn lemons into lemonade when it comes to driving them to school or events.

One of the best places to have a discussion with your teenager is when the two of you are in the car. It’s an opportune time to ask them how their week is going and other questions that require more than a “yes” or “no” answer.

Make it a rule that music players and cell phones remain off in the car, even if the teen isn’t driving. You’ll begin looking forward to the times you need to chauffeur your teen somewhere, for it may become the main way that you two connect.

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Most teenage boys don’t talk much about their feelings, but don’t let that fool you into thinking they aren’t emotional.

Teenage boys are more affected by emotions than most parents think. They can feel deeply, but unlike girls, they don’t really know how to cope with it. Perhaps that’s why boys have been involved in nearly all public shootings, and why they’re more than 4 times more likely to commit suicide than girls. Sadly, while suicide rates for all ages have dropped since 1950, suicides among teens have nearly tripled.

So, be sure to give your teen, of either gender, an avenue to express their emotions. And take care to watch for the warning signs that they are becoming overwhelmed.

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Though teens value connectedness with people, they are also looking for a means of escape.  Sometimes that escape is found in violent video games.  When parents notice behavioral changes in their teen, it may be a warning that changes need to be made.  On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston provides positive ways to set boundaries, invite discussion and teach teens discernment .

PODCAST SCRIPT:

When I was a youth pastor, I discovered that teens need to experience a lesson in order to learn it.

How many times have you warned your teenager not to do something dangerous, but they went ahead and did it anyway? Yes, they learned it was a mistake, but too late. That’s because teenagers learn by experience.

So, think of that when you’re trying to teach a lesson. Don’t just put it into words. If they’re acting selfish, send them on a mission trip to a poor country. If they’re drinking, have them attend an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. When the end result is experienced, teens will learn the lesson.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Kids are good at coming up with excuses, so why not give them an excuse not to do wrong?

Sometimes kids know they are getting in too deep with their peers, so it can be a relief when their parents say “No.”

When Jane asked if she could spend a weekend with her friends, she didn’t reveal that they were planning some things that her parents wouldn’t approve of. Even so, she had to ask, or lose face. So, when she was turned down, she put on a good show of disgruntlement, but was actually glad inside that she could blame her absence on her parents.

Have you given your teen a good excuse for their peers lately?

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Did you know that if your teenager feels like they truly “belong” in your family they won’t have a psychological need to engage in rebellious behavior?

Belonging is a by-product of parents who love and encourage their children equally, respect and applaud their accomplishments, and participate in their lives without losing touch with their own vibrant life.

It takes time to be involved in your child’s life, and a careful balance to make sure you don’t live your life through your teen, but keep this in mind…it eventually takes more time if you aren’t involved. So don’t wait until your daughter gets pregnant or your son gets arrested to decide it’s a good idea to spend more time with your teen.

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Every parent worries that peer pressure will get their children into trouble in the teen years. But some parents unwittingly set their kids up to be more susceptible to peer pressure.

Parents who run the gauntlet to keep their children equipped with the latest fads, brands, haircuts, gadgets and toys may be setting them up for peer pressure in the teen years.

Kids raised to match up with everyone else will want to continue in that tradition in the teen years…acting and looking just like their peers do.

So, instead of following fads, teach your kids to be confident “individuals” — strong enough to stand out from the crowd and always ready to be their own person.

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Professional planners know that instead of starting a plan from the beginning, it is best to start at the desired end, then work backwards. Are you doing that with your teenager’s future?

Visualize with your teenager where they want to be ten years from now. Then help them work backwards to plan the steps it will take to get there. If their goal is a specific occupation, will it require a degree? If so, what college is best suited? Then, what’s required to apply and pay for that college? And back to current time, what grades will help them to get into that college?

Working backwards helps a teenager better see the linkages between today’s actions and future results.

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Teens are going to greater lengths to get connected.  Combine the digital world with that longing and you quickly realize parents need real answers, right now. Mark Gregston on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens provides parents some much needed insights and tools for Internet safety.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

If your teenager is spinning out of control, and counseling isn’t helping, you may need to consider placing him or her in a therapeutic program outside of your home for a time.

A therapeutic program will get your teen away from their peers, drugs and other negative influences. It will give the whole family a time to rest and regroup. It will offer the teen a fresh perspective and a concentrated way of dealing with their issues.

When all other options have been exhausted, it can literally be a lifesaver. Over the past 20 years, 2,500 kids have come to live with us at Heartlight, where we work with them in a loving and relational way to change their thinking and ambitions to more positive pursuits.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Teenagers need a safe and secure place to come ashore when they are upset by the turbulent waters of adolescence. Question is, is that place your home, or in the presence of their peers?

When a teenager makes an error in judgment, they may not seek out their parents first, out of fear of facing a barrage of critical words or embarrassment. So let your teenagers know they can always come to you. Give them all the time they need, without criticism and anger. Don’t back down on appropriate consequences, but try to encourage them at the same time.

Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger, offering a safe and wise place to come to when they mistakes.

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Have you made the commitment to stay engaged in your relationship with your teen, even when the going gets tough?

Part of staying engaged means your teenager has room to make mistakes without losing his relationship with you or suffering condemnation. It allows room for growth and change, for both of you. It encourages and looks for something good in every situation, no matter how desperate. It is marked with kindness and tenderness. It listens well and doesn’t criticize, even when you are tired or discouraged. It displays strength when needed, and intervenes when necessary. And it builds significance and security through a relationship that will never end, thereby communicating a better way to live.

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Teenagers fail to grow out of their childish self-centeredness, when they are given everything they want by their parents.

Giving a teen more stuff won’t make them happier, feel more significant, or become more responsible. It just means they have more stuff — without understanding the sacrifice it took their parents to pay for it. So, they tend to want more and more.

I see it daily in my work with teens who have hit bottom. They seemingly have nothing to look forward to. They already have it all!

Unbridled spending by parents doesn’t help a child. So, instead of always providing – begin preparing them to pay for their own needs and learn how to manage their own money.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

We live in a society that values self-esteem so much that we’re afraid to give children proper feedback.

Handing every race participant a trophy just for trying just doesn’t seem right to me. The winner should receive the trophy, and that will encourage everyone else to do better next time.

Educational psychologists have convinced us to not to tell children like it is, or it may hurt their self-esteem. However, what it hurts is their ability to know what they are truly good at, what they’re not good at, and when they need to do better.

So, parents, keep it honest … give your children truthful feedback and redirection when they need it, and applause when they’ve earned it.

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Reports show that teen dishonesty is on the rise. So how do parents deal with lying and disrespect in their own home? Mark Gregston deals with teen dishonesty.

SPECIAL GUEST: Tim Kimmel is the Executive Director of Family Matters. He has written books and given seminars to help families address the unique pressures in today’s culture.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Unfortunately, many of today’s teenagers make no meaningful contribution to their families.

Many teenagers today have nothing more to contribute to the family than reluctantly taking out the garbage or picking up their room after being told again and again. That’s not a contribution. At that point it is more like self-preservation.

Kids need to be given responsibilities in the family that they can claim and make happen without parental badgering. It builds a sense of value and belonging. If they don’t have time, adjust their schedule to make time.

Kids who make no meaningful contribution to the family tend to grow up feeling entitled and self-absorbed, making them rotten spouses, parents and citizens as well.

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A parent is his own worst enemy when he waffles on the rules or makes idle threats.

It takes effort to properly discipline children, and that’s why it is easier for parents to warn, warn again, and then with a raised voice, warn yet again, instead of calmy applying consequences.

Warnings serve to tell kids that they have multiple opportunities to avoid the consequences, and they quickly learn just how far they can exasperate their parents before they’ll take action. So, the house ends up in a state of chaos most of the time.

Calm the chaos by sitting your kids down to line out the rules and consequences. Tell them they won’t be given warnings from now on…and then be sure to stick to it.

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When a teenager misbehaves, parents can nip it in the bud by applying disproportionate first-time consequences.

For teenagers, each wrong deed can be a stepping stone to a more serious misstep, so teach a memorable lesson the very first time they are caught and they’ll never think about making that same mistake again.

For instance, if you catch your teenager drinking and driving, it might get their attention to donate their car to a local charity. Or, the first time they miss curfew, requiring them to volunteer at the local mission every weekend for a month might be the ticket.

Make first-time consequence both uncomfortable and memorable, and they’ll be a deterrent for a lifetime.

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I am often asked what a parent should do if the consequences fail to correct their unusually stubborn teenager’s behavior.

Reasonable consequences, like the loss of certain freedoms, are designed to make it uncomfortable for a teen to continue making poor decisions. But sometimes the teen will hold out longer than the parents expect.

My advice to them is to hang in there, even if there seems to be no positive effect. Eventually it will take hold. And if you stop or lessen the consequences, you’ll be giving your teenager exactly what he was holding out for, and you’ll lose your ability to correct them in the future.

So hang in there!

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For those who believe that discipline and correction is ungodly and unloving, let’s look at what the Bible says.

Proverbs 3:12 says, “The Lord disciplines those He loves.” Proverbs 29:17 says, “Discipline your son, and he will give you peace”. In Proverbs 15:32 it says, “He who ignores discipline despises himself.” And Proverbs 19:18 says it all, “Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.”

Discipline is a principle sanctioned by God and found in references and stories throughout scripture. So, you can be sure that there is no more loving and godly form of parenting than to provide proper discipline to your children.

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

How you respond to your teen’s mistakes determines your relationship with them going forward. On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston puts parent-teen confrontation into perspective. Special Guest: Bill Zeiglar (Bill is the principal of a suburban middle school in Pennsylvania and is the host of the nationally syndicated radio program called TIPPS.)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Kids learning to drive often struggle to keep the car steady until they are told to focus on the middle of the road far ahead, instead of the road directly in front of them.

Parents would do well to also take the longer look-ahead, envisioning their child when they are 30 and focusing on the big things that will prepare their teenager for life on their own. Since very little preparation for life comes from what’s learned at school, parents need to have their own plan for teaching character and life principles.

We have a precious short time in which to help children mature into confident adults. So plan and implement today your child’s training plan for their life tomorrow.

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You and your family need to be the most important daily influence in your teenager’s life.

I believe that the family should be the most important daily influence in their teenager’s life; not television, not school, not coaches, not peers, and surely not the computer or video games.

To find out, do a survey of your teenager’s time. Then trim out what’s taking up too much of it. If you can’t imagine what to do with your teenager, think in terms of having meals together, working on chores, volunteering, traveling, playing games, starting hobbies, and participating in events you all enjoy.

The teen years is no time to allow your teen to check out of the family.

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Who’s more important to you, your kids or your spouse?

If you’re a parent and your marriage is not the most important part of your life, it could be hurting your ability to be a good father or mother as well.

The consequences of being child-focused instead of being spouse-focused include: offering a poor role model to your children for what marriage is all about, giving your children an undue sense of entitlement, and creating kids who are reluctant to take responsibility. That sounds like a lot of kids today, doesn’t it?

Mom and dad, focus on your marriage above all else, including your parenting. Your marriage is the best teacher and legacy you can leave your children.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Team sports are not the only way to teach a child teamwork and discipline.

Athletics can be a good physical outlet for a teenager, but outside of the very small percentage of kids who go on to make it a career, the benefits of organized sports can be short-lived. Parents shouldn’t allow it to replace other “team” activities that may do more to prepare their teenager for adulthood. This includes having meaningful responsibilities at home, working in a part-time job, volunteering, and spending quality time with the family.

Being a team player in all walks of life, including at work and at home, is often more important for their maturity than focusing all of their time on a sports team.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Not all teenage misbehavior has a psychological cause, as some experts may lead you to believe.

Every form of misbehavior today seems to have a psychological term and related medication to solve it. Those who coin these terms and patent the medical “cures” can paralyze a parent’s ability to discipline their teen, because that would be insensitive to the child’s so-called “illness.” The fact is, children do not need a sickness to misbehave. It comes naturally and wise parenting can correct it.

But some struggles are ignited by childhood trauma, loss, or abandonment in the child’s life. When it comes to the surface in the teen years, loving counseling may be the best cure.

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

You can either rule your home or allow the rules to govern your home. On this weekend edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston describes the difference and which parenting style is better for teens.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Adoptive parents can take steps to help their adopted child work through identity issues during the teen years.

Adopted children often have to work through grief, anger and feelings of abandonment, especially if they were adopted later in life. But adoptive parents will soothe these difficulties by openly discussing the child’s birth and their family history.

Make the adopted child an equal part of your family, while at the same time, valuing their unique origins. And avoid spoiling the child with too many material things or added freedoms.

The bottom line is this…the more normally you treat your adopted child, the more normal they’ll feel and they’ll have fewer issues with identity.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Josh McDowell, who came to give a talk to our teenagers at Heartlight some time ago, revealed some startling statistics about teens and dating in his “Why Wait?” research.

Josh’s research revealed that when it comes to dating, maturity does make a difference. In a shocking comparison, a child who begins dating at age 12 is at least four times more likely to become sexually active before graduation than a teenager who begins dating at age 16. Even a year makes a difference…a 15 year old is twice as likely to have sex before graduation as waiting until age 16 to begin dating.

Whatever your views on dating, be sure to know that waiting a few years is likely a smart choice.

In this new e-book, Mark provides helpful steps for parents to create rules in the home that make sense to everyone involved, including your teenagers. Get control of your home with Mark’s timeless tips. Pass it on to a friend! (Format: WORD or PDF).

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PODCAST SCRIPT:

Without a strong relationship with their teenager, parents applying consequences to correct misbehavior can find their relationship crumbling even further.

Begin to restore a broken relationship with your teen by first asking God for guidance. Then find a place where you two can talk one-on-one without interruption.

Start out by identifying with your teenager’s pain, and ask forgiveness for any part you may have played in the broken relationship. Keep personal attacks out of it and avoid accusations or piling on. Don’t aim to resolve misbehavior, nor lessen the consequences. Just use the time to express how much you value and love them, and be sure to establish a weekly time to reconnect to maintain the relationship.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

The greatest teaching tool for a parent is to make their life more attractive than their teen’s.

I’ve never met a troubled teen who wants to be just like his parents. Usually the opposite is true – he’s looked at his parents’ life and doesn’t want anything to do with it. Therefore, he also don’t want anything to do with his parent’s advice, beliefs, or values.

The best training a parent can give a teenager is to quietly live a life worth emulating…in your actions, in your relationships, in what you hold dear, and in your general happiness.

Live an unhappy, boring, disappointing, and meaningless life – and don’t be surprised if your teen chooses something far different.

In this new e-book, Mark provides helpful steps for parents to create rules in the home that make sense to everyone involved, including your teenagers. Get control of your home with Mark’s timeless tips. Pass it on to a friend! (Format: WORD or PDF).

DOWNLOAD >>

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Parents want their children to be successful, but financial success isn’t a guarantee of life success.

My friend Tim Kimmel describes “truly great kids” as those who have an unquenchable love and concern for others. He says, “We can sabotage our children’s future when we encourage them to make financial success their goal, rather than living a truly great life.”

So, how can greatness be taught? By demonstrating a reverence for God and respect for others. By an appreciation for what we’ve been given and Who has given it. By delighting in sharing with others. And by taking action to help others.

True success is more about giving, serving and caring than it is about taking, profiting and conquering.

In this new e-book, Mark provides helpful steps for parents to create rules in the home that make sense to everyone involved, including your teenagers. Get control of your home with Mark’s timeless tips.  Pass it on to a friend! (Format: WORD or PDF). 

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HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Mark Gregston coaches parents on giving second, third and fourth chances. Moms and dads learn to value their teens, not enable them.

SPECIAL GUEST: Dr. Tim Kimmel