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I know something about you.  You’re pretty good at listening… when something is important to you.

I find that moms and dads have forgotten that fact.  They don’t listen any more… partly because they’ve gotten so good at talking.  And… a few years ago when the kids were little… talking worked!

But now… when teens want to spread their wings and figure things out on their own… the time for lecturing has come to a close.  Now’s the time to rest your voice and use your ears.  It’s the perfect opportunity for you to show your teen how important you think he is.

When your teen shares his heart, don’t ruin the moment by interrupting.  If you do …he may quit sharing altogether!

So stop talking.  And start listening!

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If your teen is like the kids I know… she’s an expert on this year’s trends.  She knows all about the latest fashions.

The latest fashions for teens don’t matter that much to you and me.  Until they cross the line.  I deal with parents all the time who worry about their daughters’ outfits …especially the seductive ones.  These parents catalogue every piece of clothing… and assign strict rules about each one.

But part of me just wants to give these girls some clarity.  See… I hope you’ll draw the line when it comes to modesty for your girl.  But when it comes to the latest fashions?  Don’t micro-manage.

Allow for a little freedom of expression!  Let your girl be the expert she desperately wants to be.

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Do you have a teen living at home?  Then you know what it’s like to watch mistakes happen.

It’s inevitable.  Kids make dumb choices.  They’ll say silly things and make a fool of themselves in front of a crowd.  But you have a powerful opportunity at that crossroad.  You can step in and crush them… or step in and build them up.  In fact… what you say at that moment of failure describes a lot about you… and a lot about what your teen will grow up to be.

Mom.  Dad.  A well- timed word of encouragement in the midst of failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success.

Don’t over react when your teen blows it.  Be the one who holds them up when they fall.

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Traditional parenting assumes that the authority of mom and dad over their kids is a given.  But in today’s culture, parents are finding it more and more difficult to demand respect.  That’s why parents should try a fresh approach.  Mark Gregston explains why authority can’t be forced on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens.

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Not a day passes without an opportunity to help a neighbor, friend or relative.  When was the last time you volunteered as a family?

You might have a few good excuses as to why it doesn’t happen.  I mean… when can you actually get the entire family together at one time?  And it’s obvious that your teen would roll his eyes at the mention of volunteering!

But think about it.  When you serve and care for others, you’re not only helping someone in need… you’re also passing on a tradition to your teenager.  Times volunteering as a family will instill character and build lasting memories.

So why not make the effort?  Carve time in your schedule… gather the kids.  And find a way to serve someone else.  Start the tradition!

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Parents often worry about connecting with their struggling teen.  But the more I hear their stories… the more I worry about their marriage!

When your child is in pain …it’s tough on mom and dad.  In fact, it’s exhausting …emotionally, mentally and physically.  But in the midst of all those struggles, I hope you’ll protect a very precious relationship.  Your marriage.

When disagreements over discipline begins to infringe on your marriage relationship, take action.  Immediately.  Take time to get on the same page with your spouse.  Remember …you are not enemies!  You’re working toward a common goal… and that’s to move your family in a healthy direction.

So step back and take some time for your marriage.  You might be surprised how it helps your struggling teen!

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Parenting isn’t what it used to be!  Things have changed in the last few decades.  Have you noticed?

It used to be that you did what Dad said… just because he said so.  But I find that teens today don’t share that immediate sense of respect.  They don’t obey just because they have to.  They’ll even put your authority to the test.

But as a parent, don’t be intimidated by your teen’s pushiness.  No… just be yourself and stick to the beliefs and rules you know to be right.  Your consistency in boundaries and consequences… along with a relationship built over time… will stand far longer than a “just do what I say” mentality.

Hey, if parenting has changed… and it certainly has … you might have to change with it!

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How does your teen see you?  Does she know you love her?  Does he get that you’ve made mistakes, too?

It’s not uncommon to find a mom or dad who wants to come across to their teen like they’ve got it all together.  They don’t want to be seen making mistakes… or having to apologize.

But one of the things I think is healthy for parents and teens… is honesty.  In fact, let your teenager see that you have shortcomings and setbacks.  It’ll cause two things to happen.  First, they’ll cut you some slack… because no one is perfect.  Then, they’ll be more realistic about themselves.

I hope that together… you and your teen can give each other grace.  You’ll both have your mistakes.  But admitting your weaknesses only deepens your relationship!

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I have a lot of parents ask me for practical advice… steps they can take right now to relieve the tension at home.

If you’re living with a struggling teen… you may feel the same urgency.  Maybe you’re looking for a quick fix.

Well, there isn’t a magic potion you can ingest that’ll bring instant peace to your home.  Tough problems take time to resolve.  But let me suggest a couple steps that’ll help you right away …

First, when your teen acts up … stop lecturing and start listening.

Second, stop worrying and start praying.  Include God in the process.

And finally… stop frowning and start laughing.  Lighten up a bit.

It’s not a cure- all.  But it’ll give you a new perspective on your life with a struggling teen!  Listen.  Pray.  And laugh!

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

As a parent, it’s tempting to want to “have it all together” and let others see our achievement.  But the truth is, no one is perfect.  On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston talks about creating a home that allows and encourages imperfection.

Special Guest:  Melody Rhode

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Kids have a remarkable capacity to get themselves in a mess, don’t they

I’ve seen it a million times.  A teen wants to make his own decisions, control his circumstances… and in the process, he makes a few mistakes.  To a parent, it looks like he’s tangled himself in a knot.

But mom and dad… before you jump in and clean up the mess… let me urge you to hold back.  Part of the growing up process your son is going through right now has to do with the mess.  In fact, perhaps your job right now, instead of rescuing your teen, is to hold him accountable to untangle his entanglements.

It’s a lesson you once learned.  And it’s a lesson your teen needs to learn today, as well!

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One of the toughest challenges for any parent is knowing when to protect our kids… and when to expose them to the harsh realities of the world.

There’s not one of us who doesn’t want to protect our children from harmful influences.  In fact, if you could drop a protective bubble over your teens, protecting them forever, you’d do it in a heartbeat!

But the truth is, one day the bubble pops … and you’re forced to relinquish control.  At some point, your child needs to step out into the cruel world and start making personal choices.

So… your goal as a parent should be to move from protection to preparation.  It’s something that takes wisdom, a good sense of timing… and guts.

Hey …you’ve got what it takes.  So be bold.  Stop protecting …and begin preparing!

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When it seems like nothing’s goin’ right at home… when your teen is spinning out of control… ever feel like throwing up your hands and walking away?

Yeah, raising healthy kids is tough business.  And I meet a lot of parents who are confused, tired and frustrated.  They long for easier days.

Well, there’s no one who can wave a magic wand over your household and make it all better… but there is One who can change you from the inside out.  So when you feel like giving up… it’s the perfect time to depend on God.

So instead of getting hassled over the trials at home … turn to the only One who can help you.  See this as a grand adventure for God to do His greatest work … in you.

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I met a girl once who was perfect on the outside, but was spinning out of control on the inside.  Her mom called her condition “quiet rebellion.”

Most people think of a rebellious teen as one who’s wild and crazy, self- centered and disrespectful.  They expect outbursts and arguments, right?  Well Laura wasn’t any of that.  She was calm and polite on the outside… but angry and defiant on the inside.

When Laura had to deal with the junk going on inside… we found that her “quiet rebellion” was a direct result of the family pressure to appear perfect.

And it backfired.

I hope Laura’s behavior convinces you of one thing:  No one is perfect… and forcing kids to aim for a flawless life can damage their spirit … and it’s never worth the risk.

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I run across lots of parents who want to “have it all together.”  In fact, they want the world to know that they have it all together!  You and I know, however, that no one’s perfect.

Perfection can seem attainable in the idyllic early- childhood years, when kids are still adorable.  But as children grow, families must begin that slow transformation into a home that allows… and encourages… imperfection.

It may come out in the way we present ourselves to our kids… making sure they know we make mistakes and ask for forgiveness when we do.  Then, try and foster an atmosphere of acceptance in your home… for all the imperfections that come with being human.

You’ll find that it’s a much more comfortable place to live… instead of a house that pretends to “have it all together.”

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Many parents work hard to prevent their kids from making mistakes.  But often, those life lessons are what help a teenager grow!  On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston talks about gradually letting go of the control and fostering independence in your kids.

Special guest: Dr. Robert Epstein

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Do you have a good memory?  Do you have a good memory when it comes to your own shortcomings?

When you discipline your child, it’s important to remember your own teenage years.  Think back on the time when you dented Dad’s car… or stayed out too late with friends.  You grew and learned through those experiences, didn’t you?

Well, now’s the time to remember the life- lessons and have grace with your own children.  Keep in mind that they’re in process, too.  Even though they may break curfew or dent the car… they’re being shaped for a life of ups and downs— just like you.  And chances are… they’ll remember these moments for their own kids, as well!

So… a good memory is important!

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“What are some ways I can help my teen become more independent?”  That’s what I hear from parents around the country.

You have the power to encourage independence in your child… you just need to choose it and stick with it!  Here are a few things you can do as a mom or dad to foster self-reliance in your teen:

First, give them responsibility at home.  Are you still doing everything for your kid?  Stop it!

Second, set reasonable boundaries… and make them age-appropriate.

Third, let teens learn from their mistakes.  When you protect them from consequences, you’re stunting their growth!

And finally… spend more time in discussion instead of dictation.

I think you’ll discover a growing, independent kid… right in your home!

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Ever met one of those people who has a death-grip handshake?  If you’re not careful, they could crack the bones in your hand just by saying hello!

Sometimes moms and dads can have that vice-grip, as well.  But not in a handshake… it’s in the way they control their kids.

After watching a few of these parents stifle their children, I have to say that one of the hardest— but most rewarding— steps is to loosen your grip.  Let your kids make decisions on their own… even if it isn’t necessarily what you would’ve chosen for them.  Let go of certain money decisions, the cleanliness of their room, or transportation issues.

You’ll be surprised how your child grows when you just simply loosen your grip!

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What makes a good parent?

I work with a lot of kids at our residential counseling center in Texas, called Heartlight.  And after years of meeting with hurting parents and teens, I’ve seen over and over again that moms and dads are really trying to be good parents.  And they are!

But in their zeal to care for their kids and protect them from a harmful world… they end up suffocating them, instead.  So, let me, first, affirm that your love and commitment are wonderful.  Keep it up.

But, second, let the reigns out a little bit for your child.  The values you’ve built into them so far will help them survive in the world.  Just keep loving them… and avoid the temptation to smother.

When you’re tempted to control …let ‘em go!

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I know something about you.  I know that in your life you’ve learned a few lessons—perhaps even the hard way.  Here’s one:  “abuse it and you’ll lose it.”

Whether you’d use those words or not, the principle is the same.  When you take advantage of something… abuse it… you’ll likely lose out on it.  And that’s a lesson you need to teach your teens!

When a teen disregards your rules, breaks your possessions or abuses your trust… they need to understand that they’ll suffer the consequences.  The principle will apply later in life, as well… in their employment, friendships and family.

So bring that lesson home today:  If you abuse it, you’ll lose it!

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Life as a teenager presents enough problems to deal with.  But when you add the grief of trauma to the mix, it can be overwhelming for our kids.  On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston shares how family members can lend support and navigate the complicated issue of teen grief.

Special guest:  Joey O’Connor

PODCAST SCRIPT:

There’s nothing more difficult for parents than dealing with a teenager out of control.  So now’s the time to look for support!

If tensions are running high at your house, chances are you’re keeping those emotions bottled up in an effort to keep peace in the house.  But one of the best things you can do for your family… is get yourself healthy!  So find a group of parents that are dealing with family issues, as well.  Meet regularly and encourage each other.  Find friends who aren’t afraid to call you out on hard issues.  You need a place to speak honestly and know that you’re not alone!

The support that you feel as a parent will directly influence the help that you can be to your teen.

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Grief is a part of every life.  There’s no escaping it.  But when it comes to teens… grief may be expressed in a unique way.

Teens don’t always grieve like adults do.  They’re still figuring out who they are… so the show of pain and loss comes out in ways you and I might not expect.  In fact, they might work very hard to hide any sign that something’s wrong.  If you’re not paying attention to your teen, you may miss the fact that they’re imploding.

Watch for a sudden change in interests, an outpouring of anger, and a search for distractions.  Whether your child has suffered a loss in the family… or the loss of a dream… you’ll need to keep your eyes peeled for signs of grief.  Then… move toward them in the process.

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Have you ever given in to a teen’s tantrum… just to keep the peace in your house?  It may work for a while… but in the long term, it’s never a good idea!

I’ve heard parents say a very dangerous statement:  As long as my kid gets what he wants, everything is just fine.  But the minute they’re refused something, all chaos breaks loose.

When I hear that… it tells me that these parents are keeling to their teen’s outbursts.  They’re making a ditch effort to keep peace in the home… but it comes at a high price.  Because placating tantrums only leads to more tantrums… and manipulative behavior that only grows more insidious through the years.

So, if you’ve been keeping peace at all costs in your home… I challenge you to count the long- term ramifications.  And don’t let tantrums slide!

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Are you paying attention to your teen?

I find that many parents want to care for their teen better… but miss one important point of application.  They don’t look below the behavior and personality traits on the surface.

By the time you’ve had fifteen or sixteen years with a child, it’s easy to assume you know him well.  But now’s not the time to slack off in your relationship!  Dig deeper in your conversations… get to know your daughter as if you’d just met.  She’s growing and changing more than you can imagine… and you may find a depth and beauty below the surface that you’ve never seen before.

There’s never been a better time to pay attention to your teen… than right now!

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We live in a time of deep privilege.  We enjoy luxuries that previous generations never did.  This blessing, however, comes with responsibilities for moms and dads!

Many parents want to express their love by giving abundantly to their children.  And that isn’t a bad thing.  But when moms and dads get into the mode of giving… giving and giving… teens begin to simply take and take!  The luxuries that we know are a privilege, become what our kids demand.

I’m all for sharing.  And providing for your family.  But when a child acts like it’s your duty to share your wealth, you need to take a step back and evaluate!  After all, parenting shouldn’t be about giving kids stuff to make them happy.  Instead, give them a future in which they are happy.

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Moments of conflict can be expected in any relationship.  And when you’re parenting teenagers, you know how often these moments can occur!  When the debate gets heated, it’s important to remember a few ground rules.  Mark Gregston shares principles for fighting well on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens.

Special guest: Dr. Melody Rhode

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No relationship survives without forgiveness.  In fact, for parents, it’s needed on a daily basis!

Whether you have toddlers running around the home, or you’re working through the issues of adolescence with your son or daughter… you know about forgiveness.  And, most likely, you know what happens when you don’t forgive.  The bitterness that comes when we hold onto the pain is destructive, to say the least.

But you have a choice right now.  You can choose, by God’s grace, to let go of how your teen hurt you… and begin to rebuild the relationship that has suffered.  It’s possible!  But it’ll take making that choice every day.

So start right now.  Choose to forgive.

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If you have children living at home, I challenge you to read a passage in the Bible… First Thessalonians, chapter 5.

Read these verses… and imagine them as directives to you as a mom or dad.  Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.  Sounds like a tall order, doesn’t it?  Especially when there’s tension at home that almost always accompanies adolescents.

But my hope for you is that you’ll see this period in your life as the very thing that transforms you.  When you come to the end of yourself— as you always will in parenting— fall on the grace of God… and find that He’s changing you for the better!

And that’s good cause for Giving thanks in all circumstances!

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I meet a lot of responsible parents.  They prepare for everything… from financial uncertainty to disaster readiness.  But when it comes to conflict in the home, they’re hopelessly unprepared!

Conflict isn’t optional in homes… it will come, especially if you have teens under your roof!  So, one of the best things you can do as a mom or dad is be prepared.  But how?

Well, first, it’s important to decide that you’ll move toward your teen, no matter what the fight is about.  Communicating love is more important than winning every argument.

Then, before any fight breaks out, make a plan for how you’ll listen and stay focused on the topic at hand.  When you get sidetracked or stop listening, the conflict inevitably goes downhill.

So… are you prepared for battle?

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When they say, “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” …they aren’t necessarily referring to personality types.

Just because a child shares your last name and reflects your facial features… doesn’t mean they have a similar personality type.  You may be calm, cool and collected… while your son is boisterous and the life of the party.  You might be into sports… while your daughter would rather play clarinet in the band.

Neither personality is bad!  It just takes extra effort on your part to accept your child as he is… to resist forcing him into your own likes and dislikes.

When it comes to the apple falling far from the tree… celebrate the differences in your kids!

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I find that parents today often fit my favorite analogy.  They’re preparing their kids to live in a zoo, rather than survive in the jungle!

Someone once heard my “jungle versus zoo” analogy and assumed I was suggesting we throw our kids to the lions!  They thought that preparing them to survive in the jungle meant that we expose them to the evil side of life.

That’s not what I’m talking about.

What I encourage parents to do is be aware!  Show your kids what to watch out for in the world, what can do them harm… and how to set up strong barriers so that the dangers don’t overcome them.

It’s a jungle out there!  You and your teens need to be prepared!

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

For some parents, every day is another crisis.  Long-term solutions don’t offer much comfort when you need help right now.  On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston shares a few immediate tips for how to stop the drama in your home and work towards a more manageable environment.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Nobody goes through life without struggling.  It’s just not possible!  So why do some parents freak out when their teen goes through hard times

Struggling teens often present a crisis to their parents.  Mom and dad might back away from their child in those moments… because they feel like failures.  Or they jump in and protect their teen from any hardship… longing to give them an easy and good life.

My challenge to moms and dads with struggling teens is this:  As your kids apply the principles you’ve taught them, they’ll always run into trouble in the world.  But that doesn’t mean you’ve done your job poorly!  In fact… it’s your chance to step up and love your teen at the time they need you most.

Struggle is normal.  It’s healthy.  And you need to expect it in your teen!

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If anger were an art form, I think teens would be the Michelangelo’s of the world!

You know what I’m talking about.  The verbal tirades of a 17- year- old… the empty cussing of your child’s friends… even the icy silence of a troubled teen.  I might be describing some of the colorful behavior in your own home!

After seeing some of the angriest teens come through the doors at our residential counseling center in Texas, I’ve learned that many kids are upset because they’re encountering things in life they weren’t prepared for.  The disappointment and confusion blindside them… and their response is pure anger.

Next time anger flares up in your home, be sure to keep your cool.  Then …take a look behind their outrage …and try to find out what’s really going on.

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I meet a lot of parents who are concerned about the world’s influence on their kids.  And they want to raise kids that’ll one day be healthy members of society.  That’s exactly what I want, too!

These desires for protection and preparation are good.  They’re God- given tendencies for parents.  But I find that many well-meaning moms and dads think they’re preparing their child for life in the world… by simply protecting them.  In fact… they’re over- protecting.

When that happens, kids end up either lost in a world they’ve never experienced before… or fighting their parents for independence.  You don’t want either one for your child.

So the question is this:  Are you preparing your teen to survive, and thrive, in the world they’re about to enter?

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I don’t spend too much time in the kitchen… I prefer to barbeque on the back porch.  But I do know that recipes make baking a whole lot easier.  The problem comes when we apply the step-by-step process to raising kids!

Adding ingredients in the right order and giving it time in the oven may work in the kitchen… but you’re in trouble if you think that’s the way parenting works!

Raising mature and independent adults takes intentionality.  Focus on building a relationship, listening to your teen, and sticking to your boundaries.  This will be an ongoing process… long after your kids leave the home.

Remember, parenting doesn’t take a simple recipe… it takes a mindset.  And it takes time.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

I recently received this question from a worried parent:  Is there an age where it’s too late to “fix” things?

Maybe you’re at a place where you feel like there’s no going back.  What’s done is done.  It seems like your kids have gone off the deep end… and now they’re even out of the house.

My answer for this concerned father… and for you… is this:  It’s never too late.  God is always working in you, in the situation and in your child.  But you may have to set aside the idea of “fixing” anything.

Perhaps now’s the time for you, as a mom or dad, to trust God… to let Him bring about the restoration you desperately want …and only He can do.

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Just like we need exercise to build physical strength, our kids need ample training to develop another important muscle.  On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston helps parents get their kids ready for the real world by helping them build decision-making muscles.

Special Guest:  Justin Arnold

PODCAST SCRIPT:

It’s a question I get asked a lot!  “Should I tell my teen about the mistakes in my past?”  

You and I made a lot of mistakes when we were growing up.  Some were small and stupid.  Others were bigger than we realized… and even changed the direction of our lives!  So… should we share with our kids some of these secret mishaps?  Or will that simply lead to an excuse for them to repeat the cycle?

Well, in my experience, I’ve found that honesty about the past… in age appropriate ways, of course… actually leads to a stronger relationship.  Kids will know you’re not perfect, and you can share the real regret you feel for some of your poor choices.

I think you’ll find that honesty will go a long way for you and your teen!

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Do you find yourself disappointed at times?  Like you can’t measure up to your expectations?  You’re probably rolling your eyes right now thinkin’… “Of course!  Life is hard!”

Yes, life is difficult.  And in the failures, the struggles… the blunders… we’re kept authentic.  I run into many parents who want the world to think their family is perfect.  And the kids in that family unit grow up learning that hardship and struggle are synonymous with failure… and should be avoided at all costs.

The better angle is this:  No one’s perfect.  We all fall… some of us more than others!  And the best part is… the hard stuff yields some of the most profound growth in the long run!

So… keep it real in your family, okay?  Let’s not try to breed perfectionists!

PODCAST SCRIPT:

In our culture, we keep intensely busy.  Schedules are over- done, calendars overbooked… and responsibilities overwhelming!

I don’t know what you’re facing in your life today… but I can imagine that you’ve got a lot on your plate.  That’s not necessarily bad.  Unless it takes away from your family relationships!

If you’re too busy to have fun with your teenage son, you’re too busy.  If you can’t ever seem to fit in an hour for coffee and conversation with your daughter, you’re too busy.

Make room for the most important things in life.  Maybe there’s something inconsequential that needs to drop off your calendar… in order to spend the best part of your day with your teen!

PODCAST SCRIPT:

If you jotted down every word you spoke to your teenager in a given day… what would the tally look like?  Heavy on the criticism side?  Or heavy on the praise?

Too many moms and dads get into the habit of tearing down their teen… with the hope that he’ll snap out of his teenage fog and shape up!  However, I find that this method doesn’t benefit either side.  Moms and dads are anxious and angry… leaving teens confused, frustrated, and suffering from low self- esteem.

Consider taking the challenge… and count how many times you criticize your kids today.  Then work hard at condemning less and praising more!

PODCAST SCRIPT:

If you’re a regular at the gym, you know that building muscles takes time, effort, and determination.  And, the muscle fibers must be broken down before they’re built up!

I’m not here to be your personal trainer at the gym.  But I can tell you that making wise choices is like building a strong muscle.  If you’re making all the choices for your teen, you’re actually keeping them from getting stronger!

Sure, there’s break down first.  Your son or daughter will make lots of mistakes.  But because of the blunders… they’ll learn to flex their skills a little better next time!

The whole process takes time, effort and determination on the part of parents.  But the end result?  A healthy… and strong… young adult!

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

If our teens had a safe place to share what they were really thinking and feeling … what would they say?  Mark Gregston answers that question on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens and talks about what kids wish their parents knew.

Special Guest:  Wendy Mattner

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Sometimes these two words are the hardest thing to say.  But they also have the power to mend relationships like nothing else.

Two words:  “I’m sorry.”  They’re two of the most difficult words to say… especially when it comes to fessin’ up to your teen.  It’s humbling.  Makes us feel out of control.

Some parents think that apologizing only lessens their credibility… or undercuts their authority.  But really… saying “I’m sorry” can still the ripples in your pond.

Your mistake created turmoil in your teen.  And since we all make mistakes… maybe it’s time to rebuild the relationship… and say those uncomfortable words:  I’m sorry.

PODCAST SCRIPT:

If you’ve seen an unexplainable or drastic change in your teen’s behavior, take a closer look.  It may be far more serious than “those turbulent teen years”!

Teens today are experimenting with drugs in a variety of ways.  You may not know it, but the intoxicating substance may be found in your kitchen drawer, medicine cabinet or garage!  There are literally thousands of ways to get high… that don’t seem as sinister as the well-known illegal drugs, but are potentially more dangerous!

As a parent, keep your eyes open for any clues that your child is experimenting with harmful substances.  Then, no matter whether they’re using household items or harder drugs… don’t look the other way.  Take action!

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I’ve heard it many times.  A frazzled mom, in a public place with a toddler… yelling warnings left and right.  You can hear her two aisles down in the grocery store, shouting “If you don’t get over here, I’m leavin’ without you!”

I’m pretty sure that mom wouldn’t leave her three- year- old in aisle six of the supermarket.  But we’ve all done what she did.  We get frustrated.  And we bark out warnings without any intention of following through.

I’ve met a lot of parents who put off consequences in favor of idle threats.  But I’ve also found that it breeds chaos in their home.

If that’s something you want to steer clear of… be sure to decide rules and consequences before the frustrating public scene happens.  Then …stick to your guns!

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When I was growing up, there was a lot of tension in our home.  We spent many dinners around the table in frustrated silence.  You know what that taught me about dealing with problems?  Just avoid ‘em!

That lesson from my childhood wasn’t the best one.  But maybe you can relate.  The higher the tension gets at home, the easier it is to check out… to stay quiet… or to find some convenient distraction.  Though it may seem like the easier route, it’s doing more harm in the long run.

Instead, choose to talk about issues in the home, even when it’s hard.  Your proactive approach… asking questions, listening to the answer, and sticking with it… will go a long way to relieving the tension in your home!

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What do you think your teens wish you knew?

I live at a residential counseling center in East Texas… and being surrounded by more than fifty teens gives some great opportunities for conversation.  I once asked the kids what they wished their parents knew.  One student said, “No matter how deep a hole I got into, I didn’t want my parents to leave me.” 

Another student said, “I wish they knew that their definition of abnormal was my definition of normal.”  And one more.  A teenage boy said to me “Just because I don’t talk doesn’t mean I don’t want to.  It’s just that I don’t know what to say.”

Maybe it’s time you ask your own teen that question:  What do you wish your parents knew?

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No parent wants their child to get hurt.  But when protection turns into control, it can cause even greater problems.  On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston encourages parents to stop controlling and start inviting kids to take on new responsibilities.

Special Guest:  Joey O’Connor

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When parents ask me how to better communicate with their teens, I usually start with this:  Quit talking.

It might seem harsh… like I’m trying to stunt the growth of a parent- child relationship.  But actually, keeping your mouth shut can be a catalyst for development and greater maturity in your teen.

You see… when we’re constantly reminding, teaching and correcting teens, it backfires on us.  You’re giving them the answer because you want to fill them with wisdom.  But every answer you give… is one they don’t have to figure out themselves.  It’s a recipe for stunted growth, if I’ve ever heard one!

So… try this out with your teen today.  Improve your communication.  Resist the temptation to lecture!

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What are your hobbies?  What do you spend your Saturday afternoons doing?  Now… one more question:  Are you putting the same effort into connecting with your teen, that you’re pouring into your favorite pastime?

We all need time to rest, relax and do the things we like best.  But here’s an idea.  Why not do it with your teen, as well?  Take time to find out what your son or daughter likes… and do it with them.  Or… if you can’t find some common ground, explore a new activity together!

The time you invest in your teen will be abundantly rewarding.  And… who knows?  You just might find a new hobby!

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The teenage years are important ones.  They’re not a time just to “get through” as fast as possible.  Especially when it comes to spiritual things!

It’s easy to wish away the turbulent teen years.  But I wish I could show you what they’ll look like twenty years from now… when you and your child will fondly remember these days.  You’ll see that God was doing great things.  He was teaching your son or daughter to think, to understand, to trust and to take risks.  He was molding them just as He wanted.

And beyond that… He was teaching you to let go.  And to trust Him.  These lessons in spiritual growth are too valuable to wish away!

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When I was a kid, the music I liked drove my parents crazy.  They couldn’t understand why I liked what they called “noise.”

You might not like the music your teen listens to, either.  But I meet a lot of parents who make a big deal out of a small issue.  They major on the minors.  Even though you may not like a particular type of music… step back and take stock.  Is the choice of music… or whatever else you’re dealing with today… the thing that should fracture your relationship?

It’s amazing how your teen’s taste will change over time.  Before long, they might even like much of the same music you and I do.  So… make sure you’re focusing on the majors.  Not the minors!

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Has your child ever said this to you:  “I don’t need any help!”  “I can do it on my own!”

If you have a teen living under your roof, chances are you hear those words all the time.  And if they aren’t saying it with their mouths, they’re certainly saying it with their actions!  But rather than viewing such communication as a slap in the face from an ungrateful child… I’d encourage you to take it as a compliment!

What I mean is this.  Disrespect should never be allowed… but your goal as a mom or dad is to raise healthy, independent children.  Right?  Well then …why not celebrate when the kids start to spread their wings?  Let them strike out on their own!  Let them “do it all by themselves”!

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Teaching kindness is an important job for parents.  But when it comes to enforcing this attitude with our kids, our actions speak louder than words.  Mark Gregston helps parents establish a respectful home environment on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens.

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While at the airport recently, I watched a dad snap at his 14- year- old son.  They had spotted a famous football player on the concourse and asked for a photograph with him.  But the whole time they were with the athlete… dad publically criticized his son.

I’m sure that father was trying to get his son to “shape up.”  He acted embarrassed… rather than show pride in his son.  But as I watched that scene, I could see the anger and poor self esteem emerge from that teenage boy.

The lesson here is easy.  Compliment your teenagers often in front of others, and you will give them a reputation to live up to.

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Kids need boundaries.  No matter how hard they try to tell you they don’t need rules… it isn’t true!

A lack of limits has the tendency to produce a child that’s selfish, demanding and aggressively controlling.  Here’s an analogy.  A glass of milk is a good thing… healthy and drinkable.  But take away the limits of the glass… and all you get is spilled milk.  All that good stuff is wasted!

Take a look at the limits around your teen.  Are they sturdy?  Are they fair?  If the rules are too confining, your teen will push right through them.  If they’re too weak, you’re training your child to be selfish and demanding.

Spilled milk, anyone?

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Bullies have always been part of the playground politics.  Most likely, you remember a few of those tangles out on the schoolyard.

Though we’ll always find a handful of mean-spirited kids in class… the bullies today are using new weapons.  The Internet, texting, blogs and Facebook all provide creative new ways to beat up on others verbally …for all to see.

As parents, we need to be aware of the damage inflicted by digital bullies… and step in to stop it whenever we can.  Go the extra mile to protect your kids.  Or… if the bully actually lives under your roof… take away the tools of the trade!

Just because the bullies look different… doesn’t mean they’re any less dangerous!

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Know that saying… the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree?  Well, it’s probably describing your family!

Though the culture and friends greatly influence our kids… there’s actually a stronger and more consistent force on their lives.  YOU.  Yes, you.  The principles and behaviors your teen eventually adopts are mostly learned from observing mom and dad.

So… if that’s the case… what are you communicating?  Do your actions express kindness toward others?  Can your teen tell you value God and His Book?  Where have you taught your kids to go for help and comfort?

Take a look at what you’re teaching your kids.  ‘Cuz the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree!

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If you eaves dropped on a typical household… one with a few teens, a mom and a dad… what noises would you hear?

The more I meet struggling teens and their panicked parents, the more I find that the four walls of their home encompass arguments.  A lot of arguments.  Some are loud and include shouting.  Some are hushed, but filled with anger.  Sound familiar?

Though I’d never want any families to avoid conflict… in fact, I think it’s an important part of growth… I’d want them to cut down on needless verbal battering.  Is there an argument that can be turned into a discussion?  Do you need to stop contributing to the yelling- match and start listening instead?

It takes two to have an argument.  Don’t be one of them!

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

When a teen acts out, parents might peg their behavior as rebellious.  But more often than not, kids these days are just struggling with feeling “lost.”  On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston shares ways parents can help lead their lost teens back home.

Special Guest:  Jim Burns

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Believe it or not, you can’t judge a teen by his behavior any more than you can judge a book by its cover.

When it comes to teens, what you see is not always what you get.  What may look like uncontrolled rebellion to a parent, may be nothing more than misplaced desire for independence in the teen.  Or… what comes across as an angry kid… may expose some of your own weaknesses!

It’s not always easy to tell the difference, however.  So that’s where you and I need to do some digging.  Look behind the behavior.  Ask some questions.  Wait for answers.

Don’t judge a book by its cover.  And don’t judge a teen by behavior!

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Most likely you enjoy making your own choices.  We all like to be in control of things!  So… when did that start for you?  When was the first time you thought, I’m making my own decision here?

I bet there’s never been a time in your life when you didn’t want to be in control!  In fact, you probably fought for independence in your grade school and high school years.  So why are we shocked when our own teens want to step out on their own?

High-control parents have a way of stifling creativity and knockin’ the ambition right out of their kids.  So how ‘bout it?  Let the rope out a little.  Today… give your teen a little space to make their own choices!

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I meet a lot of parents who have good intentions … trying to raise them to embrace high moral standards.  But what happens when the once-peaceful child turns into a teen spinning out of control?

That situation is all too common:  Parents wanting to do everything right … but watching their kids turn out all wrong.

Hey, if you’re in this situation, take stock of your rules, boundaries and beliefs.  Have your parenting techniques shifted as your child gets older?  Or are you still enforcing rules that worked five years ago?

I know your intentions are good!  But I’d challenge you to stick to your beliefs … while updating the way you communicate with your teens.

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Ever gotten lost on a road trip?  It’s confusing and frustrating when you take a couple wrong turns.  Everything looks strange and unfamiliar.

I find those feelings of insecurity and confusion are exactly what teens feel when they encounter a world they weren’t expecting.  The map they have, and the things they were trained for … don’t match up with reality.  Especially as the culture is changing at an unprecedented rate.

So next time you’re frustrated because it feels like your child is going in circles … just remember that sometimes they’re not rebellious.  They’re lost.

Don’t beat your kid up for losing his way.  Put your arm around him … and help him find his way home.

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When struggles come, it’s easy to wish your teens wouldn’t make dumb decisions … or rebel against the values you hold dear.

Your family may seem like it’s spiraling out of control … but you have a choice.  Keep wishing that everything were different … or choose to accept reality.

Maybe the struggle you face with your teen today is actually an avenue for God’s grace to show up in your household.  Perhaps the conflict is actually causing you to trust God for the outcome … more than ever before.

So today … don’t chase the fantasy of a perfect home with perfect relationships.  Thank God for the mess in front of you … because that’s what He’s chosen to use in your life!

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

As teens express their independence, it’s hard for parents to know which behaviors to target.  Sometimes we need to take a step back, evaluate our values and pick our battles wisely.  Mark Gregston helps parents think wisely about establishing boundaries in the home, on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens.

Special Guest:  Justin Arnold

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What’s the temperature in your home?  If the conflict’s gettin’ hot … don’t give up on your teen!  Remember to keep the end in view!

If the bickering seems constant … and the arguments are heatin’ up … you’re probably not thinking about your kid’s character ten years from now.  But, rest assured, your hard work today will pay off tomorrow.

Help your teens acknowledge their frustrations and work through them.  Teach them to see different options to their troubles, to weigh them … and to choose wisely.

In the heat of the battle, it may feel like you’re losing ground.  But take heart.  What you teach your child today … will show up in their character years down the road!

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I have three grandkids … and my heart skips a beat every time I get to see them.

More and more I meet grandparents who’ve become guardians over their grandchildren.  For various reasons, parents aren’t able to care for the kids … and grandma and grandpa step in.

I want to encourage you … whether you’re the legal caretaker for grandkids, or you just get to hang out every once in awhile … your influence is powerful!  You have the opportunity to make your grandkids feel valued and to grow in confidence.

Don’t miss out on these incredible occasions.  If your grandkids are like mine … they love being together just as much as you do!

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Not too long ago a friend snapped a photo of me at my desk.  I had three computers running, I was talking on the phone and texting on my cell.  All at the same time!

You probably have moments like that, too.  Technology can run our life.  And it’s never more true than for your teen.

So, have you stepped out of the digital world lately to connect with your teen?  Have you made a date this week to have coffee with your daughter?  Or take your son to the driving range?

I’m not one to discourage the use of technology!  But keep it in its place.  This time, turn the cell phone off.  And take some time for eye-to-eye communication with your teen!

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You wouldn’t spend all day in the sun without putting on some sunscreen, right?

You’re taking preventative measures now … so serious skin damage doesn’t happen later.  Well, for parents of teens, that idea needs to translate to your marriage!

I work with a lot of moms and dads who have an out-of-control teen at home.  And couples who don’t prepare for the struggle often suffer a lot of damage in their marriage.

Parents with kids approaching the teen years would be wise to prepare ahead of time!  Get on the same page as your spouse … and make sure the foundations are strong.

It’s like applying sunscreen.  You can’t see it.  But your investment today could save your marriage tomorrow!

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What’s your perspective on discipline?  Are you trying to uphold the rules?  Or … keep your kid from getting hurt?

Think of it this way … discipline is helping your child get to a place where they want to be … and keeping them from a place where they don’t want to end up.

Before you get embroiled in a big blow-out with your teen, make a plan ahead of time.  It’ll help you keep your cool and stay focused on the goal.

Don’t lose sight of the underlying purpose.  Remember … discipline is helping your child get to a place where they want to be … and keeping them from a place where they don’t want to end up!  

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Digital communication has become an essential tool in our culture.  That’s why it’s more important than ever to monitor your teen’s behavior in cyber-space.

Special Guest:  Rachel Olshine

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When I was a kid, the biggest altercations occurred on the playground.  Bullies.  King of the hill.  Reputations were destroyed between swing-sets and jungle gyms.

It’s different today.  The threat to your kid’s ego is invasive and pervasive.  I’m talking, of course, about the Internet.

Cyber-bullying runs rampant, and without supervision, in the form of hateful FaceBook posts … texts … or anonymous comments in chat rooms.

Moms and Dads … be aware of the bullying that happens online.  If you see evidence of it against your child … or, worse, from your child … take immediate action.

Rescue victims from the damaging effects of bullying … whether in person or online!

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Are you having a tough time connecting with your teen?

Your son or daughter is communicating with people all the time … with text and IM and FaceBook.  But my question is this … are you connecting with your teen?

Take the initiative to spend time with your child … to engage in a way that goes deeper than their mobile device.  Don’t wait for them to pursue you.  It may never happen.  Take the initiative.  Make a date to have a conversation.  The time you spend together … though it won’t always seem like it’s profound or life-changing … it will have a lasting, positive impact.

So make it happen!  Today.  Choose to connect with your teen.

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Do you have video games at your house?

It’s not bad to have video games in the house.  Most likely it’s a lot of fun for the kids … and maybe you jump in from time to time, as well.  But what happens when gaming becomes an obsession?

It started out as a way for your teen to hang out with friends … but it’s become all-consuming.  Even addictive.  Mom.  Dad.  Don’t let it slide!  As a parent, you need to set up healthy boundaries that are age-appropriate.

Like everything else that goes on in your house, keep your eyes open.  Don’t check out.  If your teen can’t balance his life on the console … help him find healthy alternatives.

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It’s a banner day for the greeting card industry!  You’ll likely buy a card and gift for your sweetheart today.  But what about your kids?

Every day is an opportunity to build into your kids the love and value they crave.  And perhaps today … Valentine’s Day … will remind you that the teens in your life need to be celebrated.  They’ll naturally gravitate to the people who genuinely value them … so make that a priority in your home!

Don’t compare your teen to others.  Tell your daughter you love her.  Don’t move away from your son when he makes a mistake.

On Valentines Day, and every day, let your teen sense your love.

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I don’t know about you … but with a smart phone and a laptop, I’m virtually online all day long!

Just as adults like instant access to the Internet, our kids have grown to demand it, too.  But as parents … how do we let our kids use this great resource without abusing it?  How do we effectively balance a teen’s privacy while protecting them from dangerous world online?

Well, let your son or daughter know that you respect them enough to occasionally dig into their personal online activity … in order to protect them from danger.  Don’t allow them to have free reign on the worldwide web.

Teach your kids that respect and safety go hand in hand.

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Most parents have a healthy desire to instill biblical values, moral standards, and ethical mindsets in their kids.  But in today’s modern world, encouraging these principles doesn’t happen the way it used to.  On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston explains why traditional parenting no longer works and suggests alternatives for your home.

Special Guest:  Tim Kimmel

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There’s an old saying about procrastination … that you shouldn’t put off until tomorrow what you could do today.

When it comes to dealing with a teen who’s spiraling out of control, you have a lot of stuff to deal with right now.  I get that.  But let’s push the pause button for a second.  Whatever you’re facing at home … whether it’s an angry son, a willful daughter, or a tense household … put that ol’ saying into play in the realm of communicating love.

Don’t postpone what you truly need to express right now.  Surprise your kids with humility and affection.  Tell your teens today that you love them … no matter what they do or say.

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I grew up in a day when rules were strict, beds were made and lectures were delivered.  And ignoring the rules wasn’t an option!

Whether or not your home was like mine … you’re probably well aware … it’s not like that anymore.  These days, lecturing doesn’t snap a kid back into line … it simply causes him to shut down.

I’ve found that constant advice on how to do things “right” or “better” … only serve to create distance.  In fact, mom and dad, when all you do is lecture … your teen will begin to see you as judgmental.

And, of course, that’s not what you’re trying to communicate!  So learn new ways of engaging.  Cut the lecture.  Start the conversation!

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Kids make mistakes.  Sometimes really stupid mistakes.  But when your teen messes up … do you come unglued?

I find that too many Christian families have a love affair with perfectionism.  And that means when a teen does something wrong … it either ignites an ugly altercation … or … worse yet, it gets silently swept under the carpet like nothing happened.  Sound familiar?

When mistakes are made, how ‘bout saying something like this:  “Son, you don’t have to perform for me.”  Then, say this … “Son, I won’t leave when you do something wrong.”  They’re some of the most healing words spoken in families today!

Next time your kid goofs up … try practicing grace.

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Deep down, most moms and dads want just two things:  perfect kids and peace in the home.

I’m guessing those are on your list, too … perfection and peace.  But, anyone who has teens knows the fallacy behind those goals.  And when chaos reigns in the home … and our kids keep making goofy mistakes, what are we supposed to do?

Well, my suggestion is this.  Change your perspective.  Instead of aiming for perfection and peace … simply look for signs of progress.  Have you strengthened your relationships since this time last year?  Are you talking less and listening more?   And are you personally growing as a parent?

God doesn’t demand perfection.  But He does call us to grow!

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I’ve often heard parents say, “I’ve done everything right.  How come my kids going sideways on me?”

It’s possible that you’ve felt that way, too.  If you discipline by the book … your kids should turn out to be picture perfect.  Right?  But what happens when it doesn’t work?  And let me tell you … in today’s culture, those ol’ recipes for parenting almost never deliver what we expect!

When kids don’t respond the way we hoped … maybe it’s time to shift our approach.  What isn’t working in your home?  How can you adjust your style?

For now, scrap the false notion that doing everything right will fix your family.  Try something new.  And never, never, give up!

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

When it comes to homework and report cards, parents have high expectations for their kids.  But these well-meaning standards might not always resonate with your teen.

Special Guest: Wendy Matner

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Are you finding it nearly impossible to get through to your teen?

It’s tough to reach your teen … when he’s got his headphones on all the time and all you get back is a grunt or a one-word answer.  But don’t allow those obstacles to deter you.  This is no time to back off!

Find a way to engage your teen with funny stories from your past.  Let them share in the humor of some of your dumb mistakes.  Make sure they’ve heard about your family history … and the reason you turned out like you have.  These unfiltered moments will produce esteem, stability and a sense of purpose.

Mom.  Dad.  Quit lecturing and tell some good ol’ stories!

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When your child’s report card comes home … are you pleased?  Or deflated?

Mom and Dad … how do you respond when you’re expecting A’s … and your kid brings home D’s?  Well, when the day comes … keep these principles in mind.

First, never step in to rescue your child!  Doing their homework reinforces their failure.

Second, if you notice a drastic and sudden decline in grades … look for a deeper cause.  There may be something wrong … such as depression or drug abuse.

And finally, if grades drop … don’t over-react by punishing poor performance.  Your child’s value surpasses a report card!  Stay on their team … and be the Mom and Dad they desperately need!

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So … when and where does your teen open up … and talk?

Just as you and I are more comfortable in certain settings … our kids also let down their guard where they feel safe.  Have you figured out where they like to hang out?

Parents, notice the times and locations that your teen is unplugged and willing to talk.  And then, seek out that venue for future conversations.

Become a student of your teen’s preferences.  A cup of coffee?  A favorite spot in town they like?  Maybe they open up late at night.

Mom.  Dad.  Pay attention!  A little effort on your part can go a long way to building a deep, long-lasting relationship with your child.

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Is your son self- motivated?  Does your daughter take her education seriously?

Getting your child to complete his homework or attend all his classes might be like pulling teeth.  It’s frustrating.  Most likely, you’re tired of pushing him to perform better… and he’s digging his heels in because he feels manipulated.

My advice is to make a serious evaluation of your own expectations for your child.  Are you projecting your own desires on your son or daughter.  Hey … hand the outcome of their education over to them!

No doubt …you’ll run into bumps in the road.  And you won’t always see the grades you’d like.  But over time your child will learn to self- manage… to set goals… and achieve them!

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Think about the last time you opened your son or daughter’s report card.  Do you remember how you responded to their academic performance?

Whether you saw straight A’s… C’s, D’s or F’s… you had a choice in that moment about how to value your teen.  See, grades are important.  But we can’t forget that marks don’t determine a child’s value.  Their worth is not measured by their GPA.  And while it’s important to do well… it shouldn’t overshadow our relationship.

My challenge to you is to look at the next report card… take a deep breath… then encourage your child in whatever way possible.  Help ‘em work hard at school… but be sure they know that you’ll love them no matter what … whether A’s or F’s… or anything in between.

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Most parents never expect their teens to get involved with drugs.  But with growing trends of drug use, moms and dads are caught off guard.  Mark Gregston helps parents recognize the signs of drug use on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens.

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Peer pressure.  It’s a natural part of life.  We face it… and our kids face it, too.

The desire to fit in with others isn’t relegated to a certain age bracket.  And it can be a positive thing… especially when you’re surrounded by people who want to do the right thing.

But as mom and dads know so well… peer pressure can push our kids to do stuff they’d never do otherwise.  When our teens surround themselves with friends of questionable character… their convictions get compromised.  It’s not a conscious choice to disregard your values and priorities… they just desperately want to fit in.

As a mom or dad, you need to understand the nature of the battle.  Work to establish a solid relationship with your teen.  Help them find their way …in a world that’s working against them!

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One of the most powerful influences on young people today is their need to belong… to fit in and to be accepted by their peers.

Research shows that the need to belong is growing… but a sense of true belonging can’t be bought.  You don’t get it from Facebook or texting.  A sense of community is taught, nurtured and modeled.  And if teens don’t find a sense of belonging in their own family… they’ll start looking in all the wrong places!

I’ve worked with thousands of kids over the years and most of them are acting out of some kind of loss… or a need to belong that was unfulfilled.

Make your home a place where the entire family knows they have a place.  Give unconditional love and encouragement… making sure your teen doesn’t go elsewhere to find acceptance!

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Hey, mom and dad.  Are you holding a grudge against one of your kids?  Did your son or daughter mess up …and you’re still holding their mistake over their head?

No relationship can thrive without a spirit of grace and forgiveness.  As parents, we need to acknowledge the pain that comes when our kids fail to meet our expectations.  And we need to realize that withholding forgiveness builds a huge barrier between us …and those we otherwise love.

Do some inventory today.  Think about the ways you might be causing your child to pay for the pain they’ve caused.  How ‘bout burying the hatchet?  Don’t you think it’s time?  Let ‘em know that it’s over …and you love them unconditionally.

God did it for you.  Let’s do it for our kids!

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When it comes to taking drugs, most parents never envision their kid will drink booze, smoke pot …or take pills.

I’ve seen too many unsuspecting parents… moms and dads  convinced their teen’s not the type to try drugs… discover just the opposite.  Experimentation is no longer just something the bad kids do.  It’s everywhere.  So you need to know how to spot whether your child is using drugs.

Watch for a sudden and drastic changes in your teenager’s honesty, grades, behavior, attentiveness or friends.  And the substance abuse may start with things you have in your kitchen, medicine cabinet or garage.

Even if you have the best kids in the world… stay alert!  Keep your eyes wide open.  And don’t let your naiveté keep you from being the protective parent your child desperately needs.

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Have you ever experienced that knee-jerk reaction… when your child has done something goofy …unacceptable …and your first reaction is to pull away?  Sure you have.  I have, too.

We’re human.  And when someone hurts us… especially someone we love… it’s natural to clam up.  But avoiding the issues can have a disastrous impact.  In fact, we become the consequence for their actions… when we pull away.  That’s entirely unproductive.

Mom.  Dad.  Though it’s hard, decide right now that you’ll continue to move toward your child whenever they disappoint you.  Reinforce that there’s nothing they can do to make you love them less… and there’s nothing they can do to make you love them more.

Don’t pull away.  Draw them in.

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

When a parent discovers that their son or daughter is inflicting physical self-harm, it’s alarming.  But most likely this behavior points to an even greater issue lying beneath the behavior.  On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston helps moms and dads get to the root of a teen’s cutting and self-harm.

Special Guest: Deedee Mayer