WEEKEND: The Art of Asking Questions (7-30-2011)

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Every parent desires to teach, train and impart wisdom to his or her kids.  But most teenagers have a tendency to shut down when parents begin to lecture.  Mark Gregston suggests a different approach to effectively communicate with your teen.  Learn the art of asking questions on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens. Special guest: Dee Dee Mayer.

Single Parenting (7-29-2011)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

One of the toughest roles anyone can have in today’s culture is that of a single parent.

It’s hard enough to rear a teenager with two parents; but with one parent, the problems multiply.  In addition to the loss of finances, the loss of a spouse and the loss of help with parenting, teenagers tend to act out their feelings of loss and can be an extra handful.

Most single parents are walking down a road they didn’t plan to be on.  They started with two parents, but something happened—death, divorce, abandonment—and now they are struggling to fill two roles. If you know a single parent, go to them today and find practical ways to help and encourage them.

When There is Conflict (7-28-2011)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

I believe conflict is the precursor to change, but it’s important to keep conflict from changing your relationship.

First, don’t allow the crisis at hand to spill over and contaminate the rest of the relationship. It’s easy for the conflict to slip into every conversation, but don’t let it.

Second, don’t lose the “concept of we” in middle of the conflict. The relationship that you have been building with your child is more important than the conflict at hand, so protect it.

Third, don’t let small conflicts build up into big ones—deal with them when they happen or they’ll turn into wars.

Conflict can be positive if you work through it in a way that your relationship remains intact.

Stopping the Anger (7-27-2011)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

You can’t fight or argue with your teenager’s feelings of anger; that will just make them angrier.

The “stand your ground” drill sergeant approach of “yelling and telling” doesn’t work with anger either. That just models shouting and will turn your home into an unending scream fest.

Correcting an angry teen with equal or greater anger is like throwing gasoline on a raging fire.  So, the better way is as scripture says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath.”

Anger is a symptom—so don’t try to beat it, treat it or cover it up.  When there is anger, remain calm. Find the disappointment or hurt that is driving your teen’s anger and focus instead on dealing with that.

Alleviate the Pain (7-26-2011)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

When your teen is experiencing emotional pain, it’s up to you to provide the comfort they need.

First, create an encouraging atmosphere. Consider taking a trip to your teen’s favorite place to hang out, like a restaurant or cafe.  Sit down together away from home and talk about the pain they are feeling and where it comes from.  Present helpful options, such as offering to take them to a counselor or perhaps a break away from their current environment for a time.

Finally, convey some of your own past experiences to tell them that they aren’t alone…and that there is hope for the future. Being there for your teen at this dark time can make all the difference.

Parent Follow Through (7-25-2011)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Parents seem to have the most problem in the area of follow-through when their teenager breaks the rules.

It’s not enough to just set up rules and boundaries with your teen, and establish consequences for various violations.  It is imperative that you also follow through.

Follow-through takes time and effort.  And it can be uncomfortable.  So, either out of time constraints or fear that our kids won’t like us if we punish them, we sometimes let them off the hook.  But that undermines everything we are trying to accomplish.

In Texas terms, I urge you to “stick to your guns.” If you fail to follow through, the only lesson they will learn is that your rules can be easily broken.

WEEKEND: Boundaries and Sexuality (7-23-2011)

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

In our sex-saturated culture, teens are exposed to ideas and behaviors that may drastically contradict our values.  So how can we set our kids up for success?  On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston helps parents address a sensitive topic with their kids and establish boundaries with sexuality. Special Guest: Jim Burns

Effective Discipline (7-22-2011)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Something amazing happens when discipline helps a child discover the folly of their actions.

Once a group of boys chased a cow we had at Heartlight until it had heat stroke and died.  It was against the rules, but they did it anyway.  Helping them feel the weight of what they had done, I instructed them to dig a huge hole, deep and wide enough to bury that cow.  After a day of digging in the sweltering East Texas heat and smelling the dead, bloating cow, they learned their lesson more than any other form of discipline I could have applied.

When consequences are matched to misbehavior, it teaches the lesson far better than punishment that isn’t.

Parent Denial (7-21-2011)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Sometimes parents find it hard to face up to misbehavior in their children.  But without that first step of recognition, behavior will only worsen.

When you see your teenager struggling, it’s not uncommon to look the other way or rationalize it as being “normal” teenage behavior.

It can be difficult to accept the fact that your teen has a problem that is bigger than you can handle.  You may even cover it up for feeling that you are a part of its cause.  But ignoring it today can be deadly.  Recognition of the problem is the first step to getting help.  It’s never too early to act to help your teen, but I have sadly seen many times when it was too late.

Teen Discipline (7-20-2011)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Many parents aren’t disciplining their children effectively because they focus only on half of the discipline.

Discipline works best when it is focused on the desired result, not just expecting the punishment to do the teaching. Simply put, discipline should be designed to take your child from where he is to where he wants to be, and keep  him from going to a place where he doesn’t want to end up.

So, grounding a misbehaving teen is only half of the equation. Use it as an opportunity to spend time with him, discussing the misbehavior and why it needs to stop.  Build your relationship and reinforce your rules, rather than leaving him alone to stew about your punishment.