Visions of Faith (5-31-2011)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

The Bible says that faith comes by hearing, but I believe it is also learned by seeing it authentically lived out by parents.

Parents can demonstrate a lifestyle of faith to their children in many ways; by allowing your children to see you regularly reading the Bible and by turning to God in the good times as often as in the bad.

Talk about your family’s heritage of faith and how you became a believer.  Don’t buy into the notion that you shouldn’t push your children toward any one faith. That’s simply a lie. Your single most important duty as a parent is to influence your children’s faith, and that includes modeling an authentic and unapologetic Christian yourself.

Pain’s Megaphone (5-30-2011)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

C. S. Lewis wrote, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pain.” Are you shutting out God’s voice in your teenager’s life?

The natural tendency of parents is to protect their kids from pain.  But they need to recognize that pain is a tool that causes the teen to question their current circumstances and reevaluate their goals and methods.

We don’t want to see our children in pain, so we bail them out. But it’s best to not interfere, since avoiding pain today allows childish thinking and foolish behavior to continue tomorrow. Don’t think of consequences as punishments, but as tools designed to help your teen make better choices.

WEEKEND: Alcohol Abuse (5-28-2011)

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Times are changing, and our kids face mounting peer pressure to experiment with alcohol.  But when a teen is caught drinking, parental involvement is a must.  Mark Gregston helps parents discuss alcohol abuse with their teen, on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens.

Faithfulness (5-27-2011)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

In The Fellowship of the Ring Tolkein wrote, “Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens.”

Conflict in the home is usually marked by withdrawal.  The kids pull away from the parents and the parents pull away from the kids.  But it is at those moments when things are darkest, that coming together is more important than ever.

Kids often withdraw because of shame and guilt over what they’ve done.  Parents often withdraw because of feeling betrayed or confused over what is causing the problem.  But the parents must take the initiative and demonstrate grace, love and acceptance toward their kids regardless of the situation.  Mom and dad, they need you in the darkest times, most of all.

Understanding (5-26-2011)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

When I tell kids, “I understand where you’re coming from” it doesn’t mean that I therefore accept their bad behavior, I just understand why they are behaving as they are.

It’s important for parents to empathize with their teenager.  Words like “I understand” or “I would feel the same way” are helpful. But your empathy doesn’t mean they are off the hook or can continue such destructive patterns.

When teens are dealing with issues they didn’t choose; like divorce, death of a parent, abuse, or bullying, we can and should be in their corner.  But they’re still responsible for the choices they make.  Listen and understand what’s going on with your child, but don’t allow anything to excuse their misconduct.

Fellowship of Pain (5-25-2011)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Let me tell you why your teenager hangs out with kids you don’t approve of, and it has nothing to do with rebellion.

I’m amazed at how open and honest the kids who come to Heartlight are with each other about their deepest troubles.  They seem to be willing to share with complete strangers how messed up they are, and they immediately bond and accept each other because they have similar troubles.

Likewise, kids most often hang out with kids at school who can identify with their pain.  You can be assured of this, that if your teen can’t talk to you honestly about their problems, they’ll find someone else to fill that role, and to fit in, they’ll behave just like them.

Performance of Fear (5-24-2011)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Some teens live with the fear that if they make a mistake they will lose their parents’ love.

If you have a performance-based relationship with their child, that relationship is driven by fear.  They may respond by trying to be perfect, never making any mistakes, or they could just give up trying and rebel.  In either case they will lack the confidence that comes from unconditional love.

My kids sometimes disappointed me, and gave me some of my gray hair, but I’ve learned to never given them reason to think their actions in any way affected my love for them.  While we want to reward good behavior and correct bad, it’s vital that we convey the message that our love will never change.

Flexible Parents (5-23-2011)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Anyone who has broken a horse knows that while it may start easy for some, for others it can get ugly in a hurry.

I have a set practice for breaking and training horses, but I adapt it to each individual horse.  Each one responds to a different approach.  If one technique doesn’t work, I just switch to another method that works better.

It would be nice if parenting were a “one size fits all” operation.  But the truth is that different kids respond to different parenting techniques, and that can change at different stages in their lives.  Parents need to be flexible enough to do what works rather than stubbornly insisting on doing things one way.

WEEKEND: Helping Independence Happen (5-21-2011)

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Every parent wants to see their child grow up to be a healthy, confident adult.  But how do we transition out of protection-parenting in order to make room for our kids’ independence?  On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston gives practical advice for helping independence happen.  Special guest: Dee Dee Mayer.

Accept the Reality (5-20-2011)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Acceptance is one step toward healing for a troubled teen.

It’s not easy to embrace the truth of what’s happening when your teen is struggling.  But accepting the reality and the part you may have played in it changes your perspective and helps you move from judgment to compassion, from harshness to tenderness.

When parents admit problems exist in their families, it changes their attitude and allows them to seek a common answer as a team, rather than placing blame or responsibility on one family member.  Acceptance is not a magic bullet that will immediately solve every problem your family has, and I don’t want you to think I’m selling an easy answer—but it is a great first step.