The Mirror Of Injustice (8-31-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Teenagers have an uncanny need for justice.

In your teen has any spunk at all, he’s going to rebel against rules that aren’t fair or equitable. The need to be treated justly is a strong drive in every teenager.

So, being hypocritical in your own life is asking your teen to rebel against the injustice of it. For instance, taking their car away for getting a speeding ticket makes no sense when they know you speed all the time. And demanding that they talk with respect to you while you talk rudely to them just doesn’t match up.

The point is this, don’t ask your teen to do anything you won’t do yourself. That’s just asking them to rebel.

Teen Runaways (8-30-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Each year more than one million teenagers run away from home in the U.S.

Most teens who run away return home within a few hours or days. But some never return, leaving heartbroken parents wondering what they could have done differently.

Running away is usually a symptom of a family structure that has broken down. It can be in response to parents who are inconsistent, unbending or inflexible, or it could be the teen running to something or someone that they perceive to be better.

A counselor can help discern the underlying motivations and help the parents and teen to make minor concessions to allow the teen more of a feeling of autonomy, while also holding everyone accountable.

WEEKEND: Boundaries (8-28-2010)

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Teenagers seem to have a knack for pushing boundaries.  But in order to keep healthy relationships in the home, parents need to set limits.  Mark Gregston helps moms and dads communicate clear boundaries on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens.

Using the Right Words (8-27-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

When it comes to responsibilities, teenagers seem to have a better time handling the word “when” than “if.”

It’s amazing how teens pick up on a parent’s hesitancy. Saying “If you do your chores today, you can go see your friends” simply tells the teen that they have a decision to make. Do I do the chores or not? The parent who instead says “When you do your chores today…” tells the teen that the chores are expected to be done, regardless, and before anything else.

It is a subtle difference, but using the word “when” versus “if” can help a teen remain focused on the task.

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Our next Families in Crisis retreat is September 9-11.  Come get help from Mark and see the Heartlight campus.  Visit www.familycrisisconference.com to learn more.

Teen Parenting Priority (8-26-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Some parents worry too much about their teenagers.

The parent who incessantly worries about their teenager, can’t get away for a break because they’re afraid what the teen will do, and who talks only about their teen’s problems, is headed for disaster. I see it all the time. The parents get so focused on their teenager that they become quick-tempered, nervous wrecks. It draws a wedge in the marriage and the whole family can be lost.

The best thing parents can do – for themselves, their family and their teenager — is to make sure their marriage remains healthy and strong. Make that your first priority, and you’ll be much more able to deal with anything your children throw your way.

Firestarters in the Family (8-25-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

In families with a struggling teenager, a lot of unhealthy 3rd person sniping can go on, pitting family members against each other.

When teens are struggling, they can become experts at shifting attention away from themselves, by saying deceitful things about other family members behind their backs. I call them “firestarters.” They can pit one parent against another, or the other siblings against their parents. Their smoldering fires can even cause the breakup of a family.

Parents need to understand this dynamic and agree to always stand united in regard to decisions, discipline and rules. Doing so takes the fire away from the firestarters.

Trust Your Teen (8-24-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Some parents simply don’t trust their teen, even if they’ve done nothing wrong.

While children should know they need to earn their parent’s trust, a certain amount of trust should be given by parents automatically. If a parent errs, it should be that they trust their children too much, not too little, at least until that trust is broken.

Trust is a form of respect. Show your teen that you trust them and they’ll more likely trust and respect you and your rules in return.

Mistrusting parents are usually those who have made big mistakes in their own life. However, their misguided attempts to protect and help their children avoid the same mistakes usually end up pushing them into rebellion.

Unexpected Generosity (8-23-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Many parents go overboard in their generosity, focusing their entire life and fortune on their children. But what’s wrong with that?

There’s nothing wrong with giving kids a lot of attention. But going overboard on gifts and putting all your focus on your child will tend to build feelings of entitlement. They’ll begin seeing your money and your time, not as an expression of your love, but as their birthright, and they’ll demand it even more.

There’s obviously a balance here, but overdoing generosity usually creates anxious, depressed, and defiant kids. So parents, keep it real. Even if you have all the money and time in the world, hold some back. Make the times you are generous, special, unexpected experiences.

WEEKEND: When Nothing Works (8-21-2010)

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

It’s not uncommon for parents of teens to have more questions than answers.  On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston answers tough questions from desperate parents.  He’ll help moms and dads evaluate their situation and uncover fresh ideas when nothing else works.

Right the Wrong (8-20-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

If you catch your teen lying or cheating, here’s how I recommend approaching it.

Attacking dishonesty head-on can cause your teenager to simply lie more to protect himself. I’ve found a better approach is to say you’ll talk to him about it tomorrow. That gives him time to think about his misdeed and an opportunity to come forward with the truth, without feeling attacked.

The next day, when you confront his dishonesty, tell him you love him and want to help him avoid bigger problems later in life. Tell him how dishonesty is counter to your values and destructive to his future. Then affirm his ability to rebuild your trust, after he rights the wrong and experiences the appropriate consequences.