WEEKEND: Fired By Your Teen (2-27-2010)

WEEKEND PROGRAM SUMMARY:

Have you ever been “fired” by your teen? They don’t want your help, guidance or involvement in their life… and it’s devastating for parents. Learn to see this as an opportunity for growth in your family on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens with Mark Gregston.

Brutal Self-Awareness (2-26-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

When a teenager’s behavior becomes agitated and upset without reason, it can be because they are thinking about themselves in a new way.

Younger children generally don’t care what others think; but all of that changes in adolescence. Carefree living can quickly turn into brutal self-awareness.

When a teenager appears agitated, it may be because they feel rejected or unaccepted by others, or don’t quite know how to fit in.

Parents can help by remembering their own feelings of insecurity in the teen years and offer loving words of encouragement, affirmation, and empathy to their teen. When appearing angry or down, keep in mind that teenager insecurity may be the cause, not rebellion, so a little grace may what’s needed to help them get through it.

Help From Heartlight (2-25-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

We talk a lot on this program about difficult teens, but what about the good kids?

Sometimes parents wonder why we don’t spend more time talking about good kids. Fact is, most teenagers get through adolescence without a scratch. They do well and go on to greater things as mature adults.

These kids and their parents are fortunate. But since they aren’t struggling, it doesn’t make a lot of sense talking about solutions. That would be like firemen pouring water on a house that’s not burning.

Parenting Today’s Teens and the Heartlight residential counseling program are here to help you if you are at a loss for what to do with your teenager’s behavior. Please see our Heartlight website or call us if you need help.

Fading Teen Fads (2-24-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

I often hear from concerned parents who are bothered by the way their teenager dresses.

When I was in high school my dad hated my bushy sideburns, my purple bell bottoms and boots that came up over my knees. And, I’ll bet there were times your parents didn’t like the way you dressed in your teen years.

But for the most part, the way kids dress is just a fad. It doesn’t mean much of anything. It’s just a way for them to fit in with the crowd and not be singled out.

I recommend drawing the line on modesty, but don’t go crazy micro-managing the way they dress. Fads will pass soon enough and even they will laugh at themselves later, just like you and I do.

Relationships Are Eternal (2-23-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

There are two things that last in this world: the Word of God and relationships – both are eternal.

Relationship means involvement. It’s all about spending quality time and quantity time with your teen. It’s about making it a priority.

Through relationships, we can communicate a better way of living, a different view of life, and share our personal faith. Relationships are a model to your teen for their own marriage and parenting.

Relationships are not short-term. In fact, relationships are forever. And your teen needs a relationship with you more than any thing you could ever offer.

You can’t touch or see a sense of significance, but that is what your teen longs for, and it’s through a loving relationship with you that they’ll find it.

Parents Aren’t Perfect (2-22-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Parents pretending to be perfect to their kids in the teen years are actually demonstrating their own imperfection.

When kids are little, mom and dad are like Superman and Wonder Woman, but teenagers can see the cracks in the armor. They know you aren’t perfect, so don’t be hypocritical in trying to be. 

Acknowledging that you aren’t perfect won’t destroy your teen’s high regard, nor damage your relationship. In fact, it can bring you two closer and it will affirm what they already know – that nobody’s perfect! 

Sharing your own imperfections and lifelong desire to grow into a better person will allow your teen to feel a more comfortable in their own skin, knowing they aren’t the only imperfect ones in the family.

WEEKEND: Building Responsibility in Tweens (2-20-2010)

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Moms and dads need to shift their parenting style with pre-teens in order to build responsibility before they become teenagers. Learn how on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens with Mark Gregston. Special guest: Dee Dee Mayer.

Success in Life (2-19-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Have you ever considered the “Train up a child” scriptural reference to have both spiritual and practical implications?

Spiritual training is important, but it’s also important for parents to teach their kids how to handle money, how to work, how to clean, how to plan for the future, and even how to cook and shop for their own needs.

Don’t expect institutions to teach these basics of life. With all your determination, focus on teaching the basics, one by one, until each lesson is learned.

The bottom line is this…it is up to you, and only you, to train your kids for success in life, spiritually and practically.

Mistakes Happen (2-18-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Mark Twain may well have been giving advice to the parents of teenagers when he quipped, “Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.”

When teens begin to experience life, they will make mistakes. Lots of them. That’s natural. It’s even a good sign when they struggle a bit. It means they are interacting with the world and learning through their experiences while they are still at home, when mom and dad can give them guidance and develop appropriate boundaries.

So, look at your teen’s mistakes as golden learning opportunities. Hold them accountable, but do so with an ever deepening relationship that says, “Yes, I know you will make mistakes, but I will continue to love you anyway, and I’ll help you make better choices next time.”

Next Steps Toward Maturity (2-17-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

So, what’s a parent to do when their child reaches the teen years and begins to show maturity?

Here’s what I recommend:

1) Loosen the reins, but remain watchful.

2) Continue to have a presence in their life; not one that dominates or hovers, but one that guides and limits when necessary, and sets them free to soar when appropriate.

3) Keep connected with the tools of their trade, like text messaging, cell phones, and social networking.

4) Invite their friends into your home, so you can get to know them.

5) Find some fun things you enjoy doing together.

6) And above all else, be sure to meet with them individually once a week, mostly just to listen to what’s on their heart.

New Levels of Teen Dishonesty (2-16-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

The latest “Report Card on the Ethics of American Youth” (by the Josephson Institute of Ethics) shows that teens are lying more often, and more easily, than ever.

Dishonesty may seem like a minor issue in comparison to other adolescent problems like drug abuse or sexual promiscuity, but it is a vice that parents should never ignore or allow to creep into the teen’s lifestyle.

Dishonesty is rooted in an attitude of disrespect; disrespect for others, for authority, and for your family’s values. It won’t go away with the mere passage of time. It will reappear at significant stress points in your child’s life, and that can land them in real trouble. So, deal immediately with every instance of dishonesty today, and you’ll be avoiding bigger problems tomorrow.

Listening Begets Listening (2-15-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

There is a vital link between the amount of time you spend listening to your teenager and their willingness to listen to you in return.

A friend told me this story. He said, “My son was upset about something and wanted to talk it about it at that very moment. But he caught me in the middle of something. So I only half listened, and made no eye contact. When I was finished, I went back to talk to him… but he only half listened, and wouldn’t make eye contact. I asked why and he said ‘Why should I do that for you, when you didn’t for me.’”

The dad apologized and learned to listen to be a better listener, thereby assuring that his teen would do the same.

WEEKEND: Building Responsibility in Tweens (2-13-2010)

WEEKLY PROGRAM SUMMARY:

Moms and dads need to shift their parenting style with pre-teens in order to build responsibility before they become teenagers. Learn how on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens with Mark Gregston.

Special Guest: DeeDee Mayer is a wife, mother of three and Bible teacher. She is a licensed therapist with over 12 years experience in private practice, including extensive work with adolescents.

Laughing Matters (2-12-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

To a frustrated parent, a teenager breaking the household rules is no laughing matter. But maybe it should be!

When disciplining a teenager, adding some levity to the discussion reduces the tension and focuses on the teen’s misbehavior without sounding angry or upset with them personally.

For instance, when I confront kids I usually do so with a big smile, saying, “wow! You really blew it! What happened?” It tends to make the teen respond, “Yeah, I guess I did,” and getting them to take ownership for their mistake is a healthy first step.

The point is this, let the consequences do the teaching, not your anger.

Managing Teen Confrontation (2-11-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

The way that you manage confrontation with your teen is more important than you think.

When confronting teen misbehavior, focus on their actions — something they can control — not their character or who they are as a person.

Do this by keeping the word “you” to a minimum. For instance, instead of saying, “You broke curfew,” say, “Curfew was broken.” It seems like a little thing, but as soon as you use the word “you,” the teen feels as though they are being attacked personally, not their behavior.

Parents can encourage their teenager by letting them know they have it within them to do better. Their character will be shaped over time, even as misbehavior is appropriately dealt with.

Still time to register for the Families in Crisis Retreat, Feb. 18-20.  Register here: http://www.familycrisisconference.com.

Continued Love (2-10-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

I haven’t met a teen yet who doesn’t want to know they will continue to be loved when they’ve made mistakes.

When teenagers break the rules, the best way to demonstrate your continued love for them is to take care in the way you confront their misbehavior. That is, by avoiding anger and toxic words of shame and disappointment.

Start your words of discipline with why you are confronting their misbehavior, which is because you love them and want to help them avoid bigger problems later in life. Then in a respectful and calm demeanor, hand out appropriate consequences, which will be what teach the lessons they need to learn. Focus on fixing the behavior, not the person, since behaviors can be changed, but people rarely do.

Teen Struggles (2-09-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

If you are having struggles with your teenager, don’t view it as parental failure, but as an opportunity to trust God and learn more.

Struggles create opportunities for families to strengthen and lean on God, not on their own understanding. The way in which you face the struggle is a far better measure of good parenting than whether you struggle or not.

As your teen gets older, shift your parenting role from navigator to trusted tour guide. And when they get off track or appear to be lost, don’t respond with anger, fear or anxiety. Instead, lovingly but firmly help them find their way back on the right path.

Hidden Causes of Teen Problems (02-08-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Mom and dad had no idea their young son was being sexually abused by a friend of the family. On the surface, their child had become angry, irritable, and depressed. They thought he was just being rebellious.

When a teen starts traveling down the wrong road, there may be shocking underlying causes, like abuse, drug use, hormonal imbalances or even bullying in school. So a parent too quick to label their misbehavior “rebellious” might miss the true heart of what’s going on and push the teen even further into despair.

If the behavior you see is unusual for your teenager, look for hidden causes. And spend more time connecting with your teen, seeking professional counsel if help is needed to reveal the problem’s source.

Reminder:  our next Families in Crisis workshop is Feb 18-20.  Learn more at http://www.familycrisisconference.com.

WEEKEND: FamilyLife Today II (2-06-2010)

WEEKLY HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

The second half of a rebroadcast of Mark Gregston’s interview on FamilyLife Today with Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine.  On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark brings a family to tell their story of teen heartache and healing.

God’s Exciting Plan For Me (2-5-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

When I look back at my own life, my work, and my daily fulfilling God’s purpose for my life . . . I get excited all over again.

I grew up believing that God has a plan for my life. So, I grasped that promise and listened to God’s call, finding my purpose in helping teenagers. I’m daily reassured of His presence, I love His involvement, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am living at the center of His will.

Do you have that same assurance? There’s no place more comforting and fulfilling than to be squarely in the center of God’s will, living a life of purpose. And for teens, there’s no better time to launch a purposeful direction in life, than right now.

Purposeful Tears And Goosebumps (2-4-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Helen Keller was blind, but she lived life with purpose. She said, “Many people have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.”

A good place for a teenager to begin the search for a worthy purpose is to understand that purpose has to do with serving God and others, not one’s self. It can be found in applying their talents to activities that give them goose bumps or a tear in their eye when they think about them.

I am convinced that if more kids knew their true purpose, they’d have fewer struggles in the teen years. They’d feel a sense of meaning. They’d know where they are headed and concentrate on getting there.

Important Question For Teens (2-3-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

“What’s my purpose?” may be the most important question your teenager will ever ask in this lifetime. So, what are you doing to help your teen find their purpose?

A parent’s goal should be to help their teen uncover their own talents, their strengths, their values, and their passion. How? By experiencing new things and developing a plan – any plan, even if it is just a first step. Doing so will help them live life with intent.

As for me, I stand on His promises, I’m assured of His presence, I love His involvement, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am living in the center of His purpose for my life. Is your teen living life with the same assurance?

Finding God’s Purpose (2-2-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Nothing matters more than your teen knowing God’s purpose for their life.

Knowing your purpose gives meaning to your life and each step along the way. It motivates you to prepare, to save yourself for that purpose, and to avoid anything that might get in the way. Knowing your purpose simplifies your life and removes confusion.

Sounds like the perfect remedy for aimless and confused teenagers, right?

It’s comforting for teens to know that God has a perfect game plan that will fit them like a glove if they will only seek it. So help them find God’s purpose in their life. It begins with understanding their God-given talents and matching them with a vocation that’s true to their heart.

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Learn about the Families in Crisis Conference (Feb 18-20): http://www.familycrisisconference.com

Teens Seeking Purpose (2-1-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

As kids mature in the teen years, they begin searching for meaning in life and purpose for living.

One of the most important life questions your teen will begin wrestling with is: “Why am I here?” Or “What’s my purpose on this earth?” Without a purpose, life becomes trivial and motion without meaning.

Parents can help their teens discover their gifts and find their purpose by giving them plenty of opportunities to participate in new experiences to stretch their wings.

Remember, God doesn’t give all the details at once, nor does He promise it will be a smooth ride. Instead, He often provides just enough information to help us move another mile down the road. So, teach your teen to watch for the road signs along the way.

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Join us for our next Families in Crisis retreat, coming up February 18-20.