Your Family Mission Statement (3-15-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Heartlight has a simple, four word mission statement: “Heartlight helps struggling teens.”

Do you have a personal mission statement? Does your family have a sense of direction that comes from understanding each member’s value and purpose? It doesn’t have to be a long, drawn out document. In fact, the more clear and concise, the more memorable.

Take time this week to talk with your teen about his own sense of purpose, and work on creating a mission statement for your family and each individual in your family. To get started, at the top of your list you may want to put, “We seek to honor God and one another in everything we do.”

A mission statement will build a firm foundation for your family’s future.

WEEKEND: It’s All in the Approach (3-13-2010)

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Learning how to approach your teen in situations of conflict or discipline can help to build your relationship with your child. On Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston talks about turning right intentions in to right execution.

True Nature of Rebellion (3-12-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Our generation of parents have been wonderfully involved in building values and character, and developing relationships with their kids.

Too much of a good thing has a way of turning good intentions into bad outcomes. Today’s parents become overly involved and over protective, and hold the reins too tightly in an effort to protect their teen. Many times I’ve met with a mother or father who is so dependent on their teen’s relationship and presence that makes it hard for a teen to move toward independence.

Remember, true rebellion is intentional and aimed at causing pain or hardship in one’s life. False rebellion is really more of an effort to push a dependent parent away, when a teen is unable to pull away on their own.

Underlying Needs (3-11-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

When you ask yourself, “Why is my child acting the way he does?” consider that an underlying need is probably driving their behavior.

A teen who wants to control everything may need to be given more personal responsibility. One who lacks confidence may need to have more opportunities to achieve and succeed. A teen may act up or make poor choices without knowing why. And that only adds to their frustration – especially if parents get agry with them as well.

If problems are becoming severe, find a good counselor that he can talk to. Through therapy he can learn what is causing his pain and find healthier ways of dealing with it.

The Turnaround (3-10-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Parents of a daughter involved in an inappropriate relationship asked me how long it would take for us to “turn her around.” They didn’t like my answer.

I have to honestly say there are no 12-step plans when it comes to fixing inappropriate behavior and correcting a teenager’s decision-making. It could take a day to see a teen turn around to healthier decisions, or it could take ten years, or it could take a lifetime. The key is to start early and deal with bad decisions at the beginning of adolescence, when they are 12 or 13.

Waiting until you think they have the ability to make their own decisins is too late, because the mistakes they can make then, can be much more severe and life-changing.

Teens Focused on Their Pain (3-9-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

For parents, understanding that people in pain will intensely focus on relieving that pain may help you understand why your teen is choosing to live a self-destructive lifestyle.

In an airport security line, a lady dropped her laptop computer squarely on my toe. The pain was instant. From the moment my toe was hit, my breathless focus was on my pain.

It reminded me of the teens I work with, who are in similar emotional pain. It is all they can think about. They resort to using drugs or alcohol and become angry as they seek ways to find some relief. I hope it offers you a different perspective on seemingly wayward teens. They are good kids just wanting to stop the pain in their lives.

Wrong Thinking in Teens (3-8-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Proverbs 12:15 says, “The way of the fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.”

The Bible says that wrong behavior is directly related to wrong thinking. Parents often say, “She does what she does, because she doesn’t care what anyone thinks of her.” Or, “My son always thinks his problem is someone else’s fault.”

Teens are generally foolish in their thinking. It goes with the territory! But by correcting wrong thinking through enforcing consequences, a parent gives a teenager time and opportunity to process some new thoughts about the way they are behaving, and ultimately correct their wrong thinking.

Eventually, as they wise up, they may even begin listening to your advice. (Imagine that!)

WEEKEND: Management of Medical Issues (3-6-2010)

WEEKEND PROGRAM SUMMARY:

On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston explores the world of medical and behavioral issues that affect our teens today, offering parents some perspective on common diagnoses.

Hard Questions (3-5-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Do you believe that God is just as concerned about your teen as you are?

Sometimes a parent’s protection over their teen is motivated by fear, not by faith. And here’s what happens when you overprotect your teen. You project that the world is more mysterious and powerful than it actually is. And that God is evidently not as powerful as the forces of evil.

No wonder so many kids today choose the dark side — to protect themselves! They want to be on the side of power, not weakness. So, begin today demonstrating that to your teen in what you say and do. And talk about God’s mighty power every chance you get. Doing so will help them pick the right side to be on when the going gets tough.

Complete Independence (3-4-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Discipline that worked when your teen was a child loses its effectiveness in the teen years.

When talking about discipline with teenagers, it is important to understand that it is for the purpose of helping the teen safely reach independence. As teens become young adults, they begin distinguishing right from wrong, so they need to understand the reasons behind your rules. That builds discipline in their minds and actions – especially as they experience the consequences.

So start discussing your rules and the appropriate consequences, as you’ve never had to before. You’ll be helping your teeanger understand the meaning behind the rules, not just how to avoid the consequences.

Junk Heap Parenting (3-3-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Do you ever say or do things you shouldn’t? Are there times when you share too much, or maybe not enough, when you know you should speak up?

We all have habits that belong in the junk heap. Bad behavior isn’t something just coming from your teen. Last time I checked, no one is perfect, and never will be, this side of Heaven.

It’s important for teens to hear a parent admit their flaws and failures and apologize for their own bad behavior. Doing so models exactly how the teen should behave when they do something wrong. Remember, only God is perfect. Sharing your own remorse with your teen will help them accept their faults, and let them know it is okay to be human, in need of a Savior.

Shared Custody – Two Sets of Standards (3-2-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

One reason our culture is so confusing for kids today is because many are being bounced back and forth between households under shared custody agreements.

Having two sets of parents and their different sets of rules and expectations is less than ideal, but thankfully, teens are capable of adapting to it. Both parents can help reduce the stress by being clear about the basic rules for either household. For the sake of their child they’ll guard themselves from being lax about the rules as a way of gaining the favor of the teen. And most of all, they will keep in mind that the purpose of custody – even split custody – is to be a parent to the teen, not act like a peer.

Eternal Investments (3-1-2010)

Podcast Script:

Have you faithfully taught your child God’s truths, but now fear those truths are being forsaken?

When an older child’s behavior resembles nothing of the values you’ve taught them, be assured that the influence of your example and teaching won’t fall on deaf ears – at least not for long. Scripture says, “When they are old they will not depart from it.”

In other words, everything parents teach their children will one day come around to impact their lives. But the timing is in God’s hands. All we can do in the meantime is to love and accept them unconditionally, even as God also loves us. And pray that God will use His truths to transform their hearts.

WEEKEND: Fired By Your Teen (2-27-2010)

WEEKEND PROGRAM SUMMARY:

Have you ever been “fired” by your teen? They don’t want your help, guidance or involvement in their life… and it’s devastating for parents. Learn to see this as an opportunity for growth in your family on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens with Mark Gregston.

Brutal Self-Awareness (2-26-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

When a teenager’s behavior becomes agitated and upset without reason, it can be because they are thinking about themselves in a new way.

Younger children generally don’t care what others think; but all of that changes in adolescence. Carefree living can quickly turn into brutal self-awareness.

When a teenager appears agitated, it may be because they feel rejected or unaccepted by others, or don’t quite know how to fit in.

Parents can help by remembering their own feelings of insecurity in the teen years and offer loving words of encouragement, affirmation, and empathy to their teen. When appearing angry or down, keep in mind that teenager insecurity may be the cause, not rebellion, so a little grace may what’s needed to help them get through it.

Help From Heartlight (2-25-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

We talk a lot on this program about difficult teens, but what about the good kids?

Sometimes parents wonder why we don’t spend more time talking about good kids. Fact is, most teenagers get through adolescence without a scratch. They do well and go on to greater things as mature adults.

These kids and their parents are fortunate. But since they aren’t struggling, it doesn’t make a lot of sense talking about solutions. That would be like firemen pouring water on a house that’s not burning.

Parenting Today’s Teens and the Heartlight residential counseling program are here to help you if you are at a loss for what to do with your teenager’s behavior. Please see our Heartlight website or call us if you need help.

Fading Teen Fads (2-24-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

I often hear from concerned parents who are bothered by the way their teenager dresses.

When I was in high school my dad hated my bushy sideburns, my purple bell bottoms and boots that came up over my knees. And, I’ll bet there were times your parents didn’t like the way you dressed in your teen years.

But for the most part, the way kids dress is just a fad. It doesn’t mean much of anything. It’s just a way for them to fit in with the crowd and not be singled out.

I recommend drawing the line on modesty, but don’t go crazy micro-managing the way they dress. Fads will pass soon enough and even they will laugh at themselves later, just like you and I do.

Relationships Are Eternal (2-23-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

There are two things that last in this world: the Word of God and relationships – both are eternal.

Relationship means involvement. It’s all about spending quality time and quantity time with your teen. It’s about making it a priority.

Through relationships, we can communicate a better way of living, a different view of life, and share our personal faith. Relationships are a model to your teen for their own marriage and parenting.

Relationships are not short-term. In fact, relationships are forever. And your teen needs a relationship with you more than any thing you could ever offer.

You can’t touch or see a sense of significance, but that is what your teen longs for, and it’s through a loving relationship with you that they’ll find it.

Parents Aren’t Perfect (2-22-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Parents pretending to be perfect to their kids in the teen years are actually demonstrating their own imperfection.

When kids are little, mom and dad are like Superman and Wonder Woman, but teenagers can see the cracks in the armor. They know you aren’t perfect, so don’t be hypocritical in trying to be. 

Acknowledging that you aren’t perfect won’t destroy your teen’s high regard, nor damage your relationship. In fact, it can bring you two closer and it will affirm what they already know – that nobody’s perfect! 

Sharing your own imperfections and lifelong desire to grow into a better person will allow your teen to feel a more comfortable in their own skin, knowing they aren’t the only imperfect ones in the family.

WEEKEND: Building Responsibility in Tweens (2-20-2010)

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Moms and dads need to shift their parenting style with pre-teens in order to build responsibility before they become teenagers. Learn how on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens with Mark Gregston. Special guest: Dee Dee Mayer.

Success in Life (2-19-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Have you ever considered the “Train up a child” scriptural reference to have both spiritual and practical implications?

Spiritual training is important, but it’s also important for parents to teach their kids how to handle money, how to work, how to clean, how to plan for the future, and even how to cook and shop for their own needs.

Don’t expect institutions to teach these basics of life. With all your determination, focus on teaching the basics, one by one, until each lesson is learned.

The bottom line is this…it is up to you, and only you, to train your kids for success in life, spiritually and practically.

Mistakes Happen (2-18-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Mark Twain may well have been giving advice to the parents of teenagers when he quipped, “Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.”

When teens begin to experience life, they will make mistakes. Lots of them. That’s natural. It’s even a good sign when they struggle a bit. It means they are interacting with the world and learning through their experiences while they are still at home, when mom and dad can give them guidance and develop appropriate boundaries.

So, look at your teen’s mistakes as golden learning opportunities. Hold them accountable, but do so with an ever deepening relationship that says, “Yes, I know you will make mistakes, but I will continue to love you anyway, and I’ll help you make better choices next time.”

Next Steps Toward Maturity (2-17-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

So, what’s a parent to do when their child reaches the teen years and begins to show maturity?

Here’s what I recommend:

1) Loosen the reins, but remain watchful.

2) Continue to have a presence in their life; not one that dominates or hovers, but one that guides and limits when necessary, and sets them free to soar when appropriate.

3) Keep connected with the tools of their trade, like text messaging, cell phones, and social networking.

4) Invite their friends into your home, so you can get to know them.

5) Find some fun things you enjoy doing together.

6) And above all else, be sure to meet with them individually once a week, mostly just to listen to what’s on their heart.

New Levels of Teen Dishonesty (2-16-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

The latest “Report Card on the Ethics of American Youth” (by the Josephson Institute of Ethics) shows that teens are lying more often, and more easily, than ever.

Dishonesty may seem like a minor issue in comparison to other adolescent problems like drug abuse or sexual promiscuity, but it is a vice that parents should never ignore or allow to creep into the teen’s lifestyle.

Dishonesty is rooted in an attitude of disrespect; disrespect for others, for authority, and for your family’s values. It won’t go away with the mere passage of time. It will reappear at significant stress points in your child’s life, and that can land them in real trouble. So, deal immediately with every instance of dishonesty today, and you’ll be avoiding bigger problems tomorrow.

Listening Begets Listening (2-15-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

There is a vital link between the amount of time you spend listening to your teenager and their willingness to listen to you in return.

A friend told me this story. He said, “My son was upset about something and wanted to talk it about it at that very moment. But he caught me in the middle of something. So I only half listened, and made no eye contact. When I was finished, I went back to talk to him… but he only half listened, and wouldn’t make eye contact. I asked why and he said ‘Why should I do that for you, when you didn’t for me.’”

The dad apologized and learned to listen to be a better listener, thereby assuring that his teen would do the same.