WEEKLY: When Teens Will Not Go to Church (10-31-2009)

WEEKLY PROGRAM SUMMARY:

“I don’t want to go to church anymore, mom.” Have you heard that from your teen? Mark Gregston, along with special guest, Chap Clark, works through this kind of family conflict to help parents know how to respond. Discover the opportunities for conversation, growth and faith… on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens.

Stops and Starts in Parenting Teens (10-30-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Parents dealing with an out of control teenager tell me that they’ve tried everything they can think of, but I tell them it may be time for them to stop everything.

Here’s what I tell them:

Stop lecturing… And start listening

Stop worrying… And start praying

Stop frowning… And start laughing

Stop reacting… And start responding

Stop punishing… And start disciplining

Stop ruling… And start enforcing

Stop teaching… And start trusting

Stop talking… And start hearing

If you are at a crossroads, be sure you come to a complete stop, before you start a new and better direction.

Judging the Adult Child (10-29-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

God tells us to love the sinner but hate the sin. But are there times when parents should walk away from their adult children?

To embrace an adult child living an alternative lifestyle is difficult. Yet to write them off and disown them is, I believe, a violation of what God desires from us.  I’m talking about continuing to love them when they’ve had an affair, committed a crime, or are battling a drug addiction.

It’s God’s role to judge them, not ours. Stick to what you believe, but don’t reject the one whom God has placed in your life for a reason. After all, we are all sinners, and every sinner is someone’s child…maybe even yours.

Supporting the Step-Parent (10-28-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Teens often struggle with having two sets of parents. And one of the most difficult choices a parent can make following a divorce is to show support for the step-parent.

Supporting a step-parent can be tough. But presenting a united front and keeping things as positive as possible will be helpful to your teen.

So, in those moments when you are tempted to say hurtful comments in front of your teen about his other set of parents, bite your tongue. Pray for patience. Put on a smile, and ask God for strength.

The only one hurt by such negative comments is your teenager. So give your son or daughter what she needs to hear from you, not what you think your ex deserves to be told.

Parenting Mistakes in Divorce (10-27-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Teens are good at deciphering who is responsible for what went wrong in a family going through a divorce.

Parents unwilling to admit the mistakes that led to their divorce may see their teen working extra hard to make them pay for it, through rebellion and bad behavior.

That’s why it helps when parents are honest about their own part in the divorce – and apologize to their teen for how it has caused pain in their life.

A parent willing to admit their own mistakes may see their teen being more honest and taking responsibility for their own mistakes. And it can open a dialogue for you both to work through the hurts and feelings of isolation together.

The Impact of Divorce on Teenagers (10-26-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

I encourage anyone with a teenager who is considering divorce to think long and hard about the long-term impact on their child.

Divorce can be devastating for a teenager, causing feelings of abandonment, isolation and loss of identity at a critical time in the child’s life.

Even so, there are ways to lessen the impact of divorce on your teen. 

Here are three:

1) Acknowledge their sense of loss.

2) Be honest about your part in the divorce. And finally, make a real effort to include your teen in decisions whenever possible.

3) Be sure to double the number of times that you tell your teen you love them. Let them know that they are still part of your family and nothing can change that — nothing.

WEEKLY: Giving Your Teen Proper Freedoms (10-24-2009)

WEEKLY PROGRAM SUMMARY:

As children grow, we need to give them increased freedom. But in today’s world, many parents want to shelter their teen from negative cultural influences. So how can parents keep their high standards…and still allow the freedom that their teen needs? Mark Gregston helps moms and dads have discernment in this issue. Special guest, Deedee Mayer, on this Parenting Today’s Teens.

More Time with Parents (10-23-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Parents of teenagers in families split by divorce would be wise to double their efforts to be there for their teen.

The amount of time spent with children by both parents transfers a sense of value and validity that no one else can — and it is especially important in the teen years.

So seek as much time as possible. Take them to lunch—grab a snack after school, attend all games or school events, and communicate online. Send text messages to say, “Hi,” or to say, “I love you.”

Make sure your teen knows that you desire to continue be involved in their life even if you are the noncustodial parent and can’t be there every day. Be there for their teen, as often as possible.

Damage Control for Teens and Divorce (10-22-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Teens who have experienced divorce in their family often feel isolated and left behind.

A split in the family can even make a teen feel as if he is no longer a whole person. And, when their parents remarry, teens respond to the change as a signal that they really are now all on their own.

From a teen’s point of view, the parents who came together to create him have each gone a different way, and may have already connected with someone new. The older your teen at the time of your divorce, the more disconnected they will feel when separation becomes reality.

While younger kids are more resilient, parents thinking about divorce would do well to consider the strong affect that divorce can have on teenagers.

Updating the Parenting Style (10-21-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

I recently looked at some 20-year-old photos of myself and was shocked to realize that I had on the same shirt as in the photo, thinking it still worked for me now!

I was so used to wearing my favorite shirts that I never took time to notice the nicer, newer shirts left for me in my closet as a gracious hint from my wife.

Many parents have the same problem with not updating their parenting style. There is nothing wrong with their tactics, they are just a little outdated.

So look at your parenting style periodically and determine what you may need to adjust to fit with the age and maturity of your children. The shoe may still fit, but make sure it is a style that’s working for you.

Don’t Quit Parenting Your Teenager (10-20-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

I have seen many parents wonder what in the world happened when they seemingly woke up one morning to a teen who had completely changed. Their loving, kind, and thoughtful kid became someone they no longer recognize.

It is easy to buy into fear for your child’s future when they turn their back on you. And the temptation is to throw your hands in the air and give up.

If you are struggling with a difficult teenager, remember that God isn’t finished with your teen, or you, so don’t quit…

…don’t quit, even if your teen says he hates you.

…and don’t quit, even if others don’t support you.

It’s up to you to be your child’s parent, and that’s a role from which you can never resign.

Constructive Feedback for Teens (10-19-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Constructive feedback can light the way for the most positive and rewarding moments in parenting teens.

Well-timed, well-focused feedback is a powerful tool that can encourage good decisions and shore up wobbly relationships.

The key to helping your teen benefit from positive feedback is to deliver it at the right moment, in the right way, and with the right motives.

Simply name something positive, tell them why it was good, and encourage them to look for more ways to do the same. Then….give them a hug, offer them more freedom as a reward for their good judgment. It will go a long way toward encouraging good judgment in the future.

WEEKLY: When Divorce Affects Your Teen (10-17-2009)

WEEKLY PROGRAM SUMMARY:

Counting the cost of divorce on teens.  How does a family split affect your child, and how can you continue to guide, discipline and invest in your teen?  Mark Gregston gives principles to help any family who has been directly or indirectly affected by divorce.

Pain Can Be a Good Thing (10-16-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

No one likes to experience temporary pain, but God created pain to keep us from bringing even more pain into our lives.

In the Bible, leprosy was a horrific disease that brought about terrible disfiguration. But what most people don’t know is that leprosy destroyed nerve endings and therefore the real damage was caused to skin and limbs by the lack of pain, not the presence of pain. 

Likewise, when parents eliminate or lessen the pain of consequences for their teenager’s bad behavior – consequences like the loss of some privileges for a time — they short circuit the purpose of pain, which is to improve future decisions.  And that’s just asking for more pain and immaturity in the life of the teen.

Wisdom From Consequences (10-15-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Proverbs 12:15 says, “The way of the fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.”

In parenting, God often uses pain as the instrument to move a child from foolish or dangerous thinking into wisdom.  Pain in the life of a child happens when he experiences the consequences of his behavior. 

But it’s hard for some parents to tolerate their child feeling any form of pain, so they rescue their child from experiencing the consequences.

For teenagers, inappropriate behavior changes only when the pleasure received from wrong choices is overridden by the pain of the consequences.  So parents need to learn to let consequences happen, or they’ll be rescuing their teen again and again, for their entire life.

Perfect Kids and Imperfect Choices (10-14-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

A wise parent once said, “It’s good that people know that Christian families have kids that aren’t perfect.”

How many times have you heard the story of the preacher’s kid gone bad? The fact is, teens in Christian families are just as likely to have problems living in this world as those from non-Christian homes.  In some cases, they are even more tempted after being sheltered their entire life. 

Christian teens face enticing choices. But when they make mistakes, a wise parent will take Christ’s life on earth as an example and move toward them in a way that says they are accepted and loved, for all their faults. Make sure they know you will get through it, together, with God’s grace and help.

Going Through Stages (10-13-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

It’s easy for parents to become impatient with an immature teenager. But this stage of life cannot be rushed.

Parenting teens can be both wonderful, and a thankless and emotionally taxing job.  It’s definitely a change from the good old days when your grade school children dutifully followed directions.  This awkward stage between childhood and adulthood offers up the beginnings of a new person that is alternating from being childish, and sometimes mature, and most of the time emotional about everything. 

Just remember…it’s only a stage.  They will get through it, and so will you.  God chose you to be in this place, at this time, with this teen, and He’ll give you the grace and patience to get through it, if you ask Him.

Not Alone (10-12-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Parents need not be alone in their fight to save their teenager from today’s culture.

When a teen gets off track, nothing is more important to the parents than to find a solution. All else in life pales in comparison to the concern they have for their teenager.

Such parents need encouragement and help from those around them, and especially their church family.  I know as a former youth minister that I could have taken more of an interest in the needs of the parents of the teenagers in my congregation when I saw there was a problem.

Christian teenagers today are being assaulted by their culture as never before.  So reach out to their parents and give them the help and encouragement they need.

WEEKLY: Encouragement for Weary Parents (10-10-2009)

WEEKLY PROGRAM SUMMARY:

When it seems like your teen is spinning out of control, when everything you’ve tried doesn’t work, and when you’re ready to give up… DON’T! There are helpful keys to endurance and patience as you deal with a struggling teen. Mark Gregston is joined by special guest, Chap Clark, on this refreshing edition of Parenting Today’s Teens.

Correcting or Connecting (10-09-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

When it comes to teenagers, correcting without connecting, can lead to contempt.

It is easy to correct your teenager, thinking they will learn from that correction and move on.

But if you fail to connect with them at the same time – the correction can seem arbitrary and mean, leading to feelings of contempt.

So don’t just correct your teen, learn to also calm down and use those moments to connect in a deeply personal way. Discuss the reasons behind the rules and how you are disappointed in having to have to correct them, not disappointed in them personally.

When correcting your teenager, find the balance between truth and grace, and relate to your child as a person — not just a child who needs correction.

Defining Moments in Parenting (10-08-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Parenting teens offers many moments of discovery, but those moments are not always warm and fuzzy. They can be downright terrifying.

When a parent discovers that their teen is secretly spinning out of control, it may be a defining moment in their life to realize that they are clueless and totally unprepared to help.

They’ll need to acquire a new set of skills and the help of others to break their teen away from being consumed by anger, promiscuity, alcoholism, drugs, or acts of self-harm.

If your teen is struggling, my advice is to not wait. Work quickly to get the help you and your teen need. Remember, you can never solve it too early, but if you wait, you may be trying to solve it too late.

What Is Underneath Is What Counts (10-7-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Some parents think that teenage misbehavior can be fixed by simply addressing the behavior, not the underlying causes.

In my years of working with struggling teenagers, I’ve learned that those who get off track in life are influenced by some deep feeling or event that has triggered their change in behavior. In other words, while we all struggle against sin in our lives, and teens especially, it isn’t natural for them to quickly turn into someone their parents don’t even know. Something else is going on in their life.

In such cases, fixing bad behavior may require more than just discipline. It means testing them for drug or alcohol use and seeking counseling to the uncover underlying issues — even possible emotional or physical abuse by others.

The Family Resort (10-06-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Teenagers can treat their home as if it is a vacation resort and their parents as if they are their personal maids. And some parents wrongly think it is showing love for their teen to allow it.

When a child reaches the early teen years, parents should retire their maid uniforms and put on supervisor hats.

Teenagers need to be given responsibility for their own environment. So instead of doing everything for them, supervise them doing their own laundry, washing the dishes, vacuuming and cleaning up their own bathroom. They may not do it perfectly, but practice makes perfect.

After all, teaching teens to do simple chores will help them become self-disciplined and capable of fending for themselves in the real world once they leave home.

Puzzling Teens (10-5-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Parenting teens today is like putting together a difficult jigsaw puzzle. Sometimes it’s tempting to get out the scissors and force the pieces into place, but the end result won’t be the beautiful picture you expected.

For parents, the completed puzzle offers a picture of a mature, responsible adult. The pieces of that puzzle are the love, relationships, boundaries, rules, and consequences that you patiently apply in the life of your teen.

Understanding that there is a time and place for everything, a skilled parent will fit each piece into the puzzle of their child’s life, without cutting or hammering them into place. Over time, and a lot of patience, the pieces will come together to form the beautiful picture you are looking for.

WEEKLY: Counter-Productive Teen Discipline (10-3-2009)

WEEKLY PROGRAM SUMMARY:

Parents can discipline their children, enforce consequences and see very productive results. But parents can also discipline in counter-productive ways, leading to guilt and shame in their children. Mark Gregston discusses the differences with special guest, Deedee Mayer, on Parenting Today’s Teens.