Far and Away (9-30-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Far and away, most kids get through adolescence without serious issues. It’s usually something out of the past that causes some kids to rebel.

Like a ship without a rudder, kids with emotional hurts and losses in their life are more likely to get blown off course in the introspective teen years. Losses can include the split-up of the family, feeling rejected by their birth mother, a death of someone close, or childhood abuse.

Since of the underlying causes of rebellion are usually hidden, it’s best to enlist a trained counselor to uncover and work through them with your teen.

A counselor can decipher the mystery behind changes in behavior and help your teen find a more appropriate way to deal with the past.

Boundaries for Your Teen (9-29-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Teenagers are stepping over the line when they speak disrespectfully or take your stuff without asking.

Another word for the proverbial “line” not to cross is “boundaries.” Defining your boundaries will help an immature child learn how to respond and relate to others. For instance, “We will talk with respect to one another,” or, “We will respect each other’s property.”

But does your teenager know what your boundaries are? I advocate writing down your boundaries and posting them front and center so they are clear, including the associated consequences for stepping over the line, so he also knows the penalty for immature behavior.

Doing so will bring peace to your home and help your teen learn the right way to behave in every relationship.

The Overindulged Teen (9-28-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

I find that most parents’ expectations are set too low for their teenager.

Lacking patience or not wanting their child to make a mistake, parents can resort to lowering their expectations for their teenager. They assume their teen isn’t capable of handling responsibility, so they fail to release control over important areas of the teen’s life. They overindulge the teen by doing and deciding everything for them.

Lowered expectations by parents will lead a teen to sustained immaturity and an attitude of entitlement. So, raise your expectations. Stop babying your teenager. Express confidence in their ability to make decisions, and force them to become responsible in all areas of their life … until they finally are.

WEEKLY: Types of Parents that Kids Hate (9-26-2009)

SUMMARY OF THIS WEEK’S HALF-HOUR PROGRAM:

From the mom that’s too protective, to the dad who’s expectations are out of reach… there are certain types of parents that kids can’t stand. Are you treating your child in a way that only turns them against you? Mark Gregston hears from a student and a parent today… to describe repulsive parenting styles on Parenting Today’s Teens.

Performance-Based Parents (9-25-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

I never put much focus on report cards. Instead, i encouraged my kids to do their best and I praised them for their success.

Kids need to learn in life that doing well is their own responsibility, not just to make their parents happy. But parents can have a vital cheerleader role, encouraging their kids to excel.

A child’s grades usually remain pretty consistent throughout their school years. So, if your child’s grades are slipping,  have a conversation about what needs to change and then move on. Don’t dwell on it. But begin searching for other factors that may be affecting them, which is often the case. Falling grades are most often a red flag of emotional or physical issues, not laziness.

Parents Who Nag (9-24-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Do you give your teenager room to talk and come to his own conclusions?

Most of the time, a teen talks through his thoughts, sorting out what’s happening in his world. He may even say something totally off the wall or shocking, not really meaning anything by it.

It’s important for teens to feel comfortable discussing things with their parents – anything — and feeling free to say whatever they need to say without you coming unglued. It doesn’t require any great talent, it is simple — just keep quiet.

Instead of a maneuvering a discussion with your teen to where you want it to go, don’t give your opinion unless it is asked for. You might then be invited to the best two-way discussion you’ve ever had.

Never Enough for Parents (9-23-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

A boy named Sam told me, “No matter how well or how much I did, my parents always added something to it, as if it was never good enough, so I quit trying.”

Sam always fell short of accomplishing what his parent’s wanted. He would do his assigned chores, but instead of praising him for a job well done, they would scold him for not taking the initiative to also wash the car. Whatever he did, it was never good enough.

Sometimes, a parent’s expectations can be too high, leading their teen to frustration. Or, too low, leading their teen to irresponsibility. It’s important, therefore, to know just how much to expect, but also to offer praise, no matter what they do.

The Disengaged Parent (9-22-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

In the teen years, the family can all too easily drift apart.

It’s a tempting time of life for parents to unintentionally disengage from their teenager. Parents are at the peak of their careers. The teen has friends and activities to keep them busy, so everyone tends to go their own ways.

But this may be the most important time for parents to stay engaged! Teens need to feel a connection with you, even if they don’t express that need, and even if they act like they can’t stand being around you!

So, make an extra effort to reconnect with your teenager, one-on-one every week for an hour or two away from home. It will be the one thing they remember most fondly about you, their entire life.

Failing Well (9-21-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Concerning failure, I like the way Chuck Swindoll put it. He said, “Failure is the back door to success.” So, do you allow your child to fail well?

Parents who are quick to correct with harsh words, versus allowing consequences to do the correcting, can damage a teenager’s self-esteem.

Verbal attacks on the child’s character are usually a discouraging force in their life, not a positive force for change. Rather, a wise parent will offer encouragement to try again, realizing that the consequences applied to their failure will do the teaching, so there’s no need to rub it in.

Belittling failed efforts serves only to build resentment. So help your teenager “fail well,” by encouraging them to make better decisions the next time.

WEEKLY: When Parents Feel Isolated (9-19-2009)

WEEKLY PROGRAM SUMMARY:

When your teen is spinning out of control, there are a lot of emotions for you as a parent.  One common reaction is the feeling of isolation.  If you’re all alone, wondering where to turn, there’s help!  Mark Gregston takes a call from a struggling parent on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens.

Focused on God (9-18-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

If you are dealing with a struggling teen, it helps to remember that God may have a higher purpose in your pain.

At Heartlight, the common feedback by parents of former residents is that they needed to learn and change as much as their teen did.  It drew them closer together, made them more relational, and developed a stronger dependence on God.  So, could there be a higher purpose in your teen struggles?

I wouldn’t say that God is causing your teenager to rebel, but He can use everything for His own good.  So, look for the silver lining and keep your eyes focused on Him.  He promises to fill the voids and heal the losses and He will never leave or forsake you.

Families in Crisis Face Isolation (9-17-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

When a teen’s behavior is out of control, or if drugs are involved, everyone in the family can get worn down and beat up by all the turmoil.  Nothing, other than a death in a family, can cause more turmoil for parents than a wayward teenager.

You can do a lot of good by inviting them over for dinner, or out to a fun event. Offering a listening ear and a few minutes break away from the stress of a prodigal child can help them tremendously.

If you know a family struggling with a teen, make it a point to find ways to spend some time with them. In this simple way, you can help break the tension in their family and give them the refreshment they desperately need.

Churches Can Do More (9-16-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

I’m convinced that churches can do more to prepare parents for the often turbulent teen years.

On our recent speaking tour with Focus on the Family Canada, I met with thousands of parents who were hungry to find solutions for their teen problems. But more parents need to learn these principles.

 That’s why I developed a video seminar for small groups and churches called Dealing with Today’s Teens. It’s designed to help parents make ready for the teen years, and it offers my advice and steps to take when things are already spinning out of control.

It’s a turnkey way to start a small group in your church to help parents of teens. To learn more, visit our website at http://www.dealingwithtodaysteens.org.

Bridges in Parenting (9-15-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

God doesn’t disappear when the road in life gets dark. Instead, He moves toward us in hopes of restoring, forgiving, and reconciling with us.

I encourage any parent faced with a rebellious or sinful teen to do exactly the same. You can hate the sin while loving the sinner. Enforce consequences, for sure, but avoid bible-beating, berating, and demeaning your child. It only builds walls of resentment that may never come down.

Don’t burn bridges. Instead, build them to your teen in the midst of his rebellion, fashioned after the example of God’s love and grace.

Teens Never Ask for Help (9-14-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

You are more likely to see a pig fly than to hear a teen ask their parent for their opinion.

A normal part of adolescence is the quest for independence, which prevents teens from asking for help, even when it’s plain to everyone around them that they need it.

Even so, it’s best for a parent to wait to be invited to help. It can be difficult, but bite your lip and keep quiet while your teen tries to figure things out for himself. He’ll never listen to your advice anyway, until he asks for it!

You’ll know your teen is maturing when he again sees the value in seeking your advice. Until then, learning the hard way may be his best teacher.

WEEKLY: Teen Trauma from 9-11 Disaster (9-12-2009)

WEEKLY PROGRAM SUMMARY:

September 11, 2001. That day marked us forever. And now, several years later, our student guest, Brenden McCabe, describes his grieving process after losing his father on 9/11. It’s a lesson in healthy processing for any child who’s lost a parent… with Mark Gregston and Parenting Today’s Teens.

Rejection Fallout From Troubled Teens (9-11-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Sadly, too many Christian parents experience rejection from other believers when they face a struggle with their teenager.

A Christian teen dealing with an arrest, a pregnancy out of wedlock, drugs or alcohol abuse is one we should all reach out to, but we reason that such a teen will influence our own kids, or that the parent’s did something to bring this on, so we tend to keep our distance.

Doing so, we fail to realize that prodigals can inhabit any Christian home, even our own.

So let’s put ourselves in those parents shoes, and reach out to them. They are going though a living hell with their teenager and they need the support of friends now more than ever.

Prodigal Pirates (9-10-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

I love the “Veggie Tales” song about the pirates who don’t do anything. Some 18-year olds are like that…they’d rather just stay at home and do nothing.

Many older teens today are happy to stay in a junior high state of mind. They hang out with friends playing video games, watching movies, and doing much of nothing after graduation, all at mom and dad’s expense.

An 18-year-old who wants a little vacation after high school is quite normal. But an 18-year-old who wants to retire after high school is not normal.

So come up with a plan for your “pirate” by setting limits on his free time, decreasing his support, and providing a plan for college or work that will help him grow up.

Keep Hope Alive (9-09-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

When you’re struggling with a troubled teenager, it often seems as though your world is being turned upside down, with all your best hopes and plans for your child fading away.

It is common for parents of struggling teens to have sleepless nights…finger-pointing arguments…oceans of tears…and stress–levels far beyond what they’ve ever experienced before.

But don’t lose hope. Instead, find hope in the love of other caring believers. After all, there is nothing like being in a boat where everyone knows a ship is sinking and working hard to bail out the water.

Find hope in the hearts of others willing to support you and pray for you and your family, and lean on the wisdom and comfort of God’s precious people.

Don’t Ever Quit Being a Parent (9-08-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Struggling with a difficult teen can bring a parent a lot of grief.

Sometimes it is easier to give in to a teen’s demands, letting them do whatever they want to do. But let me encourage you…don’t quit!

* Don’t quit — when your teen is angry and says he hates you.

* Don’t quit — when the stress at home seems more than you can bear.

* Don’t quit — when your teen breaks the rules and it’s your duty to enforce consequences.

What I mean is this, don’t give up your parental responsibilities, even when it gets tough. Most teen struggles are for a short time. So hang in there, no matter how difficult. For the rest of your life, you’ll be glad you did.

No Immunity for Christian Parents (9-07-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Should you ever wonder if your teen’s troubles have something to do with what you did or didn’t do as a parent, remember this: even the best Christian homes can have prodigals.

Most of the kids who have lived with us at Heartlight were from great homes, with loving and caring christian parents, who were shocked when their child took a turn away from them, from God, and from everything they hold dear.

It’s a mistake for Christian parents to believe they are immune to such struggles. They aren’t. But there’s reason for hope, because God promises to stand by them through it all. The hardest part can be to step back and leave the prodigal teenager in His caring hands.

WEEKLY: Teens Who Demand (9-05-2009)

WEEKLY HALF-HOUR PROGRAM SUMMARY:

The times are changing.  Teens today seem to be more demanding and less mature… and when you add those two ingredients together, you get kids who expect their parents to be walking ATMs.  Mark Gregston coaches parents to teach their kids independence and discipline on this Parenting Today’s Teens, with special guest, Bill Ziegler.

Wall of Words (9-04-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

One sure way to build a wall between you and your teen is to send the message that some subjects are off limits with you.

Some parents can be so protective that they send the wrong message to their teenager –- one that says, “I won’t talk about that subject, and neither should you.”

Maybe the topic makes the parent feel uncomfortable or they don’t want to appear to condone it by talking about it. But nothing should be off limits with teenagers, who are questioning everything at this age.

The best way to prevent walls from building up is to let your teen know that you are there to discuss any subject with them, no matter what it is.

Parents Who Encourage Teen Immaturity (9-03-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

All too often, parents fail to encourage teens to do things for themselves, and in doing so, they encourage immaturity.

Parents need to back off in regard to what they’ll continue doing for their teenager. Back off on doing their laundry, getting them out of bed in the morning, and paying for things they don’t earn. I know it’s hard not to share your time and money, but it’s for their own good.

If they ask you “What’s up with that, mom?” Don’t have a deep philosophical discussion about it. Simply say, “You’re old enough to begin doing it, or paying for it, yourself, and I simply don’t want to do it anymore!” 

Then, stick to it! It’s for their own good.

Teens Who Demand Too Much (9-02-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Does your teenager demand too much of you?

A teen who constantly demands money and material things needs to hear a different response from a parent. Something like this: “Son, thanks for telling me what you want, but this appears to be more of a demand of me, than a request for my help. I want you to have everything in life, but at this stage, my greatest gift to you would be to encourage you to make and manage your own money, instead of handing it to you.”

Hearing this, the demanding teenager will quickly learn that they better begin earning their own way in life, and stop leaning on mom and dad for their every want.