Managing Conflict Together (8-20-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Having disagreement and difficulty with a teen is like throwing wheat on a threshing floor –- you toss it up into the air;  the healthy seeds land, and the chaff gets blown away by the wind.

Parents can make a common mistake when conflict shows itself; they can over-focus and micro-manage every difference of opinion as if it were a mountain, instead of a mole-hill. And they can take the disagreement personally, when it really isn’t.

There are times in raising teens when you just have to decide to let go of the smaller issues in order to focus on other more important ones. A wise parent will hold the reins on what really matters, but give a teen some slack about things not quite so important.

Hero to Zero (8-19-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

In our counseling here at Heartlight, the most often wished-for thing by teenage girls is this, “I want more time with my dad.”

Dads are heroes when their girls are little.  But during the teen years, dad’s can move from hero status to feeling more like a big zero.

Dad, remember this, you can never spend enough time with your teen.  They want time together, even when they act like they don’t.  Make the effort to demand a weekly outing, so they know that they are worth spending time with.

They may not say it right now, but they will always remember you as the their unsung hero, the one who was there for them –- even when they were at their worst.

Never Quit (8-18-2009)

SCRIPT:

The teens that I’m closest to are the ones that I have fought with the most, and I mean that sincerely.  Conflict, when handled properly, does that.

Teens need to know they have a relationship with their parents that loves them through the conflicts, while at the same time showing them the true character of God.

I believe that relationships that stick together through conflict become closer. In fact, the teens I remember the most fondly are the ones that made me to want to pull my hair out.

When a family goes through conflict, it’s easy to feel as if everything is about to fall apart.  But perhaps a better way to view conflict is this… it’s an opportunity to pull your family together, like never before.

Pick Your Battles Wisely (8-17-2009)

SCRIPT:

As you enter conflicts with your teenager, be clear about what you will or won’t support and ask them what they will or won’t support themselves.

Conflict with your teen can be used in a healthy way to discuss their own limits.  This may be the only time they think about their limits, before they are caught off guard with such situations away from you.  If they know or have thought through their answers in advance, they will more likely make better choices.

So, be clear on your limits, and make a habit of helping your teen clarify their own limits.  If you’ve taught them right from wrong when they were young, they’ll base their own limits on your teaching, not on what their culture tells them.

WEEKEND: Understanding Teenage Selfishness (8-15-2009)

WEEKLY HALF-HOUR PROGRAM SUMMARY:

Are you helping your teen mature?  Or feeding his selfishness?  Discover the practical steps to fostering selflessness in your teen… on Parenting Today’s Teens.

Not Allowing Disrespect (8-14-2009)

SCRIPT:

When disrespectful conflict emerges in your relationship with your teen, it’s time to make sure everyone understands the rules for fighting fairly.

An important message for a teen who made a habit of disrespectful arguing is this: ‘Honey, we love you, and that will never change, but we’re not going to allow you to talk that way to us anymore. We understand your need to argue your point, but there is a better way to argue. So from now on, disrespectful words or actions will only serve to get you the opposite of what you wanted, and consequences to boot.”

Respect is extremely important to your ability to communicate and maintain a relationship with your teen, so make the consequences for disrespect cause them to think twice before they speak.

Out of Control Teen Behavior (8-13-2009)

SCRIPT:

Has your once well-adjusted child suddenly become an out of control teenager?

A drastic shift in your teen’s attitude is often a sign of substance or alcohol abuse, and that may be triggered by the teen’s attempts to cover up deeper personal issues.  Unexplained, sustained aggression, angry defiance, declining grades, and an uncaring attitude are all red flags that something has changed in your teen’s life.

So when your teen’s attitude takes a nose dive, it’s important to unravel the mystery surrounding this behavior.  Substance abuse can be a symptom and even a cause of poor behavior, but it’s usually not the root cause.  A good counselor can help unravel the deeper issues and set your teen on a better path.

Hard Lessons for Teens (8-12-2009)

SCRIPT:

When a parent called to say his son had been arrested, I encouraged him not to cancel his week-long business trip to bail out his teen.

If your teenager has been openly dabbling with illegal activity, and gets arrested, you may not want to run to bail them out.

A guilty teen learns invaluable lessons from spending time in a jail cell when he’s done something he knows is wrong. On the other hand, if he knows the parent will fix it every time, he’ll never learn, and end up in jail again and again.

A few days in a lock-up is usually very safe for a teenager, and it can be the catalyst for a change of heart, giving them time to process their unwise choices and see firsthand the consequences that society exacts to wrong-doing.

What Is Happening To My Teen? (8-11-2009)

SCRIPT:

“What’s happening to my teen?” is a question I’ve been asked by parents so often — I decided to name one of my books by it!

Many parents rightly fear that no matter how well they do their job in parenting, their child might still struggle during their teen years. It’s true! There are no guarantees in parenting, and contrary to what each of us would hope — there are no special methods or equations that will guarantee a child’s successful transition to adulthood.

A  far better measure of good parenting is the way in which a parent responds to the struggle -– with sustaining faith, grace and perseverance.  So instead of seeking quick fixes, a wise parent will view the teenage years as a God-sent moment of opportunity to consult Him and trust Him more.

Years to Teen Maturity (8-10-2009)

SCRIPT:

There’s usually nothing wrong with the childish and selfish thinking of teenagers that a few years won’t help cure.

I tell parents all the time that the immaturity their teen is experiencing is just a blip in the radar of life.  They’ll get through it, eventually.  In the meantime, setting up a system for discipline in your home and sticking by it will offer the kind of structure needed to deal with discipline issues.

Set boundaries and enforce consequences and be determined through it you’ll teach a teenager self-control.

It may not always be easy, but setting up some structure and communicating your beliefs to your teenager will help you get through this time.  And before you know it, they’ll be past foolish teenage thinking.