Demanding Teens (9-1-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Teens today seem much more demanding than recent generations. They often expect their parents to be walking, breathing ATM machines, with no daily limit.

Parents who continually cave in to the financial demands of their teenager can fail to realize that they may be postponing their child’s development into a responsible and mature adult.

A parent’s generosity can lead a teen to believe that the provisions will continue, without end, leading them to want more and more, and appreciate it less and less.

Head off such “entitled” attitudes by beginning sooner rather than later to teach them how to earn, manage and save money, just like they will need to do when they live on their own.

Embracing the Sinful Child (8-31-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

I know what scripture says about sin, but I believe it is also a sin to turn our back on a wayward adult child.

God has called us to be a part of our children’s lives even if they’ve chosen a sinful lifestyle in their adult years. We’re not to be their judge and jury, and we don’t have to like or approve of their sinful state, but we do need to love them.

Our hope is found in Philippians 1:6, which says “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion.”

God is not finished with your child, and He will often do His work through us parents. So the challenge is to make sure we don’t get in His way with our own attitudes.

WEEKLY: Ten Ways to Rebuild a Relationship with Your Teen (8-29-2009)

WEEKLY PROGRAM SUMMARY:

Relationships thrive in settings where everyone agrees that nobody is perfect.  Is that your home?  Mark Gregston gives practical bridge-builders that will strengthen your relationship with your teen.

Teen Selfishness (8-28-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Some parents feed their teen’s selfishness into adult years by continuing to do everything for them. 

Age 15 is the time to begin aggressively helping your teen get over a selfish mindset.  Instead of being served by mom and dad, older teens need to begin doing things for themselves. 

Romans 12:3 says, “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought.” And this is the right principle to teach to your teen at this age. 

So put on the brakes!  Stop doing everything for your them, like doing their laundry, waking them up, finishing their chores, or paying for their every need.  Quit jumping every time your teen says “frog.”  You need to stop, so that your teen can start learning to take responsibility for himself.

Power Over Teen Drug Use (8-27-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

I talk a lot about parents giving up some control to their teenager, but there is one situation where control needs to be taken back by the parent. 

For the family dealing with a teen who is addicted to drugs or alcohol, the parent must intervene and retake decisive control.

An old Jewish proverb says, “Don’t meet troubles half-way.” Give it all your attention now, or it could take more than you can give later. And you’ll be powerless when they become an adult.  So take whatever measures are necessary to ensure your teenager’s safety, and do it now.

It is up to you to create a solution, such as counseling or substance abuse treatment. And you, too, will need to surround yourself with good counsel and a group of godly friends who are willing to pray with you and encourage you.

Building Maturity in Teens (8-26-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Teenagers don’t become responsible or learn to think more maturely by accident.

Teens learn from being in situations where responsibility and maturity is expected and modeled. That’s why I highly recommend to parents that they get their child into a part-time job throughout the teen years, and particularly one that is service-oriented.

Outside of what mom and dad are expecting of them, nothing can teach a teenager about life and making a livelihood than a job can, whether they need the money or not. 

The right job for just a few hours each week can be a perfect training ground for a teenager, teaching people-skills, money-management, time-management, and even helping the teenager determine what she does or doesn’t want to do after high school.

Stop Nagging Your Teen (8-25-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Nagging is just about the worst thing you can do in trying to help an older teen get motivated.

Instead of nagging, let them learn to take more responsibility by living with the consequences of not being responsible. Your child will learn more from missing his appointments, paying overdraft charges, or waving goodbye as their friends head off to college than anything you could ever say to them. 

Missing a semester of school because the paperwork wasn’t turned in, or losing a job because he didn’t get up on time can teach a teen that they are responsible for what goes on in their life.  So stay out of it and don’t nag.  Such setbacks will help your teen ultimately become more responsible.

The Discerning Years (8-24-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Have you helped you teen go through the process of making a making a good decision?

Discernment is the ability to evaluate the circumstances and make a right choice based on the facts at hand.  Secretly, most teens want their parents’ help in making wise decisions, but they’ll not likely ask for it.

So, begin early helping your teen make wise choices by asking them good questions.  Listen but do not judge as they walk through their reasoning.  Then, participate in a follow-up after they have made a decision, to help them think about it afterwards. Ask them, ”Was it really the experience you thought it would be? “ 

Empowering your child to make wise decisions comes down to developing their ability to discern right from wrong and weigh their options. 

WEEKEND: Assessing Your Troubled Teen (8-22-2009)

WEEKLY HALF-HOUR PROGRAM SUMMARY:

For parents who feel their teen is on an unhealthy downward spiral…take this practical assessment for troubled teens.

Giving Up to Gain (8-21-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Parenting teens can be thought of in terms of giving something up in order to gain something better.

I often tell parents , if you want your child to change, you have to let go of some things, and you have to be willing to change too.

So let me ask you, what are you ready to give up in order for change to take place?  Are you willing to allow your teen to make decisions, and therefore make mistakes?  Will you establish consequences in advance, so emotions can be taken out of enforcing them?

It’s hard to see a teen do something stupid, but stupidity’s cure isn’t more lecturing or anger from you, it’s living with the consequences.  So, line out your teen’s options, define the consequences, and then let them choose

Managing Conflict Together (8-20-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Having disagreement and difficulty with a teen is like throwing wheat on a threshing floor –- you toss it up into the air;  the healthy seeds land, and the chaff gets blown away by the wind.

Parents can make a common mistake when conflict shows itself; they can over-focus and micro-manage every difference of opinion as if it were a mountain, instead of a mole-hill. And they can take the disagreement personally, when it really isn’t.

There are times in raising teens when you just have to decide to let go of the smaller issues in order to focus on other more important ones. A wise parent will hold the reins on what really matters, but give a teen some slack about things not quite so important.

Hero to Zero (8-19-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

In our counseling here at Heartlight, the most often wished-for thing by teenage girls is this, “I want more time with my dad.”

Dads are heroes when their girls are little.  But during the teen years, dad’s can move from hero status to feeling more like a big zero.

Dad, remember this, you can never spend enough time with your teen.  They want time together, even when they act like they don’t.  Make the effort to demand a weekly outing, so they know that they are worth spending time with.

They may not say it right now, but they will always remember you as the their unsung hero, the one who was there for them –- even when they were at their worst.

Never Quit (8-18-2009)

SCRIPT:

The teens that I’m closest to are the ones that I have fought with the most, and I mean that sincerely.  Conflict, when handled properly, does that.

Teens need to know they have a relationship with their parents that loves them through the conflicts, while at the same time showing them the true character of God.

I believe that relationships that stick together through conflict become closer. In fact, the teens I remember the most fondly are the ones that made me to want to pull my hair out.

When a family goes through conflict, it’s easy to feel as if everything is about to fall apart.  But perhaps a better way to view conflict is this… it’s an opportunity to pull your family together, like never before.

Pick Your Battles Wisely (8-17-2009)

SCRIPT:

As you enter conflicts with your teenager, be clear about what you will or won’t support and ask them what they will or won’t support themselves.

Conflict with your teen can be used in a healthy way to discuss their own limits.  This may be the only time they think about their limits, before they are caught off guard with such situations away from you.  If they know or have thought through their answers in advance, they will more likely make better choices.

So, be clear on your limits, and make a habit of helping your teen clarify their own limits.  If you’ve taught them right from wrong when they were young, they’ll base their own limits on your teaching, not on what their culture tells them.

WEEKEND: Understanding Teenage Selfishness (8-15-2009)

WEEKLY HALF-HOUR PROGRAM SUMMARY:

Are you helping your teen mature?  Or feeding his selfishness?  Discover the practical steps to fostering selflessness in your teen… on Parenting Today’s Teens.

Not Allowing Disrespect (8-14-2009)

SCRIPT:

When disrespectful conflict emerges in your relationship with your teen, it’s time to make sure everyone understands the rules for fighting fairly.

An important message for a teen who made a habit of disrespectful arguing is this: ‘Honey, we love you, and that will never change, but we’re not going to allow you to talk that way to us anymore. We understand your need to argue your point, but there is a better way to argue. So from now on, disrespectful words or actions will only serve to get you the opposite of what you wanted, and consequences to boot.”

Respect is extremely important to your ability to communicate and maintain a relationship with your teen, so make the consequences for disrespect cause them to think twice before they speak.

Out of Control Teen Behavior (8-13-2009)

SCRIPT:

Has your once well-adjusted child suddenly become an out of control teenager?

A drastic shift in your teen’s attitude is often a sign of substance or alcohol abuse, and that may be triggered by the teen’s attempts to cover up deeper personal issues.  Unexplained, sustained aggression, angry defiance, declining grades, and an uncaring attitude are all red flags that something has changed in your teen’s life.

So when your teen’s attitude takes a nose dive, it’s important to unravel the mystery surrounding this behavior.  Substance abuse can be a symptom and even a cause of poor behavior, but it’s usually not the root cause.  A good counselor can help unravel the deeper issues and set your teen on a better path.

Hard Lessons for Teens (8-12-2009)

SCRIPT:

When a parent called to say his son had been arrested, I encouraged him not to cancel his week-long business trip to bail out his teen.

If your teenager has been openly dabbling with illegal activity, and gets arrested, you may not want to run to bail them out.

A guilty teen learns invaluable lessons from spending time in a jail cell when he’s done something he knows is wrong. On the other hand, if he knows the parent will fix it every time, he’ll never learn, and end up in jail again and again.

A few days in a lock-up is usually very safe for a teenager, and it can be the catalyst for a change of heart, giving them time to process their unwise choices and see firsthand the consequences that society exacts to wrong-doing.

What Is Happening To My Teen? (8-11-2009)

SCRIPT:

“What’s happening to my teen?” is a question I’ve been asked by parents so often — I decided to name one of my books by it!

Many parents rightly fear that no matter how well they do their job in parenting, their child might still struggle during their teen years. It’s true! There are no guarantees in parenting, and contrary to what each of us would hope — there are no special methods or equations that will guarantee a child’s successful transition to adulthood.

A  far better measure of good parenting is the way in which a parent responds to the struggle -– with sustaining faith, grace and perseverance.  So instead of seeking quick fixes, a wise parent will view the teenage years as a God-sent moment of opportunity to consult Him and trust Him more.

Years to Teen Maturity (8-10-2009)

SCRIPT:

There’s usually nothing wrong with the childish and selfish thinking of teenagers that a few years won’t help cure.

I tell parents all the time that the immaturity their teen is experiencing is just a blip in the radar of life.  They’ll get through it, eventually.  In the meantime, setting up a system for discipline in your home and sticking by it will offer the kind of structure needed to deal with discipline issues.

Set boundaries and enforce consequences and be determined through it you’ll teach a teenager self-control.

It may not always be easy, but setting up some structure and communicating your beliefs to your teenager will help you get through this time.  And before you know it, they’ll be past foolish teenage thinking.

WEEKEND: Signs of Teen Drug Use (8-08-2009)

WEEKLY HALF-HOUR PROGRAM SUMMARY:

Wake Up! Your Teen May Be Using Drugs! Is your teen using drugs behind your back? Mark Gregston shares the warning signs and behaviors of teens who are hiding their drug use.

The Truth for Teens (8-07-2009)

SCRIPT:

Parents sometimes struggle with what to say to their teen when they have to share some bad news.

Proverbs 26:28 says,  “A lying tongue hates those it hurts, and a flattering mouth works ruin.”

When a father needed to know what to tell his teen about his terminal illness, I advised him as I’ll advise you – don’t lie, tell a teen the truth in age-appropriate terms.  Give the truth some time to sink in, and update the truth as the disease progresses.

Your teen will always remember openness and honesty, and in the long run they’ll thank you for it. Teens need their parents to speak the truth, at all times.  So determine to be a loving, truthful parent, no matter how difficult the telling becomes.

Teen Imperfection (8-06-2009)

SCRIPT:

A young lady named Bri once told me, “If you believe in God, it’s just one more person to disappoint.”

In the teen years, Bri grew into an angry and disillusioned girl over the her family’s misdirected view of God.  Like many teens, Bri’s perspective on God was formed in her early years, where she was wrongly taught that we must be perfect in order to please both her parents, and God.

Parents can convey a false impression of God by their demands for perfectionism, leading a teen to think they’ll never measure up, so what’s the use trying?

So parents, be sure to talk about God in terms that He is perfect, but we will never be. And He knows that, which is why he sent His Son to earth, to pay for our imperfection.

Structuring Teen Responsibility (8-05-2009)

SCRIPT:

If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders.

Too much of anything,  including too much idle time or time with friends, can be bad, so I recommend balancing out your teen’s time with a task that is theirs exclusively to handle.

Make it something that has meaning, such as helping an elderly neighbor, volunteering at a hospital, or helping less fortunate people. It’s best when the teen interacts directly with the people they are helping, not just stuffing envelopes or picking up trash.

Such meaningful responsibilities can go a long way toward bringing a sense of belonging and purpose to the teen’s life and a dose of reality to their thinking about preparing for the future.

Signs of Teen Drug Use

WEEKLY HALF-HOUR PROGRAM SUMMARY:

Wake Up! Your Teen May Be Using Drugs! Is your teen using drugs behind your back? Mark Gregston shares the warning signs and behaviors of teens who are hiding their drug use.