Evidence of Underlying Needs (7-31-2009)

SCRIPT:

When you ask yourself, ‘Why is my child acting that way?’ Consider that an underlying need may be driving their behavior.

A teen who wants to control everything may need to be given more personal responsibility. One who lacks confidence may need  more opportunities to achieve and succeed. An angry or frustrated teen may be reacting to your expectations being too high, and just needs an outlet to express his frustrations.

Parenting today’s teen takes more than laying down rules and expecting compliance -– it involves understanding where they’re coming from and changing the direction they’re headed by providing many opportunities to do so.

Tarzan School (7-30-2009)

SCRIPT:

Teens today are growing up in an out of control cultural jungle. They receive daily smoke signals from peer-fed campfires that are directly opposed to the way they’ve been raised.

The key to helping a teen survive in the petrifying forest is to adequately prepare them for the journey. The Tarzan school of Christian parenting isn’t currently available, so it’s a matter of looking closely at the trail map, and finding ways to maneuver with godly character.

Help your teen hunt for the best approach, and equip them with some defensive arrows of their own. Running away or avoiding their culture is not an option, but preparing to live in the jungle without being torn apart by the wild beasts is possible.

Spy on Your Teen? (7-29-2009)

SCRIPT:

Parents always ask if they should pry and spy into the lives of their teenagers.

My answer is this, “If you are having a problem, then you should look into every avenue possible to get to the bottom of it.” And I often tell teens, “Violation of my policy means invasion of your privacy until I am satisfied I have the right information.”

So, investigate your suspicions as if you were seeking a cure for cancer. While you must trust your teen to some degree, I hope you also trust that adolescents are capable of making poor choices, being deceived by others, and easily influenced in inappropriate ways. When they do, it is important for parents to know as much as possible in order to address the issue the right way.

Fixed by Friday (7-28-2009)

SCRIPT:

I see as many problems with the way parents think these days as I do with teenagers, and in some ways their issues are tougher to address than a teen’s.

There is a type of arrogance, and perfectionistic expectations built into some Christian parents, who think everything can be fixed by applying a formula of do’s and don’ts in their discipline. The truth is, God never gave us formulas in parenting.

A quick fix is a momentary band-aid on an injury that might require a lengthy surgery. You may not see progress with a struggling teen for a very long time, and learning how best to help him during his tough times is what is most needed.

Power of God (7-27-2009)

SCRIPT:

Do you believe that God is just as concerned about your teen as you are?

Sometimes a parent’s protection over their teen is motivated by fear, not by faith. And here’s what happens when you overprotect your teen. You project that the world is more mysterious and powerful than it actually is. And that God is evidently not as powerful as the forces of evil.

No wonder so many kids today choose the dark side — to protect themselves! They want to be on the side of power, not weakness.

So, begin today putting your trust in God and demonstrating that to your teen in what you say and do. Tell them you’ve asked for God’s protection over them. And talk about God’s mighty power every chance you get. Doing so will help them pick the right side to be on when the going gets tough.

Giving Feedback to Your Teen (7-25-2009)

WEEKLY HALF-HOUR PROGRAM SUMMARY:

Mark Gregston gives practical keys to giving meaningful, relationship-building feedback to your teen. It’s the blueprint for well-worded criticism… on this Parenting Today’s Teens.

Missed Opportunities (7-24-2009)

SCRIPT:

I once sat next to someone on an airplane that I wanted to meet for a long, long time, but I didn’t even know it.

It wasn’t until he left the plane that I found out who he was from others who were talking about him. If I had just asked his name I would have had a chance in a lifetime to get to know him. But I was too distracted to notice.

In parenting, it’s easy to be distracted and not notice what’s going on in your teen’s life. Sometimes the most obvious needs to be pointed out by others.

So, learn to be a questioner. Ask your teen thought provoking questions and ask others if they see any signs of problems in your teen. I guarantee that you’ll be glad you did.

Nose Dive (7-23-2009)

SCRIPT:

Some parents wonder why their teen suddenly spins out of control when leaving home, after years of ensuring that everything was in control.

Cindy’s parents believed that extreme limitations and overly strict rules would keep her in line. She wasn’t in control of any part of her own life, right up until the day that she ran away from home. Finally, she was in control, but had no training in how to control herself. Like a child piloting a 747, her life took a tragic nose dive.

Sadly, it was too late for Cindi, but it forced her parents to reexamine some of their controlling ways and allow their other children to have more control over their own lives. Armed with a sense of freedom, acceptance and from learning from making plenty of mistakes, they avoided similar nosedives when they left home.

Iron Sharpens Iron (7-22-2009)

SCRIPT:

When asking God to transform you to be more like Him, be prepared that He could use a son or daughter to help accomplish that.

In a dream, a man saw someone in heaven who he thought didn’t belong there. So he asked God why this person, who had done so much to cause him great disappointment, was in heaven? God said, “Child, I’ve been using this person for a long, long time to make you into the man I want you to be.”

God uses struggles with another person to sharpen us into someone whom He can use for His own glory. Just as iron sharpens iron, God may also be using one man, one rebellious son, or one wayward teenage daughter, to sharpen you into the person He wants you to be.

Complete Independence (7-21-2009)

SCRIPT:

When talking about discipline with teenagers, it is important to understand that it is for the purpose of helping the teen safely reach independence.

Don’t confuse discipline with simply handing out punishment for bad behavior. As teens become young adults, they begin distinguishing right from wrong, so they need to understand the reasons behind your rules. That builds discipline in their minds and actions — especially as they experience the consequences.

So start discussing your rules and the appropriate consequences, as you’ve never had to before. You’ll be helping your teenager understand the meaning behind the rules, not just how to avoid the consequences.