Macy’s Adoption (6-30-2009)

SCRIPT:

Sometimes teenagers can be wired a little differently.   What’s normal for them can seem to be rebellion in the eyes of their parents.

Macy was an adopted daughter who just couldn’t connect with the way her new family operated.  She distanced herself from her sisters, and avoided time with the family. 

Her adoptive parents misinterpreted Macy’s actions as  rebellion and sought help for it. But what seemed like rebellion was actually normal for Macy. She was just wired differently from most kids.  

When her parents learned that their child was just different, it helped them change the way they responded to her problems.   They learned to love her differences, without worry or reservation.

Barbed Wire (6-29-2009)

SCRIPT:

Sarah’s personality was so obstinate and disconnected that her family psychologist described her as “barbed wire.”  

When I first met Sarah at age 16, she pushed people away, and kept her distance. Sarah wasn’t necessarily rebellious, she just interpreted the actions of others as attacking her. So her defences were always up. 

Our counselors at Heartlight worked with Sarah, and over time she began to drop her defenses.  We uncovered the underlying reasons for her actions.  And underneath it all we found a lovely girl, grateful for parents and Heartlight counselors who helped her work through some tough issues in her life.

Rules and Consequences for Your Home (6-27-2009)

WEEKLY HALF-HOUR PROGRAM SUMMARY:

The healthiest homes are those with boundaries.

Special Guest: Tim Kimmel

Mean Teen Girls (6-26-2009)

SCRIPT:

Erika was the apple of her father’s eye.  She was loved, cherished, and even spoiled.

But the first day of middle school was terrible for Erika.  Her anger and hurt at being called names and bullied by mean girls spilled out after school, shocking her parents.  So, they began protecting Erika by monitoring her emails, text messages, and photos.  They reported harassments to the school and they discussed with Erika how her world had changed and how to handle it.

Erika and her parents learned that middle school can be a pretty difficult place for girls.  It’s a time for parents to take care to affirm their daughters by talking through the hurtful issues and offering positive reinforcements.

Parents and Divorce (6-25-2009)

SCRIPT:

Aaron was troubled by feelings of abandonment when his parents divorced. His misguided attempts to deal the emotional pain caused him to engage in a terrible drug habit.

For Aaron, having a continued relationship with his birth father after the divorce could have countered the wrong thinking and prevented the feelings of rejection.  His father’s guidance and love was missing, so there was a huge void in his heart that he tried to fill or mask with drugs.

In situations of divorce, it is important for both parents to continue to participate in their children’s lives. Doing so  conveys a sense of value and fills a void that no one else can easily fill.

Parent Perfectionism (6-24-2009)

SCRIPT:

Seemingly perfect people tend to think that their children need to be perfect too.  But the teen years are never perfect.

Laura tried to keep up the perfect teen routine, but suddenly snapped and took up lying and doing whatever she pleased.  I noticed as we attempted to help Laura that her parents seemed to criticize our every effort.  I discovered for myself just how difficult is was to please them, and I could see that Laura’s unhappiness was rooted in feelings of frustration and imperfection.  She could never please her parents, so why even try?  

If you find yourself criticizing your teen’s every move, lighten up.  Don’t drive your teen to frustration and be sure to balance your criticisms with positive feedback when they do things right.

The King Who Never Leaves Us (6-23-2009)

SCRIPT:

Isn’t it good to know that as believers who love our King, He will never leave us?

When the concert finished, the “King of rock and roll” exited to the announcement, “The king has left the building.”  The show was over because the king was gone.

There have been many times in the last 30 years that I have pondered that my King will never leave me.  Christ, our King, the King of Kings,  promises — no matter how tough things get,  “I will never leave you, I will never forsake you.”

Never forget this promise and teach it every day to your children. They need to know that the King we know, never leaves the building.

Teen Self-Awareness (6-22-2009)

SCRIPT:

Younger children generally don’t care what others think;  but all of that changes in adolescence.

As a teen matures, carefree living can quickly turn into brutal self-awareness.  So when your teen’s behavior becomes unlike anything you’ve seen before, it can be because they are thinking about themselves in a new way.  They may feel rejected or unaccepted by others, or don’t quite know how to fit in.  The mistake parents make when teens become frustrated by their new self-awareness, is to focus on their behavior instead of understanding its roots. 

Parents can help by remembering their own feelings of insecurity in the teen years and offer loving words of encouragement, affirmation, and empathy to their teen.

When Teens Shatter Your Dreams (6-20-2009)

WEEKLY HALF-HOUR PROGRAM SUMMARY:

Raising children is both wonderful and painful.  And for parents of teens, there may be more pain than joy right now in your life.

Special Guest:  Dr. Larry Crabb

Worry’s Wrong Assumptions (6-19-2009)

SCRIPT:

Worry is a witness to many wrong assumptions, because worry assumes facts not in evidence. 

Worry assumes that the bad behavior your teen perpetrated today will continue tomorrow.

Worry assumes that God doesn’t know all the details of what’s going on, or that He is not in control.

Worry assumes that God can’t be trusted to do the right thing, or He doesn’t care enough to intervene for your teen.

And worry assumes you know every detail and every cause of your teen’s misbehavior.

But worry’s assumptions are usually not true. So, instead of worrying, keep your eyes looking up, and seek out the truth, not empty assumptions.  Your teen deserves that from you.

Faithful Love (6-18-2009)

SCRIPT:

Parents fear that their teen is capable of doing in an instant what will leave them with a scar on their soul for life.

Even when they’ve done the worst, your teen needs to know you love them just the same today as you did before their terrible mistake. That you intend to continue to be a friend in their time of need, and that your love for them will never stop — no matter what the awful consequences. 

It is in the toughest of times that a Christian parent can give their child a taste of the true character of a God who loves them, communicate a better way of living, a different view of life, and the need for a Savior, who will also never leave or forsake them, no matter what they’ve done.

Teen Angry Answers (6-17-2009)

SCRIPT:

If you have teens in the house, I guarantee there will be times when they will stir up anger. 

Police officers are trained to never lose their cool.  It does no good for a traffic cop to get angry with a speeder.  Doing so will only incite anger in return, and the officer will lose his position of authority. Instead, a ticket is calmly written and the speeder is sent on his way, kicking himself for the fine he’ll have to pay.

The next time you feel anger with your teen for breaking the rules, think of the traffic cop.  Keep calm and apply the consequences, which will serve to make the teen angry at himself, not you, for the fine he’ll have to pay.

Sorting Out Sports for Teens (6-16-2009)

SCRIPT:

Some parents believe that every kid needs to play a sport, just like they did.  But is this wise?

Though I was active in sports in school, I’ve learned that some kids shouldn’t be forced into it.  Demanding that a teen play a sport, or join in any other extra-curricular activity, may be rooted in selfish thinking on the part of the parents and it can do more harm than good.  Giving children a chance to try new things is healthy, but I don’t recommend forcing ongoing participation in the teen years if they find they don’t like it.

Wise parents will set aside their own wishes and instead seek out activities that their teen can be passionate about.

Teens Who Argue (6-15-2009)

SCRIPT:

I’ve learned that anything can be argued about, and some teens argue about everything.

Since some teens are bent on arguing, the best way to stop arguments is to simply find a way to agree with them. It takes the fuse out of the ticking time-bomb when you respond by saying you understand their point of view, or simply agree with what they’re saying.  For example, “You’re right, I am a terrible driver,”  or, “I can see why you might think that way…”

Some battles having to do with moral issues and household rules are worth fighting, but don’t engage in petty adolescent arguments.  When you put out the fuse, your teen will eventually stop lighting it.

Watching Out for Teen Pitfalls (6-13-2009)

WEEKLY HALF-HOUR PROGRAM SUMMARY:

When you’re driving, you avoid potholes. And when you’re parenting teens, you should avoid pitfalls. Mark maps out the hazards that may lie in the road for your family.

Teens and Peers (6-12-2009)

SCRIPT:

Parents and teens have differing goals.  A parent seeks to defend and protect their teen, but a teen seeks to have friends and to be accepted by his peers.

Parents can tend to shelter their teens in an effort to keep them from connecting with wrong influences, or to be pressured into wrong behavior. But a teen wants socialization and acceptance outside the family. 

So a wise parent will give enough freedom to address their teen’s need to belong, along with very strong boundaries around their choices.  The combination of freedom and boundaries, with strong consequences, keeps a parent in the right kind of support role, and gives a teen a good reason to say “no” to their peers.

Teen Expectations (6-11-2009)

SCRIPT:

A parent’s expectations can be either a burden or a blessing in the life of their teen.

Have you thought how your teen struggles with understanding and meeting your expectations?  If you expect too much, he’ll bristle, feel he can never measure up, or feel like a constant failure.  If you expect too little, he gets frustrated and feels like, “Who cares….no one notices what I do anyway.”  Either way, he loses trust in you.

I’ve learned that trust is like a beautiful building, it can take years to build it, but only seconds to destroy. So, talk openly about your expectations.  Ask your teen if you are expecting too much, or too little.  They’ll appreciate knowing you cared enough to ask.

Useful Purpose (6-10-2009)

SCRIPT:

Many of the things I love about my wife Jan are a part of her character because of her struggles with childhood abuse.

The promise of Romans 8:28 is that God uses all things in our lives for His good and His purposes when we love God.  I would never say that God causes pain to come into a person’s life, but I would say that God shows Himself faithful to those who’ve had painful experiences, and that He is faithful to His promise to use everything — even bad things — for our good and His purposes. 

Just as God has developed my wife into a beautiful, Godly woman who loves Him and helps others, God will do the same for your teen, no matter what they’ve come through.  Rest assured that God will ultimately use pain in our lives for higher purposes, and build us into the person He wants us to be.

Gracious Parenting (6-09-2009)

SCRIPT:

I’ve learned that truly forgiving someone takes a lot of practice, and that offering grace is not always easy. 

We love to talk about God’s grace, but let our teen mess up royally, and our own grace-giving becomes difficult.  The teen may not really deserve or even want forgiveness, but that may be exactly the right time to give it to them. 

Grace is a costly gift; and it is most needed when it is least deserved.  Given sparingly, and at the right moment, grace has the power to transform a relationship with a teen, just as the undeserved grace we receive from our Heavenly Father transforms and renews us.

Teen Character Building (6-08-2009)

SCRIPT:

There seems to be a lot of confusion over what schools should and shouldn’t teach our kids these days.

Kids can learn reading and writing in school, but character is learned from parents.

• Schools can teach self-esteem, but it is parents who teach self-respect.
• Schools can give awards for achievement, but parents teach a desire to serve others.
• Schools teach free thinking, but parents teach a child self-control and how to manage their emotions.
• And schools can offer success on tests — but parents teach a child how to make wise choices and be successful in life.

 Character-building is a parent’s job, it’s not a task that should be left to anyone else.

A Different Approach to Raising Your Teen (6-06-2009)

HALF-HOUR WEEKEND PROGRAM SUMMARY:  When your approach to parenting isn’t working… when your teen isn’t responding… learn flexibility in your parenting style. You’ll get practical help from Mark Gregston on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens.

Parents Are Teachers Too (6-05-2009)

SCRIPT:

It’s important to not give up your teaching role too soon, even when school activities and friends seem to keep your teenager busy all the time.

Proverbs 4:1 says, “Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction;  pay attention — and gain understanding.”

A parent’s role is to instruct their children to run life’s race.  But some parents give up this teaching role too soon in the teen years – a time when their wisdom is needed more than ever.

So, don’t hand off the baton too early, or give it to someone else to pass along to your teen.  Along with expanding freedoms and time with friends, teens also need your time and guidance, each and every day.

A Parent’s Fading Halo (6-04-2009)

SCRIPT:

The halo hovering above a parent’s head tends to fade when their kids reach the teen years.

Every child grows up thinking their parents can do no wrong, right up until they reach the teen years.  Face it — you aren’t perfect.  Only now, your maturing child knows it, and may be taking pot shots at your halo.

So, if you have teens, they know you aren’t perfect, so  stop trying to hide it.  Just smile, and agree!  In fact, tell them  some of the stupid things you’ve done in the past.  Not only will they be shocked to hear you admit  it, they may be more willing to share  some of their own imperfections too, and it can go a long way toward building your relationship.

Teen Self-Control (6-03-2009)

SCRIPT:

Setting up boundaries in your home will not only bring sanity to your home, but will also teach your teen self-control.  

Setting up reasonable boundaries in your home, including the rules and resulting consequences for breaking the rules, can keep your home from becoming either an over-controlled prison or an out-of-control free for all. 

With communicated boundaries, children learn to be self-controlled because they know right from wrong, and can choose by weighing the consequences.

Boundaries are like fences; they allow the teenager freedom to roam, while showing the teen the lines that must not be crossed.  Boundaries are the tool of choice for parents who want to teach their teen to live a responsible, self-controlled life.

Teen Loss and Anger (6-02-2009)

SCRIPT:

Teens often resort to dangerous or self-destructive behavior in an attempt to deal with their emotional pain.

Teens naturally experiment, but ongoing risky behaviors like abusing  alcohol, sexual promiscuity, drugs, cutting, and eating disorders often represent a teen’s  attempt to control or cover up painful emotions.

Some teens are ill-equipped to manage emotional pain and may need help dealing with it in the correct way. If risky behavior is seen, a good counselor can help expose their emotional hurts and deal with them in a more constructive and safe way.   

Wise parents will look for signs of risky or self-destructive behavior in their teen and get help the minute they see it.