The Author of Reconciliation (5-30-2009)

WEEKLY HALF-HOUR PROGRAM SUMMARY:  Is there a wall between you and your teen? Have there been so many hurtful encounters between you that reconciliation seems impossible? This weekend on Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston calls for radical changes in your home…to break down the walls in your relationship.

That’s Not Love (5-29-2009)

SCRIPT:

Some parents think they are showing love to their child by allowing them to do anything they want. 

Crystal’s older brother didn’t work, slept till noon, played video games all day, and stayed out all night. He embarrassed crystal, who felt she could never invite friends home. When Crystal asked mom about it, she responded that this was her brother’s house too, and as usual, did nothing.

Denial is a powerful force, and if you’re a parent who knows something is wrong, today is the day to expose it, for every day that passes is one more day it damages your family. Enlist the help of others if the battle seems impossible. I  guarantee you, it is not.

Teen Priorities (5-28-2009)

SCRIPT:

When a teenager suddenly refuses to spend time with his family, or if time with new friends of questionable character always takes priority over everything else in his life, a wise parent will consider it a warning sign, not normal teenage behavior.

A little intolerance for parents or family is normal, but when your teen suddenly shows disdain or hatred toward you, then it’s time for further evaluation by a trained counselor.

Rejecting the family is a sign of other issues in the teen’s life that should be uncovered before they lead the teen down the wrong path. Catching it early can save a lot of heartache and safely bring the teen back to right thinking.

Wait to Help Your Teen (5-27-2009)

SCRIPT:

Your teen won’t like to hear what you think unless they ask you for your opinion, and they’ll take your advice even less.

A normal part of the teen years is the quest for independence that keeps them from asking for help, even when it’s plain to everyone around them that they need it. One of the best habits parents develop is the habit of waiting to be invited to give your opinion or to help, and keeping quiet while your teen tries to figure things out for themselves.

Having to learn things the hard way and paying a high price are sometimes a teen’s best teachers, and allowing them to wait while they experience it is a parent’s best approach.

Parental Unconditional Love (5-26-2009)

SCRIPT:

There is no right formula for bringing a teenager to maturity, but there are three ingredients that will help you do a pretty good job of it.

First, unconditional love lets them know there is nothing they can do to make you love them more, and nothing they can do to make you love them less.

Second, grace gives them room to fail and the encouragement to learn from their mistakes.

And third, truth is the correcting influence that balances their actions with what is right and wrong in the sight of God and man and brings consequences to bear when they go over the line.

Love, grace and truth are three powerful ingredients that every parent should apply generously.

Teen Sheltering (5-25-2009)

SCRIPT:

A wise parent will teach a teenager how to survive in the cultural jungle.

It’s never been harder to raise kids to be discerning, to love God with their whole heart, and to make good decisions. Even when you give it your best shot, you can experience problems.

So some parents try to ensure their kids’ safety by keeping them at home and hovering over them. But keep this in mind — we’re not supposed to be raising kids to live in the zoo – we’re raising them to survive in the jungle.

Keeping a teenager in a cage does nothing to help them survive in the real world. No matter how much you protect them, they’ll eventually need to live safely and confidently on their own.

Parental Controls and the Internet (5-23-2009)

WEEKEND HALF-HOUR PROGRAM SUMMARY:

As teens spend more and more time on the Internet, it’s important that parents know how to effectively balance their teen’s privacy and protection. Mark Gregston gives some practical help for getting a handle on the Internet in your home.

School Troubles for Teens (5-22-2009)

SCRIPT:  I couldn’t believe my ears when a school administrator told me that kids who couldn’t pass his standardized tests were not welcome in his school system.

Most problems with teens begin to show themselves in junior high and high school. Most kids adapt, fit in, and survive the education process. But many become singled out as “problem kids” because they don’t function well in the educational system.

For kids who are labeled as a problem, school can be a real nightmare. I tell parents dealing with such kids — many of which are unusually bright — to keep an open mind and to adjust their plans if needed.

There are other options for high school graduation, like private tutoring, home schooling and even a G.E.D.

Teen Rope Burn (5-21-2009)

SCRIPT: Keeping a teen on a tightrope can sometimes result in rope burn.

Failure to give your child enough of the right kind of freedom often backfires, and if you see your teen resorting to sneakiness, lying, or even rebellion, it may be because they asked you to give them more freedom, and you responded with more controls.

Teens develop by doing, seeing, and experiencing more, and parents often make the mistake of putting too many limits or just saying “No” when they should be working to balance freedom with appropriate limits.

The fight you are experiencing in their behavior may just be their way of demanding you help them find ways to experience more freedom while making right choices.

When Teens Hit Rock Bottom (5-20-2009)

SCRIPT: In our Heartlight counseling center, I work everyday with teens who have hit rock bottom.

You may be surprised to learn that part of the despair I find in today’s teens is actually a byproduct of receiving too much of everything from their parents.

Overindulgence makes a teen believe he’s entitled to more and more. They find out all too soon that the empty promise that the world revolves around them is just not the case.

If your teen has hit rock bottom, it may be that he has nowhere to go but up, and helping him get out of the hole he’s in doesn’t involve making him happy or giving him more stuff, but learning to take responsibility for himself.

Perfect Teens (5-19-2009)

SCRIPT: If I was determined to correct every issue that a teenager presents, I would spend all my time correcting, and very little time building any relationship at all with that teen.

Neither you, nor your child, is going to be perfect this side of heaven, and there’s plenty of time to correct things along the way, so pick your battles wisely and tackle it cohesively.

Parents need to get together to figure out what needs to be taught now, and what can wait. They should also determine how issues are going to be confronted, and what consequences are to be applied.

Focusing on what’s important for the teenager to learn at this stage of the game will help ensure that everyone is on the same page and that relationships remain intact.

Parents Responding Well (5-18-2009)

SCRIPT: How parents respond to their teenager’s poor choices and occasional mess-ups is an important factor in the final outcome.

When teens inadvertently start a fire in their life, sometimes a parent can throw fuel on the flames and overheat the situation with their own anger. Instead of reacting in rage, allow appropriate consequences be their teacher.

One good way to help a parent defuse deep anger is to remember some of your own immature stunts at that age. Recalling your own immaturity will allow you to deal more effectively with your teen’s, and instead of a barn-burner, someday you’ll both laugh at the stupid stunts each of you pulled as teenagers.

Keeping Marriage Going Amidst Teen Struggles (5-16-2009)

Half-Hour Weekend Edition for May 16

PROGRAM SUMMARY: If you’re facing a crisis with your teen, you know that the pressure on a marriage can be intense. Husbands and wives are often pushed apart in the process. But there’s help and hope for your family. Mark Gregston speaks to hurting parents of teens.

Positive Teen Reinforcements (5-15-2009)

SCRIPT:

I love to hear about the creative ways parents use to reward their teen for making good decisions. But parents sometimes confuse rewarding a child with buying them something.

Let me encourage you not to always reward your teen by buying them things. Instead, give them more freedom. Teens value freedom as much or more than any other reward you will offer. So give them a little later curfew, more time with friends, or the use of your car for a day.

Rewarding with more freedom goes a long way toward positively reinforcing your teen’s desire to make good decisions.

And when keeping that newfound freedom becomes their responsibility, it helps them develop maturity and right thinking.

Parental Love and Teen Change (5-14-2009)

SCRIPT:

Sometimes parenting comes down to one word…”LOVE.”

Let me tell you about a young man who wrestled with depression, had trouble managing his anger, couldn’t control his alcohol intake, and was a master at “letting loose” on anyone who got in the way.

For years he fought with his mom and dad, claiming that they were the reason his life was a mess. I knew better.
At last, after ten years, he got his life straightened out and rebuilt a relationship with his parents.

Through it all I learned a lot from his faithful parents, who always told me, and daily demonstrated this fact to the wayward son, that, “The one that you would change, you first have to love.”

Teenage Mistakes (5-13-2009)

SCRIPT:

Mark Twain once said, “Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.” And that’s exactly how teenagers gain experience – mistakes.

When a teenager begins to take more responsibility and control of his life, it is inevitable – he will make mistakes. In those times, he’ll need your support when he fails, misjudges, or blows it.

So, it can be a good sign when a teenager makes mistakes. It means they are maturing and learning. Let your words and actions be loving and supportive but also firm, since consequences are the tool of learning.

Remember, growing in experience also means making a lot of mistakes.

Middle School Wars (5-12-2009)

SCRIPT:

The first day for middle school girls is usually the day all reigning princesses greet one another, size up the playing field, and form a silent battle strategy.

If I had a nickel for every time a parent told me that their cute little girl went off to middle school as a princess and returned as a dragon, I’d be wealthy.

Middle school is the age girls begin to compete with one another for attention and acceptance. Their words and behavior can be cut-throat.

The best way to help prepare her is by letting her know what will happen in advance, and how to respond appropriately. And when she needs to vent her frustrations, let her know you’ll be there for her.

Fight for Family Blessings (5-11-2009)

SCRIPT: 

Let me encourage you, mom and dad, to be the one to stand for something good, honorable, and necessary, even if you have to fight for it.

Fostering change in a family is tough, and it usually brings about conflict. But without conflict, nothing changes, so change and conflict go hand in hand.

If you want to end up in a place where you really want to be. And, if you want to experience the blessings God has in store for you, you may have to battle to ensure your family adheres to God’s principles.

So hang tough, and you’ll see that changing some “old ways” and implementing some new ways can be beneficial to your family’s future – it’s worth fighting for!

Your Kids, the Internet, and Pornography (5-09-2009)

Weekend Half-Hour Edition Summary:  If your teen has access to a computer, the chances are, they’ve looked at inappropriate material.  Mark Gregston describes the struggles that pornography creates for guys and girls … and helps parents know what to do.

Love a Teen (5-08-2009)

SCRIPT: Though I’m a grandparent now, I do my best to keep up on today’s teen culture.

Times have changed haven’t they! But I don’t condemn the younger generation for their excesses. Instead, I appreciate the difficulty of being a teenager today, and I understand why so many of them are angry, distraught, confused, and misdirected.

Kids have just as much potential as they ever have. That is, if they can keep the culture from overwhelming them. But that’s not just their job. It’s our job as well, to give teens a refuge from their culture. To lift their spirits and to show them the way.

Stupid Teen Stuff (5-07-2009)

SCRIPT: I admit I’ve done some pretty stupid stuff in my time. But I’ve also found that sharing those things helps teenagers openly share their mistakes with me as well.

I’m not perfect…and neither are you. But does your teen know that?

The point is, you’ll never know how to help your teenager until you know the stupid stuff they are doing. And they’ll not share their mistakes until they know they aren’t the only imperfect ones in the room.

So, with an attitude of remorse, share the stupid things you’ve done. Talk about your mistakes in life and what you learned from them. Your teen will learn from them as well, and will also feel free to share their own mistakes with you.

Fireproof Your Teen? (5-06-2009)

SCRIPT: No matter how much a parent does for a child, or how much they show their love to them, there is a chance that they may get off track in their teen years.

Contrary to popular notions, there are no special procedures that guarantee a smooth adolescence, since many other emotional issues come to play in the teen years.

One example is adopted children. No matter how much love parents lavish on adopted children, many go through struggles in their teen years. It has nothing to do with the adopted parents and everything to do with feelings of abandonment by their birth mother.

Good parenting is all about how a parent applies sustaining faith, grace and perseverance even amidst tough times.

Maturing Consequences for Teens (5-05-2009)

SCRIPT: Bitterness and anger are no way for a parent to respond to a difficult time with a teen.

It can be difficult for a parent to avoid feelings of anger when they feel betrayed by a teenager’s bad behavior. But it’s just as hard for an immature teen to understand how or why their poor choices affect their parents.

That’s why it up to the parent to take the high road in these times. Instead of over-emotional reactions, simply hold your teen accountable for misbehavior. Anger from a parent makes no sense to a teen, but consequences like the loss of privileges for a time make a lot of sense, and teach your teen to make better choices in the future.

20-20 for Parents of Teens (5-4-2009)

SCRIPT: Hindsight is 20-20. When I look back at every situation in my life I can now clearly can see God’s hand, His purpose, and His intent were at work. Life can be hard, but God is always good.

It’s easy for me now to reflect on my life and see that every time things have been tough, God has been good. Like the footprints in the sand, God seemed to be carrying me at those times.

Such promises may become clouded in times of trouble with a teenager, but let me reassure you…when you feel discouraged as a parent, be assured of His presence, because there is no doubt that in His perfect timing, He will cause all things to work together for good in your family.