Teen Lessons In Jail (5-01-2009)

SCRIPT: I work with troubled kids, and not a week goes by that I don’t get a frantic call from parents whose teen has been arrested.

Since I believe in allowing a child to own the consequences of their behavior, I tell these parents it’s best to not bail their teen out of jail, at least not right away. This is especially true if they have been openly involved in illegal behavior.

It’s a tough decision for the parents, but sitting in jail for a few days as a teenager may be just what it takes to keep the teen from facing a lifetime of imprisonments.

Their time in jail will likely speak to them about their behavior in ways you never could, and bring them to a turning point in the risky life they are living.

Teen Rules Based on Parent Beliefs (4-30-2009)

SCRIPT: I’ve found a good way to avoid chaos in your home.

A written home belief system helps everyone in the home better understand the household rules. I call it a belief system, because it’s focus is on your deeply held beliefs.

For instance, you may believe, as I do, that nothing good happens after midnight, so one of your rules may be to set a curfew. But setting a curfew without first expressing your beliefs in that regard can lead the teen to think your rule is arbitrary and pointless — even mean.

Many times parents just expect everyone to understand how they believe, but teens can become confused. So write down your rules, boundaries and even the appropriate consequences. That way everyone knows what to expect, as well as the beliefs that support those rules.

Teen Disrespect (4-29-2009)

SCRIPT: There is a difference between a heated discussion and a disrespectful one.

Parents need to show their children unconditional love, just as God loves us, even when we are at our worst. But blatant disrespect from a teen is a time for parents to disengage in a communication until cooler heads prevail.

Anger and emotion are part and parcel of the teenage years, but they aren’t necessarily disrespect. In fact, one can have a heated discussion without becoming disrepectful. But when demeaning or threatening statements are made, it’s time for the parent to make it crystal clear that no matter what the trouble, disrespect is not allowed.

As soon as the teen sees that disrespect gets them nowhere, they’ll begin to seek a more respectful way to communicate.

Teen Rebellion (4-28-2009)

SCRIPT: A 16-year-old named Eddie said, “My parents raised me in a strict Christian home, but when I got older and wanted to make my own choices about life and worship, my parents refused.”

When Eddie’s parents denied him more freedom, even in his late teen years, he dove head first into a life of rebellion. Eventually, when he hit rock bottom, he landed in a treatment program, where he sorted out his independent spirit, his rebellion, his relationships, and his faith.

His parents also learned from this…the wisdom of giving children more freedom as they grow older.

So, begin shifting your role from directing your teen’s life to setting boundaries for them to live within. They’ll make mistakes. But that’s an opportunity to learn as well.

Teens Learning to Reason (4-27-2009)

SCRIPT: One way or another, a teenager will seek more freedom as he gets older. It’s important for parents to gradually let go of the reins.

I’m not saying that parents need to allow a teen to go to riskier places or participate in inappropriate things. But instead of automatically saying “No,” begin having thoughtful conversations about it.

Most teens want their parents to be involved in helping them make good decisions. So begin a dialog: talk through their reasoning, and yours. Ask them good questions and allow them to talk.

Parents must make the final decision, but they can use such situations as a time to help their teen think through their own decisions and learn how to reason.

My Teen is a Different Person Online (4-25-2009)

Weekend Half-Hour Program (scripts are not available)

Description: We all want to feel significant. We want recognition. And in today’s culture, teens are likely to get that from the Internet. The danger comes when they go to the extreme…and become a completely different person online. Mark Gregston helps parents recognize when their teen’s online image is destructive.

Dangerous Teen Games (4-24-2009)

SCRIPT: Teens don’t have the skills to heal their emotional wounds, so they try to cover them up.

Teenagers will often do dangerous things or reckless acts just for the thrill of it. It’s similar to the temporary high that can be gotten from drugs or alcohol.

What they’re really trying to do is to cover up painful emotions, like feelings of failure, abandonment, loss, or inadequacy. They may even be trying to forget the last stupid thing they did.

Parents can help break such a cycle by recognizing it and teaching their teen positive approaches to rebuilding self-esteem, including involving a good counselor to help keep the teen on a more positive track.

Teens Caught in Divorce (4-23-2009)

SCRIPT: Danny’s parents divorced when he was in the 7th grade. They were so consumed with their own problems, they forgot all about Danny’s needs.

By age 16, Danny literally lived by his own rules and came and went as he wished. School became his place to meet up with friends instead of learning. When his mother tried to correct his failing grades, Danny rebelled.That’s when Danny came to Heartlight, where we were able to help him deal with his issues so he could successfully graduate high school and later attend college.

Today Danny believes his own life is a example of how much the problem with education today isn’t the schools or teachers, but the breakdown of the family.

When Teens are Seriously Ill (4-22-2009)

SCRIPT: Parents asked me when to break serious medical news to their teenager.

The parents wondered, “When do I tell them?” “How much information do they need?”

My rule in these situations is to always keep a child “in the know” about their illness. It affects their future, and they deserve to know what’s in store.

A child may respond to the devastating news of a terminal illness better than you thought. But begin by telling them in age-appropriate terms. Share more details as they ask for it and can handle it.

Above all, keep communication lines open to allow the child to talk freely about their illness and not keep it pent up inside.

Teen Culture of Curiosity (4-21-2009)

The “Prodigal” Jesus spoke about came to his senses when he found himself sleeping with the swine instead of his comfortable bed. The consequences of wrong living were his wake-up call.

There’s an epidemic of such prodigals today. Teens who get what they want, and do as they please.

Unfortunately, in the name of love and tolerance, their parents allow it, and even feed it, so the teens never come to their senses.

If you want to help your prodigal, stop feeding his foolish appetites, and enforce consequences that are equal to his bad decisions. It’s the hardest thing for a loving parent to do, but it may just save your teen’s life. For then, and only then, will he learn the error of his ways.