Brush Off Teen Pushoff (3-31-2009)

A TEEN WHO FEELS HOPELESS CAN USE ANGER, CONTEMPT, AND APATHY TO PUSH OTHER PEOPLE AWAY FROM HIM.

DON’T GIVE IN TO A HOPELESS TEEN’S ATTEMPTS TO PUSH YOU AWAY. IT TAKES A SPECIAL KIND OF WILLINGNESS TO MEET A TEEN WHERE HE IS – ESPECIALLY WHEN HE PUSHES YOU AWAY.

YOU MAY HAVE TO SET ASIDE YOUR OWN NEEDS AND FEELINGS IN ORDER TO BRING LIGHT INTO HIS SITUATION. SO OFFER YOURSELF IN WAYS TO LET HIM KNOW THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HE CAN DO TO MAKE YOU GO AWAY. EVEN IF IT MEANS QUIETLY SITTING NEXT TO HIM FOR A TIME. KEEP SHOWING HIM THAT YOU ARE READY TO LISTEN AND WILL ALWAYS LOVE HIM.

HOPELESSNESS AND DESPAIR ARE FEELINGS OFTEN CORRECTED THROUGH COUNSEL OR MEDICATION. SO, DON’T WAIT TO SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP, AND DON’T ALLOW YOUR TEEN TO EVER PUSH YOU AWAY.

What to Tell Your Teen (3-30-2009)

WHEN YOUR TEEN IS OLD ENOUGH TO TAKE ON PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY, IT’S TIME TO LET HIM KNOW YOU’RE NO LONGER GOING TO BABY HIM.

BEGINNING IN THE EARLY TEEN YEARS, IT’S APPROPRIATE FOR A PARENT TO BEGIN WEANING A CHILD FROM YOU DOING EVERYTHING FOR THEM.

SO LET IT BE KNOWN – “I’M NO LONGER GOING TO DO YOUR LAUNDRY; I’M NO LONGER GOING TO GET YOU OUT OF BED EVERY MORNING; I WILL NO LONGER DO YOUR CHORES; I’M NOT GOING TO CLEAN YOUR ROOM ANYMORE.” FOR THE OLDER TEEN, IT MAY BE “I THINK IT’S TIME YOU PAID FOR THE GAS IN YOUR CAR AND YOUR INSURANCE.”

GET THE POINT? STOP DOING SOME THINGS, SO YOUR CHILD CAN START DOING THEM AND LEARN FROM TAKING ON THESE RESPONSIBILITIES. YOU STOP – YOUR TEEN STARTS, AND TAKES ONE MORE STEP TOWARD BECOMING A MATURE ADULT.

Teen Reality Treatment (3-27-2009)

SOMETIMES A TEEN WHO IS OUT OF CONTROL NEEDS TO HEAR THE MESSAGE, “WE’RE NOT GOING TO LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE.”WHEN A TEEN REALIZES HE IS IN JEOPARDY OF LOSING THE COMFORTS OF HOME IF HE CONTINUES IN HIS INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR, IT MAY BE THE WAKE-UP CALL HE NEEDS TO MAKE SOME CHANGES.

YOUR TEEN WON’T LIKE THE FACT THAT YOU ARE CALLING A HALT TO HIS INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR, OR FORCING HIM TO FACE HIMSELF…BUT THAT DOESN’T MATTER. JUST SENDING THE MESSAGE CAN HELP HIM REALIZE HE HAS A PROBLEM.

WHETHER A WILDERNESS PROGRAM OR BOOT CAMP OR A RELATIONAL THERAPY PROGRAM LIKE OURS AT HEARTLIGHT, SOMETIMES JUST MENTIONING YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO SEND THEM TO LIVE CAN BE A WAKE-UP CALL TO THE REBELLIOUS TEENAGER.

Bad News From Your Teen (3-26-2009)

IF YOU EVER GET NEWS THAT YOUR TEENAGER HAS DONE SOMETHING REALLY BAD, LET ME ASSURE YOU — YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT, AND GOD WILL HELP YOU THROUGH IT. I’VE SEEN GOD CHANGE WHAT MANY WOULD THINK IS THE WORST SITUATION INTO A WONDERFUL OPPORTUNITY. ONCE THE SHOCK WEARS OFF, IT’S NORMAL FOR PARENTS TO FEAR FOR THE TEEN’S FUTURE.

MY ENCOURAGEMENT IS TO ALWAYS CONSIDER YOUR CHOICES WISELY, WITH COUNSEL FROM GODLY FRIENDS. ALLOW THE FULL FORCE OF CONSEQUENCES TO BE THE TEACHER, WHILE YOU BE THE SUPPORTER.

AND REMEMBER THIS…GOD MAKES GOOD ON HIS PROMISE TO WORK ALL THINGS TOGETHER FOR GOOD – IN HIS TIME. HE CAN BE TRUSTED WITH THE OUTCOMES OF EVEN THE MOST SHOCKING EVENTS.

Teen Peer Pressure (3-25-2009)

A 104-YEAR-OLD WOMAN WAS ONCE ASKED ABOUT THE BENEFITS OF HER AGE. HER WITTY REPLY WAS – IF YOU ARE 104, THERE IS NO PEER PRESSURE!

TEENS TODAY MIGHT SAY THAT THEY EXPERIENCE JUST AS MUCH PRESSURE FROM THEIR PARENTS AS THEY DO FROM THEIR PEERS. PRESSURE MOUNTS FROM BOTH SIDES, WITH THE TEEN STUCK IN THE MIDDLE.

PARENTS CAN HELP BY OFFERING THEIR TEEN A PLACE OF REFUGE FAR FROM THE PRESSURES OF A WORLD SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL. NO MATTER WHAT YOUR TEEN DOES OR DOESN’T DO, THEY SHOULD BE TOLD DAILY THAT YOU LOVE THEM REGARDLESS.

IT’S THE KIND OF LOVE THAT PEERS CANNOT MATCH, AND IT’S THE STRONGEST WAY THAT YOU AS A PARENT CAN ENCOURGE YOUR TEEN TO FEND OFF INAPPROPRIATE PEER PRESSURE.

Tough Times for Teens (3-24-2009)

WHILE SCRIPTURE ENCOURAGES ME TO LOOK AT THINGS IN LIFE WITH THE EYES OF MY HEART, I TEND TO LOOK AT THINGS WITH THE EYES ON EITHER SIDE OF MY HEAD.

IT IS EASY TO GET SO FOCUSED ON PROBLEMS THAT YOU FORGET TO TAKE A WIDER PERSPECTIVE OF WHAT YOUR TEEN NEEDS AMIDST THEIR STRUGGLE. IF YOU STARE AT THEIR PROBLEMS LONG ENOUGH, IT CAN MAKE YOU CROSS-EYED!

PARENTS ANXIOUS TO HELP A TEEN THROUGH A TOUGH TIME NEED TO TAKE A STEP BACK AND SEE THE CONFUSED CONDITION MOST TEENS ARE IN THESE DAYS – WEARY AND HEAVY LADEN, AND OFFER THEM A SENSE OF REST AND REFRESHMENT INSTEAD.

YOUR RELATIONSHIP CAN BECOME THAT PLACE OF REST FOR YOUR CHILD BY FOCUSING ON THEIR PROBLEMS NOT ONLY WITH THE EYES IN YOUR HEAD, BUT WITH THE EYES OF YOUR HEART AS WELL.

Step-Family Teen Problems (3-23-2009)

KIDS IN STEP-FAMILIES RESULTING FROM DIVORCE CAN FANTASIZE THAT IF THEIR BIRTH PARENTS HAD JUST STAYED TOGETHER…EVERYTHING WOULD BE BETTER.

DIVORCE CAN HAVE A LONG-RANGING RIPPLE EFFECT ON CHILDREN — LIKE A STONE THROWN INTO A POND — THERE IS A MAJOR SPLASH AND THEN MANY, MANY RIPPLES.

STEP-PARENTS WOULD DO WELL TO UNDERSTAND THIS WHEN A TEENAGER SEEMS TO BE DISPLAYING UNUSUALLY DISRESPECTFUL OR DEPRESSED BEHAVIOR. A COUNSELOR CAN HELP THE TEEN PROCESS AND DEAL WITH THEIR FEELINGS ABOUT HAVING A NEW FAMILY.

WHILE MOST KIDS ARE PRETTY RESILIENT, SOME KIDS MAY CARRY NEGATIVE FEELINGS INTO THEIR OWN RELATIONSHIPS AND EVEN THEIR OWN MARRIAGE, CONTINUING THE RIPPLE EFFECT INTO THE NEXT GENERATION.

Parental Roles (3-20-2009)

PARENTS TEND TO PLAY DIFFERENT ROLES IN HELPING THEIR CHILDREN FIND A SENSE OF SIGNIFICANCE AND SECURITY.

MOMS INSTILL A SENSE OF VALUE IN A CHILD, WHILE DADS TEND TO VALIDATE IT. MOMS SHOW CARE AND CONCERN, AND DADS TEND TO SHOW APPROVAL.

ON THE FLIP SIDE, MOMS SOMETIMES OVER-ENGAGE AND OVER-PROTECT. WHILE DADS TEND TO DISENGAGE AND DISAPPROVE. MOMS TEND TO NURSE THE RELATIONSHIP ALONG. DADS TEND TO THROW UP THEIR HANDS IN DESPAIR WHEN THEY DON’T KNOW HOW TO FIX IT.

WHEN A MOM OR DAD IS ABSENT OR INCAPABLE OF DELIVERING THE PROPER SENSE OF VALUE, A CHILD WILL SEEK VALIDATION FROM SOMETIMES INAPPROPRIATE INFLUENCES. SO, EVEN IF ONE PARENT IS ABSENT, LOOK FOR WAYS TO DEVELOP POSITIVE INFLUENCE IN YOUR CHILD’S LIFE, OFFSETTING AND COMPLEMENTING YOUR OWN PARENTAL ROLE.

Teen Truths (3-19-2009)

A SAGE ONCE SAID, “NEVER ANSWER A QUESTION THAT THE QUALITY OF YOUR LIFE HAS NOT PROVOKED SOMEONE ELSE TO ASK.”

WHEN YOUR KIDS LOOK AT YOUR LIFE, DO THEY SEE SOMETHING APPEALING AND WORTH EMULATING? IS YOUR LIFE ATTRACTIVE IN THE WAY YOU TREAT OTHERS AND HOW THEY LOOK UP TO YOU?

THE QUALITIES OF YOUR OWN LIFE CAN SHOUT A LOT OF TRUTH TO YOUR TEENAGER. AND A TEENAGER CAN SHOUT ANOTHER KIND OF TRUTH TO A PARENT WHEN THEY FERRET OUT HYPOCRACY IN THEIR PARENT’S LIFE.

TEENAGERS CAN RESORT TO INAPPROPRIATE AND IMMATURE METHODS OF PROCLAIMING TRUTH TO A PARENT, BUT THE MESSAGE THEY BRING IS SOMETHING WELL WORTH LISTENING TO.

God’s Direction for Your Teen (3-18-2009)

YOU MIGHT BE WONDERING WHAT GOOD THAT GOD IS DOING IN YOUR TEEN’S LIFE, WHEN NOTHING GOOD SEEMS TO BE HAPPENING AT ALL. WE GET SO LOST IN THE IMMEDIATE, THAT WE CAN FORGET THAT HE SEES THE BIGGER PICTURE. HE CAN EVEN USE OUR STRUGGLES WITH A TEEN TO WORK TO HIS OWN GOOD.

SOMETIMES IT IS NOT UNTIL WE ARE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MESS, THAT WE REALIZE HOW DEARLY WE ARE LOVE BY GOD. HE CAN EVEN USE MOMENTS OF PAIN — INCLUDING PAIN IN OUR PARENTING — TO MOVE US INTO A DEEPER RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM.

SO, LOOK FOR OPPORTUNITIES WITHIN YOUR PARENTING STRUGGLES TODAY TO GROW CLOSER TO GOD AND HIS WILL.