Counteracting Teen Selfishness (12-31-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

A good way to counteract selfishness and financial foolishness in a teenager is to teach them to give of themselves and their finances to others in need.

Every teenager needs to experience helping the less fortunate. Wise parents will periodically take them to the local mission to volunteer in the food line. They’ll require that they sponsor a needy child with their own money. Or they’ll visit and help kids in poor neighborhoods or countries where the children there have nothing and are appreciative of everything.

When teenagers interact with others who are helpless and in desperate need, they soon realize and appreciate how fortunate they really are and how important it is for them to manage their own money and their own future.

Keep It In Check (12-30-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

In a world where parents indulge their kids with everything they want, it would seem that these kids would be especially grateful. Instead, a generation has become selfish, self-centered, and unprepared for real life.

Many parents lavishly give material things to their kids. Some say it is their “right” to spoil their kids — and there is truth to that. The truth is not as much regarding the parent’s rights, but that, yes, it will spoil their kids!

Unbridled spending on kids can lead to selfish attitudes and feelings of entitlement, immaturity, irresponsibility, and selfishness.

I know it’s tough for loving parents to limit their giving of material things to their children, but they’d be wise to keep it in check.

Helping Teens Solve Problems (12-29-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Since teens are somewhat limited in their ability to solve problems, they need parents who will demonstrate how they solve their own problems.

Teens often don’t have the maturity to unravel life’s bigger issues, and they don’t understand how to change their behavior in order to help themselves.

That’s where a wise parent comes in. Demonstrating your own resources for managing frustration is one good way to teach your teen how to handle their own:

• Tell them how you go about solving problems at work, or with your spouse.
• Let them know you need and daily seek God’s help, and that you don’t have all the answers.

Ruling Versus Rulemaking (12-28-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Which kind of home is yours? One that has rules or one that is ruled?

Rules should fall into three main areas of concern which are foundational to all other character issues. They are: honesty, obedience, and respect.

When you think about the rules that govern your home, you might want to ask yourself two questions. The first is, “How much will this rule matter after I am gone or when the child is out on his own?” The second is, “Will this help build my child’s character and cause him to become more mature or responsible?”

Reasonable rulemaking and proper boundaries will help your teenager mature into a confident adult. On the other hand, living under a “ruler” can lead to frustration, rebellion and eroded self-esteem.

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WEEKLY: We’ll Keep the Light On for You (12-26-2009)

WEEKEND PROGRAM SUMMARY:

For many parents of teens, 2009 was a tough year. But now, as you enjoy a holiday break with the family, take this opportunity to make some changes for 2010.

Stops and Starts (12-25-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Parents dealing with an out of control teenager tell me that they’ve tried everything they can think of, but I tell them it may be time for them to stop everything.

God often uses a troubled teen to bring about change in the life of a parent as well. And that can involve stopping one behavior while starting another…

Here’s what I tell them:

Stop lecturing… And start listening

Stop worrying… And start praying

Stop frowning… And start laughing

Stop reacting… And start responding

Stop punishing… And start disciplining

Stop ruling… And start enforcing

Stop teaching… And start trusting

Stop talking… And start hearing

If you are at a crossroads, be sure you come to a complete stop, before you start a new and better direction.

Christmas Gifts (12-24-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Christmas is a celebration of God’s endless love, though we surely don’t deserve it.

Scripture is absent a parenting manual, but we are given the best role model of parenting through the example of our Heavenly Father. He’s quick to offer grace while also sure to discipline us. He never stops loving us, even when we are at our worst.

Likewise, we parents are never more godly than when we allow our children to experience the consequences of their choices, while loving them unconditionally at the same time.

Of all the gifts ever given your children, your love and your strong parenting will be what’s appreciated most when they become parents themselves. So, keep on parenting.

From the Parenting Today’s Teens and Heartlight family to yours, may this Christmas be a time of grace, peace and love in your home.

–Mark

Adoption’s Example (12-23-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

I believe adoption is the best example of godliness, so I work with and encourage adoption organizations who match needy kids with great parents.

God is the ultimate authority on adoption, and I firmly believe that His hand is in every single one. Because I believe God maneuvers children into families, I also believe God is prepared to help adopted parents know what to do when their adopted child reaches the teen years, when struggles can arise.

God demonstrates adoption in the ways He has taken those of us who trust him into His own family and under His care. He understands, forgives and disciplines us. His gracious parenting style is the best example for any parent to emulate, especially those considering adoption.

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Adoption Stability (12-22-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Some adopted kids struggle in the teen years as they seek answers to who they are, why their birth parents gave them up, and what it means for their future.

It hurts when a teenager rebels; especially when it’s an adopted child. But responding negatively or threatening abandonment is a recipe for disaster. And so is trying to fix the problem by giving the child more “things,” or more freedoms than they should have.

When adopted kids struggle, they mostly need time and stability as they work through their identity issues. They need to know their new family won’t give up on them, no matter what they do. And they’ll sometimes even get in trouble just to test their adopted parent’s love and perseverance.

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Adoption Grace (12-21-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Parents of adopted kids are expressing grace by the very act of adoption, but they may be called on to exhibit even more grace in the teen years.

It is not unusual for adopted kids to face struggles in adolescence. The tussle involves a quest for identity and seeking answers for why they were given up by their birth mother.

If you’re an adoptive parent, understand that your teen’s behavior at this stage usually isn’t rebellion, nor lack of appreciation or love for you. Stick to your parenting and weather the storm, taking care not to break the relationship. Before long, your teenager will come around and appreciate you more than ever.

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WEEKLY: Christmas Stress in the Family (12-19-2009)

WEEKLY PROGRAM SUMMARY:

If your teen is struggling, you know that Christmastime can be a very tense season. On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston gives counsel to families who find that slowing down to enjoy the holidays can bring more pain than joy.

A Better Way to Listen to Your Teen (12-18-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

I recently spoke to a group of parents who seemed more interested in talking than listening to what I had to say.

Teens often feel the same sense of frustration as I had in that meeting. Trying to talk to mom or dad, they can’t get a word in edgewise, or their parents too quickly jump to a conclusion, so the teen just gives up trying.

Here’s a better way to listen…

First, stop what you are doing and look your teenager in the eyes. Then, wait a few seconds before you talk, in case they haven’t said all they need to say. And finally, make your responses mostly questions, not answers, to keep them talking.

If your teenager isn’t listening to you, perhaps it’s because you’ve not been listening to them.

An End to Parenting Anxiety (12-17-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Do you fear your wayward teen will make you appear like a parenting failure?

Psalms 139 says, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts.”

It is often difficult to admit to others, and even to God, that you are facing a terrible family problem, for fear that it will somehow appear to be your fault. But finding a safe haven of helpful advisors can make all the difference in coping with your difficult teen. They can reveal areas that may need to change, and help you find solutions.

Exposing the problem with your wayward teenager to godly counsel can calm your anxiety and put you and your teen on a road to recovery.

Pain’s Megaphone (12-16-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Pain usually appears in response to our own foolishness. This is true in parenting as well.

CS Lewis once said, “Pain is God’s megaphone to a deaf world.”

Pain can be one of God’s greatest creations, because it shows us things we need to do differently.

For instance, in all of your pain while trying to turn around your teenager, you might want to consider that God has something more in store than what you can come up with on your own. He may even be revealing a change you need to make yourself, before a change will come in your teenager.

So heed the pain in your life right now. And pray for what God may be trying to show you through it, not just your teen.

Calm In The Midst Of The Storm (12-15-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

When a teen is in trouble, they need to trust that their parent will be calm and open to discuss it, even as the consequences are applied.

James 1:9 says, “… be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. “

Teenagers sometimes want to tell their parents they’re in trouble, but are too afraid how they’ll react. They know they deserve consequences for their actions, but they don’t need a lot of anger with it. They may even need the parent’s help, but are too afraid to ask.

You’d do well to let go of your anger when your teenager has mishaps. Apply the consequences, but understand that it is an opportunity to talk, not an opportunity to criticize. Harsh words only cut off communication.

Have Fun With Your Teen (12-14-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Is there something that your teen really likes to do, that you can do together?

Organized and group events are great, but parents should look for fun things they can do individually with their teenager. It doesn’t have to be expensive. It may not even be what you’d ever think of doing yourself…like skateboarding, or going to the local arcade, but you can do it with your teenager.

Even if you cannot skateboard yourself, maybe you can help make a ramp or take your video camera to shoot your teen doing their skating tricks.

When you take time for such outings -– just the two of you — it shows your teen that you value them, and it opens up priceless opportunities to communicate.

WEEKLY: Leading Your Lost Teen Home (12-12-2009)

WEEKLY HALF-HOUR PROGRAM SUMMARY:

Can you tell the difference between a teen who is rebelling and a teen who’s lost his way? Often they look very similar. On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston helps moms and dads discern if their teen is lost… and how to help him find his way home.

Special Guest: Jim Burns, Ph.D., President of HomeWord is the host of the HomeWord with Jim Burns radio program. He is the author of many resources including books on marriage and family.

Weekly Contact (12-11-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

One of my best pieces of advice is this… establish a habit of taking your teen out for a one on one breakfast or coffee once a week, and begin this practice now.

I believe spending individual time with a teenager is so important, parents even need to make it a condition of giving allowance, or allowing their teen a later curfew on a Friday night.

Even if they resist, you must insist. Even if you’re busy, make it a priority.

Though it may be difficult at first, and your teen may not say much the first few weeks, spending time together once a week will become the foundation your relationship.

Begin this practice this week and I promise you, you’ll thank me for recommending it.

Prayers for a Prodigal (12-10-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

How would you pray if your teenager is choosing a self-destructive, sinful lifestyle and nothing you do is making a difference?

When a teenager is out of control, parents need to admit that only God can bring him back to his senses, which could include an uncomfortable correction in his life.

I tell parents to pray that their teen won’t be able to hide his deeds, but that the full consequences will be experienced and learned from now, before adulthood.

Tough love applies to how you pray as well as how you act. Asking God to reveal your teenager’s disobedience may mean that he spends time in jail, or gets kicked out of school, but that may be the correction he needs before his misbehavior ruins his entire life.

Intentionally Teaching Character (12-09-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

The Bible teaches that each of us is fearfully and wonderfully made. But children aren’t ready-made adults. Character has to be taught and learned.

While kids learn a lot about reading, writing and arithmetic in school, and they learn about the Bible and right and wrong in church, parents have a unique role in teaching them character.

Think of your teen as an adult in training…a novice who needs you, the master, to teach them about life and put them in situations where their character can be molded and strengthened.

Character will be learned, but hopefully not from the real “characters” in your child’s life. So, begin this week setting up an intentional character-training agenda for your teenager.

Lost in the Translation (12-08-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

If you really want to communicate with your teen, you have to understand their language. But all too often their true meaning can be lost in the translation.

Words don’t mean what they used to. For example, “sick” once meant something is bad, but now it means it is good. Things we referred to as “cool”, then “hot,” are now “fly”. And speaking of flying things,” tweets” used to be something a bird does and “I hate you” wasn’t a sometimes affectionate term.

To understand what your teenager is saying may mean having to ask, “What does that word or phrase mean?” And keep up on the abbreviations used in their texting, not only to understand your teen’s messages to you, but also their messages to others.

But For The Grace Of God (12-07-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Is there a family you know who is struggling with a wayward teenager? You might want to put yourself in their shoes.

Embarrassed parents will often isolate themselves and not seek help when their teen spins out of control. The struggle can take a toll on the whole family and even lead to its demise.

The best way to help such families is to be a listening ear and to let them know that teens can spin out of control in any family, regardless of how much they were loved or how well they were parented.

After all, “There but for the grace of God go I.” You, too, may someday be dealing with a struggling teen and need the support and understanding of others.

WEEKLY: Map and Compass for Your Teen (12-05-2009)

WEEKEND HALF-HOUR PROGRAM SUMMARY:

Do you feel lost? Are your kids in an unknown landscape? As parents, we’re called on to provide the moral compass for our teens and, therefore, we need to know what that looks like.

Special Guest: Dyonette “Dee Dee” Mayer — a licensed clinical social worker who has been committed to both the emotional and spiritual health of women, children, marriage and families for nearly 20 years.

A True Friend (12-04-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

Proverbs 18:24 says, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

A teenage resident at Heartlight named Bobby once told me, “Heartlight taught me all about adversity, and growing up, and more importantly, I found a real friend there, who is more like a true brother.”

We can all consider Jesus to be our best and truest friend, who sticks closer than a brother. He is that rare blend of encouragement and strength, who touches the heart where it hurts. He is the one in whom there is full assurance of help in times of adversity, and the one who is both ready to listen and to save.

Three Character Qualities (12-03-2009)

TODAY’S SCRIPT:

There are three character qualities every parent wants for their child – they are to grow up to be a competent, caring, and self-controlled adult.

Competence comes from parents giving teens more responsibility for their own choices and putting them in situations where responsibility is expected and modeled.

Caring comes from parents modeling what it means to be caring, including helping others who are less fortunate and being respectful of other people’s feelings.

And self-control is best taught by parents enacting and keeping limits in their own lives.

So, you might want to take the focus off your teen, and see what you are doing to teach your teen to be competent, caring and self-controlled.