Teen Struggles (2-09-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

If you are having struggles with your teenager, don’t view it as parental failure, but as an opportunity to trust God and learn more.

Struggles create opportunities for families to strengthen and lean on God, not on their own understanding. The way in which you face the struggle is a far better measure of good parenting than whether you struggle or not.

As your teen gets older, shift your parenting role from navigator to trusted tour guide. And when they get off track or appear to be lost, don’t respond with anger, fear or anxiety. Instead, lovingly but firmly help them find their way back on the right path.

Hidden Causes of Teen Problems (02-08-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Mom and dad had no idea their young son was being sexually abused by a friend of the family. On the surface, their child had become angry, irritable, and depressed. They thought he was just being rebellious.

When a teen starts traveling down the wrong road, there may be shocking underlying causes, like abuse, drug use, hormonal imbalances or even bullying in school. So a parent too quick to label their misbehavior “rebellious” might miss the true heart of what’s going on and push the teen even further into despair.

If the behavior you see is unusual for your teenager, look for hidden causes. And spend more time connecting with your teen, seeking professional counsel if help is needed to reveal the problem’s source.

Reminder:  our next Families in Crisis workshop is Feb 18-20.  Learn more at http://www.familycrisisconference.com.

WEEKLY: FamilyLife Today II (2-06-2010)

WEEKLY HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

The second half of a rebroadcast of Mark Gregston’s interview on FamilyLife Today with Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine.  On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark brings a family to tell their story of teen heartache and healing.

God’s Exciting Plan For Me (2-5-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

When I look back at my own life, my work, and my daily fulfilling God’s purpose for my life . . . I get excited all over again.

I grew up believing that God has a plan for my life. So, I grasped that promise and listened to God’s call, finding my purpose in helping teenagers. I’m daily reassured of His presence, I love His involvement, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am living at the center of His will.

Do you have that same assurance? There’s no place more comforting and fulfilling than to be squarely in the center of God’s will, living a life of purpose. And for teens, there’s no better time to launch a purposeful direction in life, than right now.

Purposeful Tears And Goosebumps (2-4-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Helen Keller was blind, but she lived life with purpose. She said, “Many people have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.”

A good place for a teenager to begin the search for a worthy purpose is to understand that purpose has to do with serving God and others, not one’s self. It can be found in applying their talents to activities that give them goose bumps or a tear in their eye when they think about them.

I am convinced that if more kids knew their true purpose, they’d have fewer struggles in the teen years. They’d feel a sense of meaning. They’d know where they are headed and concentrate on getting there.

Important Question For Teens (2-3-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

“What’s my purpose?” may be the most important question your teenager will ever ask in this lifetime. So, what are you doing to help your teen find their purpose?

A parent’s goal should be to help their teen uncover their own talents, their strengths, their values, and their passion. How? By experiencing new things and developing a plan – any plan, even if it is just a first step. Doing so will help them live life with intent.

As for me, I stand on His promises, I’m assured of His presence, I love His involvement, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am living in the center of His purpose for my life. Is your teen living life with the same assurance?

Finding God’s Purpose (2-2-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Nothing matters more than your teen knowing God’s purpose for their life.

Knowing your purpose gives meaning to your life and each step along the way. It motivates you to prepare, to save yourself for that purpose, and to avoid anything that might get in the way. Knowing your purpose simplifies your life and removes confusion.

Sounds like the perfect remedy for aimless and confused teenagers, right?

It’s comforting for teens to know that God has a perfect game plan that will fit them like a glove if they will only seek it. So help them find God’s purpose in their life. It begins with understanding their God-given talents and matching them with a vocation that’s true to their heart.

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Learn about the Families in Crisis Conference (Feb 18-20): http://www.familycrisisconference.com

Teens Seeking Purpose (2-1-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

As kids mature in the teen years, they begin searching for meaning in life and purpose for living.

One of the most important life questions your teen will begin wrestling with is: “Why am I here?” Or “What’s my purpose on this earth?” Without a purpose, life becomes trivial and motion without meaning.

Parents can help their teens discover their gifts and find their purpose by giving them plenty of opportunities to participate in new experiences to stretch their wings.

Remember, God doesn’t give all the details at once, nor does He promise it will be a smooth ride. Instead, He often provides just enough information to help us move another mile down the road. So, teach your teen to watch for the road signs along the way.

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Join us for our next Families in Crisis retreat, coming up February 18-20.

WEEKLY: Megan’s Story (1-30-2010)

WEEKLY PROGRAM SUMMARY:

George and Olivia Dunklin enrolled their daughter, Megan, to live at Heartlight for a year. On this program they tell their emotional story of what behaviors in their teenager led them to that difficult decision. This is a rebroadcast of Mark Gregston’s interview on FamilyLife Today with Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine.

Teen Stress Test (1-29-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

It’s good to teach your teenager how to best cope with the stresses of everyday life.

Teenagers today say they have more stress, but they don’t know how to handle it very well. So, take some time to teach them.

First, if your teenager has too busy a schedule, help them cut out something. They may not know that’s even an option. Explain the need for occasional breaks and exercise. Let them know they can always talk to you about any matter. And be honest about your own stresses, like finances and jobs, since teens tend to think the worse when they aren’t informed.

Finally, work at bringing some humor and fun into your home, including scheduling regular fun outings together.

Handling Teen Discipline (1-28-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

When your teenager messes up, and they will, how do you go about handling it?

First, don’t let anger get in the way of fulfilling your role as a parent. Remember, anger is the result of your own thinking or hurt feelings, not what your teenager is doing.

Speak truthfully and always use the past tense when talking about their behavior. For example, say, “you lied” rather than saying, “you always lie.” In that way you are talking about it as a past mistake that can be corrected versus a character flaw.

Then, once you have examined your child’s actions and applied the appropriate consequences, don’t bring it up again. Forgiveness helps your teenager learn to also forgive himself and move on to better behavior.

Love Is Never To Be Bargained With (1-27-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Some parents feel that they can wield their relationship and their love as a club to keep their children in line. I strongly disagree.

I believe that teens should spend the night in jail when they get in trouble, pay their own fines, suffer consequences for irresponsibility, and learn the hard way from their immature choices.

But I also strongly believe that the threat of losing a relationship with their parents should never be a bargaining tool or used as a weapon. God calls us to love our children in the midst of their sin.

Yes, know what you believe and where you stand. But don’t ever reject the one whom God has placed in your life for a reason.

Teen Rebellion True Or False (1-26-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

The old saying, “You can’t judge a book by its cover,” applies to teens who seem to be going through a phase of rebellious behavior.

Many teens are incorrectly labeled as “rebels” by parents or authorities because they are displaying the same inappropriate behavior as the truly rebellious kids. They appear to be rebellious, but they’re really just responding to pain or losses in their life by waving a big red flag and hoping someone will notice.

Therefore, wise parents will handle rebellion by first uncovering and then putting a stop to whatever is causing the pain in their life. Should a teen’s clumsy actions be misunderstood and mishandled by insensitive parents, it can fuel the fires of true rebellion.

Teen Freedom, Sooner (1-25-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

To show your teenager you’re really on their side, begin talking about ways to give them more freedoms.

Periodically talk to your teen about ways for them to gain more freedom and independence, right along with more responsibilities. They’ll welcome the challenge, and you’ll also be able to share the boundaries and consequences for stepping over the line. If you just can’t give up control of some areas now, tell them to show their trustworthiness by working on those areas first. That will also keep them accountable.

It may not feel like it’s time to begin loosening the reins at age 13 or 14, but if done right and with clear boundaries, it is better to do it a little early than too late.

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WEEKLY: Iceberg or Ice Cube? (1-23-2010)

HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:

Many parents look at the inappropriate behavior of their teen and overestimate the situation. On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston helps mom and dads distinguish between small issues and massive problems that are hidden beneath the surface. Special guest Jim Burns, Ph.D., President of HomeWord is the host of the HomeWord with Jim Burns radio program. He is the author of many resources including books on marriage and family.

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Fixing Parental Mistakes (1-22-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Parents can sometimes make mistakes in what they say or do, and like large stones thrown into a pond, their actions ripple out and can cause rebellion in the life of their teenager.

A rebellious teen can be seething with anger, and the key to changing their unacceptable behavior is to get to the root of that anger. But it’s sometimes the parents’ own cutting words, actions, or even their inaction, that are the catalyst for their teen’s anger. In that case, improvements usually won’t come about until the parents accept responsibility and sincerely apologize to the teen.

When you know you’ve wronged your teen, saying “I’m sorry” can calm the ripples your mistake has made in your teen’s life and reverse their rebellious behavior.

Teens Need To Belong (1-21-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

To “belong” is your child’s underlying goal, so how you approach them about misbehavior can make all the difference.

I often tell parents to be discerning of the moment. When a teenager expects anger and punishment, maybe give them a big hug instead. Remember, the behavior may be bad, but the child isn’t. Underneath their sometimes abrasive exterior, they want to belong. And if they don’t feel like they “belong” at home, they’ll seek out other places to belong.

Never make a child feel as though they are an outsider in your family, no matter how badly they act. Being your child’s parent means to both hand out consequences for bad behavior, and to also offer plenty of love, acceptance and “belonging” at the same time.

Ask Your Teen Lots Of Questions (1-20-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

If parents asked more questions of teens, problems wouldn’t escalate into disasters.

I have found that parents don’t ask enough questions. Perhaps that’s because they just don’t believe that babysitters, relatives, step-children or even teachers will abuse their child. And they don’t think their teenager will ever use drugs, become sexually involved, think of suicide or shoplift. But wise parents understand that these can happen, and they are always on the lookout.

The power of asking questions is amazing. So get the conversation going by asking, “What’s the best thing that happened to you today?” Then, “What’s the worst?” And give your teen your undivided attention a few minutes every day, constantly assuring them that they can always express themselves freely to you about anything.

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Touch Your Teen’s Heart (1-19-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

If a teenager shares what is on her heart, and a parent misses it by not really listening, that’s when she’ll quit sharing altogether.

Teens want someone who will listen to them.  If your teen is in the shutdown mode, there is a reason.  And that may be that you don’t listen to what’s really being said.

Dads may hear the words, but what’s unsaid and the visual clues usually don’t make it through their logical filter. So, dad’s, it’s time to change the filters.  Sit down with your teen in a setting conducive to talking.  Try to focus on the heart of what’s being said, not the words and not the logic.

Just listen to your teen, and she just might open her heart to you.
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Stressed Out Teens (1-18-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Does your teenager seem more stressed out these days?

The American Psychological Association has found that a third of teenagers report feeling more stress this year than just a year ago; about family finances, over what comes after high school and about school in general. What’s more surprising is that their parents for the most part seem oblivious to their teenager’s stress levels.

Symptoms of stress can include: irritability, being sensitive to criticism, habits such as nail-biting, sleeping problems, substance abuse, indigestion, loss of concentration, and headaches.

Does that sound like your teen? If so, you can help by ensuring you home is a refuge not a battle ground, and by encouraging them to talk about the stresses in their life.

WEEKLY: Missed Opportunities (1-16-2010)

WEEKLY HALF-HOUR PROGRAM SUMMARY:

For parents, it’s easy to get distracted – even becoming too busy to notice what’s going on in a teen’s life.  Learn how to take advantage of the opportunity to make a change in your family . . .  on this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens with Mark Gregston.

Buttering Up Your Teen (1-15-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

A positive word, hug or smile every day may be all it takes to propel your teenager to success.

According to former pastor and leading business author John C. Maxwell, “Man does not live on bread alone: sometimes he needs a little buttering up!”

Teens need “buttering up” more than anyone else. Words they would benefit from hearing more often are: “Thanks! You really made a difference,” or, “I couldn’t have done it better myself,” or, “I enjoyed working on that with you.”

And be on the lookout for improvements to praise, not just the successes. You can even make encouragement a family thing by asking everyone at dinner to name 3 things each family member either does well or has improved.

Teens And The Here And Now (1-14-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Teenagers tend to think in terms of the here and now, not lifelong consequences for their actions.

Why do kids take unnecessary risks? It’s because they rarely think about the future. That’s why it’s important for parents to point out short term consequences for doing wrong.

For instance, saying, “Smoking makes you cough and your clothes and will breath smell bad” is actually more of a deterrent than saying, “You could die someday from cancer.” And with alcohol, saying, “It can make you do stupid things you’ll regret, and you’ll lose your license if we find out” are more persuasive than saying, “It could eventually ruin your liver.”

So, be sure to think in the here and now when warning your teenager. The future holds little meaning to them.

Argue Well With Your Teen (1-13-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

In some homes, arguing with parents isn’t allowed. But if done right, arguing can be good thing.

Conflict isn’t always bad. It can reveal things both you and your teen to deal with, but there are some do’s and don’ts of arguing.

The do’s are: always maintain respect, focus on the problem, be specific about your complaint, and find a way to compromise, if possible.

The don’ts are: no name-calling, no questioning motives, and no bringing up the past.

One person talks at a time, then the listener repeats the gist of what the other said before getting a turn. If respect breaks down, then stop to allow things to cool down before starting again. Learning how to argue respectfully is an important skill every teen needs to learn.

Take Care What You Say To Your Teen (1-12-2010)

PODCAST SCRIPT:

Did you know your teenager’s self-esteem is at least partly in your hands?

We all know that self-esteem is important, so here are a few ways you can build it in your teenager:

First, ask their opinion, and respect it, and make them feel more useful in your home by helping with some of the “adult” chores, like writing checks for the bills or making a dish for dinner. Don’t do for them what they can do for themselves; and allow them to overhear you praising them to others.

Fact is, what they “over-hear” is far more potent than what they are told directly, though they need to be told as well. Amazingly, even teenagers believe what their parents say, so be sure what you say builds them up.