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Teen Survival in a Sex-Crazed Culture

Today’s sexually-charged culture not only invites kids to inappropriate sexual activity and experimentation, it sets up an expectation of it. Those who are abstaining, even at a very young age, are now the exception rather than the rule.

The constant bombardment of sexual images and suggestive innuendo in our culture takes a toll on our kids, but it also takes a toll on parents. We want the best for our children, but it’s getting harder and harder to keep them within boundaries that will lead to a safe, happy and well-adjusted future marriage and adulthood. So, short of keeping them locked in their room until they are 18, maybe it is time we begin talking about it. >> Article continued…

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Teens Need to Belong

One of the most powerful influences on young people today is their need to belong—to fit in and to be accepted by those they consider to be their peers.

Research shows that the need to belong is growing as our culture fragments into smaller and smaller pieces and divorce fractures family units.  Belonging can’t be bought, it can’t be forced, but it can be taught, nurtured and modeled.  Why should a parent nurture their teen’s sense of belonging in their own family?  Because if they don’t, the teen will go on a quest to find belonging in all the wrong places.

While the powerful drive to belong can be a force for good if their peers are of good character, all too often it can lead a teen to emulate the more popular kids who are “characters”.  Teens may simply not know how to achieve a sense of belonging in a healthy way. They think they want an in with the “in” crowd, so they act and look just like them. It’s an odd combination, because at the same time they also want to be unique and independent. >> Article continued…

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The Over-Involved Parent

One of the most difficult things about parenting is to keep your level of involvement in balance as they get older and need more independence and less controlling.

I get asked a lot, “Am I doing enough for my teen?” “Am I doing too much?” “How do I tell the difference?” When it comes to parental involvement, there are two extremes.

On the one hand we have “helicopter parents.” These parents hover over their children so much that it can keep them from growing up. This is usually done with the best of intentions and motives, but not only does it hinder the maturing process, it frustrates the children as well. Helicopter parenting sends an inescapable message, “You are incapable of making good decisions, so I’m going to do it for you.” >> Article continued…

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Connecting with Your Teen

I read recently more 200,000 cell phone text messages are sent every minute–mostly by teenagers–which adds up to more than 6 trillion per year. That’s a staggering amount of “connecting” but it isn’t producing much in the way of real connection between parents and teens.

Like a new coat of paint slapped on to the surface of a sagging barn without making repairs to the structure, it may look impressive to see teens making so many text communications, but it’s not a real improvement. Kids are lonelier than ever.    That’s why parents today have a wonderful opportunity to reach their teens by making real and meaningful connections with them. They’re looking for it, frantically tapping keys with their thumbs, but they’re not finding it.  Let me share some tips with you. >> Article continued…

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7 Pillars of Healthy Conflict

When we’re in the middle of the struggle with a teen and the emotions are raging, it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel—or if we do see it, it may look a lot like an oncoming freight train.

In fact, nothing can be more disruptive in the home than a teenager going through a period of intense conflict with their parents. My dear friend, James McDonald says, “There’s no pain like family pain.”  Yet despite the troubles it can bring, conflict can be helpful and strengthen your relationship if it is handled right.  It is not a sign of disaster and failure—it’s a necessary part of progress toward maturity.  So, don’t back away from it…welcome it!

Let me share with you my Seven Pillars of Engaging in Healthy Conflict: >> Article continued…

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Teaching Teens Character

One of the most important things we parents can do is to teach our kids to make good choices.  But good choices can be counter-intuitive.  So, how can they be taught  when the immediate rewards are usually on the side of making bad choices?

Many parents fall into the trap of thinking that good character will happen by default or that someone else will teach it to their kids.  They may enroll their kids in a Christian school, take them to church, and encourage participation in the youth group.  They may seemingly do “all the right things” yet still find their children lacking in character as they become more independent. >> Article continued…

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Breaking the Cycle of Criticism

We learned it when we were young: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”  But it’s not true!

I can still vividly remember the harsh words said to me by a teacher in fourth grade, the cruel nicknames I was given in sixth grade, and the negative jabs of my father.  Those harsh words did hurt, and they stick with me still today.

As parents, the words we say to our kids matter a lot.  Even words spoken with the best of intentions can sometimes convey a message that is far more critical and negative than we intend.  And if your home becomes a place of constant negative criticism, the resulting insecurity in your teenager will either crush their spirit or hyper-inflate their longing for acceptance by others.  In other words, they will find someone (often a teen of the opposite sex) or a group of their peers who will not criticize them.  But those who offer them unconditional acceptance also tend to be those who are themselves disenfranchised–in other words, the kind of kids who can become a bad influence. >> Article continued…

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Discipline and Teenagers

A few years ago my mother said, “You know, you boys weren’t disciplined a whole lot growing up.”  I looked at my brother and he looked at me.  For a brief moment we wondered if Alzheimer’s was setting in.  That’s sure not the way we remember it!

Now I’m not saying we didn’t deserve it…in fact we probably deserved more than we got. But while there was indeed discipline, the style of discipline that we received from our father made it less effective than it could have been. His style was to simply whack us when we got out of line. Along with it came a lot of anger and yelling, and the whole family got upset. >> Article continued…

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Alcohol Abuse and Teens

Recently I read an article about a new trend in America—parents allowing their teens to drink at home. Apparently, the idea behind this is that drinking in the home setting will demystify alcohol and help the young people learn to drink responsibly.

Before I tell you what I think about that trend, let me share this fact with you. 11% of the alcohol consumed in the United States is consumed by underage kids. That’s a staggering statistic. Alcohol abuse among teens is becoming an enormous problem in America.

With that in mind, here is my comment on parents letting or even encouraging their teenagers to drink at home. With all the kindness and Christian charity this Texan can muster I ask these parents:  Are you nuts? If you follow that same line of thinking, then you’ll also allow them to have sex at home, take drugs at home, lie and cheat at home. That’s just crazy! >> Article continued…

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Encouraging Independence in Your Teen

“I can do this on my own!”  “I don’t need any help!”  “Quit treating me like a child!”  How do you respond to statements like these from your teenager?  Do they upset you, or do you see these as signs of a necessary process taking place?

Rather than viewing such words as a slap in the face from an ungrateful or rebellious child, I encourage you instead to view them as signs that your training is working and that your child is getting ready for adulthood. I’m not saying that anything goes as far as allowing disrespectful words or a really bad attitude, but we need understand that these statements are not inherently rebellious. Look behind the words to what is really going on; it may be that you are holding on too tightly and not giving them enough opportunity to assume responsibility. >> Article continued…