The Author of Reconciliation

This time of year can be rough for families who are dealing with a struggling teenager. Holidays are supposed to be joyous, not full of strife, so it can be difficult to know how to respond.

During moments of reflection afforded by time-off from work and school, we often examine our painful relationships with a spotlight instead of candlelight. We have time to think about and observe our family connections, our time together, and our traditions. It’s painful to ponder why things are not what we wanted or hoped they would be.   Continue Reading >>

A Journey to Hope

Pain is the pen that writes the song that calls us forth to dance. –Michael Card

Thanksgiving marks the beginning of the season when we celebrate life and the goodness of God. We give gifts, attend parties, and make an effort to spend time with family.

If all is well, we feel happy. But for those of us facing the holidays with a struggling teen, this time of year may bring more pain than bliss. After all, it is difficult to be joyful when the negative atmosphere in our home is in stark contrast to the happy and celebratory nature of the season.   Continue Reading >>

Unique Struggles for Adopted Teens

When it comes to having “unique issues,” adopted teens seem to have more than their share. When an adopted child struggles with the who and why of their adoption when they reach the teenage years, it can be more intense and emotionally charged adolescence than what is experienced by their non-adopted peers. Even though their struggles surround issues that are quite unique to their adoption, the right approach and understanding by the adoptive parents can make all the difference.   Continue Reading >>

Adopting for the Right Reasons

Every day hundreds of orphaned or unwanted children from around the world find welcome and love from men and women in the U.S. through adoption. Today, in honor of National Adoption Week, I want to applaud those who take on this role, and especially those who adopt children with disabilities, children of a different race, and older children. You are among today’s most brave and selfless heroes.   Continue Reading >>

Peace in Parenting At-Risk Teens

When your teen is spinning out of control it is frightening to think about the damage he may be doing to his future. But that’s just what we parents do…we worry about our child when we see the warning signs (grades dropping, hanging around with the wrong crowd, drug use, depression, defiance, sexual promiscuity). The unknown is always scary, but we cannot watch over our teenager every minute.

Are you dealing with a struggling teen in your home? Are emotions running high and hope running low? I’d like to offer you some advice to help you find peace in the midst of this struggle…   Continue Reading >>

Ending Family Chaos - Consequences

A sensible person learns by being corrected. –Proverbs 19:25b

If I asked, “Does your teen seem sensible?” Most parents would look at me cross-eyed, or ask me if I’ve lost my mind. Of course my teen isn’t sensible! Teens are wired for chaos and they spread it everywhere they go, including your home.

Our job as parents is to help our teenagers become sensible, as well as responsible and mature. The best way to help our teen move in that direction is to allow consequences to teach them when they make bad choices.

Teenagers won’t learn just from parental warnings. Most of us have tried that without much success. And unfortunately, one or both parents all too often cave in. We step in to lessen the consequences when Johnny or Julie gets in trouble. Each time we do so, a valuable lesson isn’t learned and a mistake is apt to be repeated.   Continue Reading >>

Ending Family Chaos - Rules

Most of us work for companies that have a policy manual. We follow the policies, since they are a requirement of enjoying the financial benefits and privileges of employment. From that we know what to expect, how to act, and how not to act if we want to keep our jobs. Likewise, the rules within your family Belief System will help each family member know what is expected of them, how to act, where the lines are drawn between right and wrong behavior, and the consequences for stepping over the line.   Continue Reading >>

Ending Family Chaos - Boundaries

Last week I wrote about the first step in developing a Belief System for Discipline for your home — to identify your basic beliefs. The next important step to avoid family chaos is to evaluate your personal Boundaries and how they relate to your beliefs. Boundaries define you. They are the fence posts placed around your behavior, or the delineation of how your beliefs are to be lived out . They are the “I will” and “I will not” statements that are the basis of your daily living and interaction with others. When they are defined, they help everyone in the family take responsibility for their own behavior, make their own choices, and know if they are headed into dangerous territory.   Continue Reading >>

Ending Family Chaos - Beliefs

When a teenager doesn’t know what is expected in your home, he does what seems right in his own eyes - and that’s a formula for chaos.

A good way to avoid chaos in the teenage years is to establish a Belief System for Discipline, which is a clear and undeniable plan for what is expected in your home. A Belief System for Discipline is all about positive training or reinforcement for dearly held beliefs but also includes what consequences to expect if the rules are broken or boundaries crossed. The root of the word discipline is “disciple” - and discipline for your teen is best characterized by positive training or discipling, just as we saw Christ demonstrate with his disciples.   Continue Reading >>

When Teens Shatter Your Dreams

A Discussion with Psychologist Dr. Larry Crabb

This week we traveled with some of our counseling staff to attend the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC) Annual Convention in Nashville. Our friend, Dr. Larry Crabb, spoke in the plenary session Thursday and he will also be joining us on our radio program this weekend. We were blessed by the insights of Dr. Crabb when we recorded the program, so I thought I’d let you know a little bit more about the broadcast and invite you to listen in.   Continue Reading >>

Parenting Teens with Grace

When a teenager’s behavior is way out of line, when he or she crosses established boundaries and offends us and makes us angry, it is easy to think he or she doesn’t deserve grace. But that may be exactly the right time to give it.

Grace - given at just the right moment - has the power to change the direction of any struggle, and may ultimately bring it to an end. Grace can bring healing, restoration, and redirect your teen’s path.   Continue Reading >>

Troubled Teen = Marital Trouble

Recently, on our Voice of Heartlight radio program, my guest Dr. Melody Rhode commented that the death of a child is such a catastrophic experience in the life of parents, it leads 90% of those marriages to fail. A shocking statistic, isn’t it?

In my years of working with thousands of struggling teens and their parents, I’ve learned that parents of troubled teens experience a similar sense of grief and loss, and also a profound sense of betrayal from their teen. Perhaps their teen has run away or otherwise has totally abandoned the family and everything they hold dear. To these parents it may seem as though a “death” has occurred, and as such, it similarly puts a great deal of stress on their marriage.   Continue Reading >>