The Adopted Teen’s Quest for Identity

Adoption is obviously a better alternative to a child languishing “in the system” – living in foster care or an orphanage. That’s why I have worked many years with national and international adoption organizations whose goal is to match needy kids with great parents. As I’ve experienced these adoptions first hand, I firmly believe that God has His hand in every case. After all, God is the ultimate authority on adoption. I think He provides specific parents with specific children for specific reasons. It may be hard to believe, but God may have given you a child knowing that as a teen they would struggle, and that He would need you for such a time as this. >> Article continued…

Staying Ahead of the Turbulence

I’m blessed to work with teens and their families.  It’s taught me more about parenting and how teens think today than I could have learned any other way.  All parents have to go through the sometimes bumpy teen years. There’s no way around it.  So, in the dawning days of adolescence they often ask me, “How can I get ready for the turbulence ahead?”

To answer that question for as many people as possible, I’m embarking on a speaking and teaching tour that I hope will be a life-changing event for the parents who attend.  We’re calling it Turbulence Ahead – Parenting Teens Through the Bumpy Years. My goal for these Friday, or Friday and Saturday, events is to help parents raise truly great kids, and to also bring transformation and healing to families who are hurting right now.  The first event is this weekend, September 25-26, in Tulsa.  Visit www.turbulenceahead.org to learn more. >> Article continued…

Building Responsibility in the Tween Years

The beginning of the school year can bring a new set of challenges for parents of kids just entering adolescence – the group of kids that marketers refer to as “tweens.” The ages vary, but for the purposes of this article, tweens are 9-12 years old.

Parents may be shocked by school reports that their young tween isn’t taking responsibility for completing his homework and may be failing in his classes as a result, especially if the child was previously studious. It can happen at this age because tweens are given more responsibility from their teachers to take the ball and run with it, but some have difficulty getting in the game. Work that was once organized and completed in the classroom is now required to be done solo and at home. >> Article continued…

Mark is Coming to a City Near You

After a successful tour with Focus on the Family as a guest speaker for their Canadian tour, I will be speaking at 15 cities over the next 15 months and hopefully have a chance to meet you.  The title of the events is “Turbulence Ahead….Parenting Teens Through the Bumpy Years” and will begin this month.  Our plan is “5 in ‘o9 and 10 in ‘10 (5 events in 2009 and 10 in 2010). 

These events will vary in design but basically be an opportunity to have a two hour speaking schedule followed by a 4 hour workshop.  All events will follow a Friday and/or Saturday schedule.  We’re excited, and hope you’ll make plans to attend.  Here’s information on our upcoming venues. >> Article continued…

Damage Control for Teens of Divorce

When parents split up, it can cause a number of problems in the life of their children; especially if the children are in the pre-teen or teen years.  I would never say divorce is responsible for every problem for the kids from split families who come to our Heartlight teen counseling program, but it is a major factor for many.  Divorce piles on emotional problems for a teen a little higher than there would normally be for an already emotional adolescent. >> Article continued…

Letting Go of the Rope

I recently looked at some old photos of myself and was shocked to realize that I was wearing the same shirts today that I wore 20 years ago.  I was so used to wearing them that I never took time to notice the nicer, newer shirts left for me in my closet as a gracious hint from my wife. I have the same problem with my shirts that many parents have with their old parenting techniques.  There is nothing wrong with their tactics for kids in their younger years, but they are just a little outdated for teenagers.

If your son or daughter is responding negatively to some of your well-intended discipline, and your attempts to rein in their behavior is not working, don’t automatically assume that what you’re doing is all wrong.  It’s just that your teen is changing at such an alarming rate that some of the established ways of doing things are no longer giving you the positive results they once were. >> Article continued…

Princesses and Bullies

It’s back to school time — the time of year I begin to hear concerns from parents of young girls who’ve just entered middle school. They send their princess off to school with her crown neatly polished and her entourage intact. But rarely do two princesses happily exist in the same place at the same time, much less hundreds converging on a first day at middle school. So, battle lines are drawn.

It can cause your daughter a lot of confusion when she suddenly realizes there are many princesses, all vying for the same kind of attention or acceptance. She may return home from her first day at middle school confused, lost, and full of hate for everything she once loved. She may feel like a boxer who has engaged in a boxing match all day. >> Article continued…

A Parent’s Guiding Influence

A parent’s desire to hold on to a child’s innocence in his early years is normal and necessary.  Early childhood is obviously not the right time for them to know certain things. But kids today are exposed to negative influences at earlier and earlier ages, and it is often out of a parent’s control.

Age 16 used to be the benchmark for teens.  It was the age most could begin to drive, and when given a set of car keys, the influence a parent has on how much of the world their teen experiences changes dramatically. But today, a younger teen has the keys to “drive” on over to some of the seediest places on earth, with the click of a mouse button.  The Internet has changed everything. >> Article continued…

Fired By Your Teenager

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will hear you. You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart. –Jeremiah 29:11-13

“You’re fired!” are two words we never expect to hear. That kind of feedback conveys a message to the ears of the one receiving it that says; “You’re no longer worthy. You’re a failure. We don’t need you anymore. You didn’t do well. You didn’t make “the mark.” You are a loser. You are wrong. You can’t do anything right. We’re better off without you.”

The impact of those two little words can be overwhelming: “Your dreams are gone. Things won’t turn out the way you thought after all. How could I have been so stupid? What a waste of time this was…what’s wrong with me? I must not be good. I must be a failure.” Being fired from a job can pull the rug from underneath you, making you feel lost, alone, betrayed, and even, helpless to know what to do. >> Article continued…

Sharing Your Past With Your Teen

Parents often worry their teen will learn about their own past mistakes. Perhaps they think their teen will repeat some of those same mistakes if they are revealed.  But I say just the opposite is true.

More than ever, kids today are in desperate need of parents who are honest and willing to be vulnerable in sharing their own failures. Teens can benefit from knowing how their parents handled or mishandled decisions when they were the same age, and what they learned from those mistakes. >> Article continued…