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Healthy Relationships Are Unconditional

Any good relationship begins by clearly communicating unconditional love! The message, “I love you, no matter what,” or, “There is nothing you can do to make me love you more, there is nothing you can do to make me love you less,” instills a sense of significance and security that has nothing to do with giving them, “things.”  That message will work itself out in may ways with your child: communicate a sense of unconditional love across a bridge of friendship that doesn’t stop if one doesn’t respond or makes a mistake.

There is nothing you can do to make me love you more…there is nothing you can do to make me love you less.

There are some good ways to put this concept into practice:

By spending time together, one on one

You have to know your child well enough to know what he is really interested in. Then you need to pursue it with all your might. Don’t just entertain them, find out what they love and spend a lot of time doing it together.

By sharing experiences

Find a challenge you both appreciate and pursue it with excitement. Dedicate some resources, time, effort, interest, and vigor to developing your interest together. Boys, especially, tend to process life while they are interacting or doing something with someone more than just talking.

Play X-box, shoot targets, play paintball, go boating, hiking, mountain climbing, river rafting. Choose activities that cause your child to interact with others on a relational level.

By looking for opportunities for discussion

Take advantage of those moments when a discussion leads to wisdom being shared along a common focal point.

Example 1: Attend a movie with an appropriate theme, and then follow up with a discussion about the movie’s moral themes and don’t lecture.

Example 2: Talk about a controversial news story and listen to your child’s opinion on the subject.

By developing a sense of humor

Get rid of your sour, bitter, and stressed-out attitude all of the time.  Lighten up! Try having a joke night“ where everyone has to come to dinner with a joke to share. Even if it’s corny or a little rank, everyone laughs!

By remembering your child’s past and believing in your child’s future

Don’t forget who this child was, or who he will become. Keep in mind the joy of bringing them home at birth.  The thumbprint of God is on their life even when they struggle  Don’t dwell solely on their current difficulties. They are more than the sum of their problems, just as you are.  Take out the photo album and walk down memory lane, remembering the good things about your child’s growing up years.  Trust God to complete the work He began in them during those years.

By selfless confrontation

Seek the right things in your child’s life for the right reason. Confront them with calmness, correct them with firmness, and with love them with heir best interest in mind. Place boundaries around their immaturity, and confront their disrespect or rebellion without anger.

Establish boundaries that encourage interaction

Instead of activities that isolate them, encourage them to develop their relationships in a real way.  Help them know where they can and can’t go in their relationships.  Explain in advance what is expected, before something challenges those expectations. Clearly establish your belief system and household rules. Make consequences appropriate to the situation and something that makes your child think differently about his choice the next time.

By acting on your faith and your beliefs

Don’t just say it, put your beliefs into action. Serve others, love others, forgive others, pray, worship. Exercise your faith in front of your child. Accept their unlovely friends, pray for them, invite them to dine with you, speak to them with kindness.

By correcting and disciplining your teen, even when it’s uncomfortable

Your child needs to know you love them enough to correct and discipline them when they behave in ways that offend your household rules, offend God, or damage their relationships with others.  Don’t lower your expectations for them when the going gets tough.