Don’t Be Blindsided by the Teen Years

Parents with children in the “tween” years should pat themselves on the back for a job well done! After a decade of protecting and nurturing their growing child, parenting can become easier at this time. But they would be wise to consider this breather period as a time to prepare for the often turbulent teen years and make the appropriate adjustments in their parenting style.

When your child reaches the ”tween” years,  parenting can seem to smooth out and become easier, but those who have been through this stage might call it, “the calm before the storm.”  The parent of a “tween-ager” may be tempted to think, “Why change the way I relate to my child, since things are going so well right now?” Here’s why…in a year or two your teen will begin to earnestly seek independence. They will spend more time away from you and your home, and they’ll become influenced by their culture and friends.   >> Article continued…

The Rising Tide of Teen Dishonesty

Some claim that the silly gesture of crossing your fingers behind your back to cover up a lie originated with Roman persecution of Christians. To escape death, those who lied about their faith in Christ, just as Peter did, made the sign of the cross behind their back to ask God’s forgiveness.

That sounds more like a fable to me, but it’s a fact that teenagers today seem to be crossing their fingers behind their back more and more. They are cheating and stealing more, too. The latest Report Card on the Ethics of American Youth, by the Josephson Institute of Ethics, shows teens are lying more often and more easily than ever. The report indicates an increase in lying, cheating and stealing among youth since 2006, when the report was first published.

Forty-two percent of those surveyed said they lied recently for financial gain. Sixty-four percent said they cheated on a test during the past year, and 38% had cheated more than once. Eighty-three percent said they had recently lied to their parents about something significant. >> Article continued…

Letting Go of the Rope

I recently looked at some old photos of myself and was shocked to realize that I was wearing the same shirts today that I wore 20 years ago.  I was so used to wearing them that I never took time to notice the nicer, newer shirts left for me in my closet as a gracious hint from my wife. I have the same problem with my shirts that many parents have with their old parenting techniques.  There is nothing wrong with their tactics for kids in their younger years, but they are just a little outdated for teenagers.

If your son or daughter is responding negatively to some of your well-intended discipline, and your attempts to rein in their behavior is not working, don’t automatically assume that what you’re doing is all wrong.  It’s just that your teen is changing at such an alarming rate that some of the established ways of doing things are no longer giving you the positive results they once were. >> Article continued…

A Parent’s Guiding Influence

A parent’s desire to hold on to a child’s innocence in his early years is normal and necessary.  Early childhood is obviously not the right time for them to know certain things. But kids today are exposed to negative influences at earlier and earlier ages, and it is often out of a parent’s control.

Age 16 used to be the benchmark for teens.  It was the age most could begin to drive, and when given a set of car keys, the influence a parent has on how much of the world their teen experiences changes dramatically. But today, a younger teen has the keys to “drive” on over to some of the seediest places on earth, with the click of a mouse button.  The Internet has changed everything. >> Article continued…

Allowing Teens to Break Out of the Box

Teens develop in maturity by doing, seeing, and experiencing. They crave freedom and they want to show the adults in their life that they are capable of making their own decisions. They want to break out of the box and have some control over what they do, where they go, and how they look.

But some parents prevent their teens from making mistakes at all costs (especially the same kind of mistakes they made when they were a teenager), so they apply more and more controls. This excessive sheltering can lead teens to a life of sneakiness (doing what they want to do behind the parent’s back), frustration, anger and eventually rebellion.

I can hear parents everywhere asking, “Isn’t this the time in their life when we need to rein them in? This culture is horrible!” I agree. In fact, it is precisely because the culture is so difficult that it is important for Christian parents to prepare their teen by helping them develop discernment. An overprotective parent accomplishes just the opposite, and the bud of discernment never develops into full-bloom.   >> Article continued…

Don’t Ever Quit, Not Even If Your Teen Hates You

I have seen many parents wonder what in the world happened to their family. They seemingly woke up one morning to a teen who completely changed overnight. Their loving, kind and thoughtful kid is now a person they no longer recognize.  It is easy for them to feel they are not prepared for all of this — but who is?

No matter how good a parent you are, there are forces at work in our culture that can  send your kid spinning off in a direction that you could never imagine. It’s a culture bent on undermining the values you have tried so hard to instill into your teen’s life. >> Article continued…

Teens Can Learn By Your Mistakes

Do you understand what your teenager is thinking?  Probably not. Maybe you wonder if your teenager is thinking at all!  Though the evidence may suggest otherwise, your teenager is probably thinking too much about the world around them and wondering too much about how they will fit in.

A teenager’s culture can dramatically affect how they think and act.  And today’s culture is far different from when you and I were teenagers.  What’s similar is their need to fit in and to be liked by their peers, which can trump all other needs in their life.  But can you appreciate the unusual pressures they face today, like their wondering if the economy will ever recover and whether or not they’ll get a job, go to college, or have what you had in life? >> Article continued…

Managing Conflict With Your Teen

When having conflict and struggle with your teen, it’s easy to feel as if the entire family is falling apart.  I’ve found that a better view of handling conflict is to see it as an opportunity to pull your family together, like never before!

Conflict Can Be the Precursor to Positive Change

I believe that relationships that stick together through conflict and hardship become closer relationships. In fact, the teens in our Heartlight program that I remember the most fondly are the ones that caused me to want to pull my hair out when dealing with their constant arguing and bad behavior. >> Article continued…

Deceptions of Teen Drug Use

When it comes to drug or alcohol use, we parents want to give our kids the benefit of the doubt. But for some kids, there are signs that something is different, and that’s when we should be on our toes. The phrase benefit of the doubt is defined as, “a favorable opinion adopted despite uncertainty.” Do you experience uncertainty? Do you wonder if your child has been using drugs or alcohol? Does he or she act, speak, reason or look differently?

Statistics show that 1 in 4 high school seniors use an illicit drug once a month; 1 in 5 use weekly; 1 in 10 use daily. Drug use is no respecter of religious versus non-religious, public versus private school kids.  And because today’s drugs, especially pot, are far more potent than in the 70’s, teenagers become addicted more quickly and overdose more easily. But the fastest growing “drugs” of choice today are common household items like aerosols, glues, prescription drugs, pain killers, cold medications, and prescription medications used to treat anxiety or Attention Deficit Disorders. >> Article continued…

A Confusing Culture for Teens and Parents

Most teenagers would love for their parents to get a taste of how confusing this culture is for them.  They face a difficult world and have to process an amazing amount of information and conflicting values every day.  They are overwhelmed on many levels. 

The cultural pressures teens face today are far worse than we faced when we were that age.  Any given day your teen may be exposed to pornography, perversion, immoral lifestyles, and encouraged by peers to participate in self-destructive behaviors.  They live in a raw culture where what is right, healthy, and nurturing is deemed to be all wrong and what is wrong is thought to be all right.

Teens need to fit in, no matter how bizarre this world has become. So the dilemma Christian parents face is how to train their children to maneuver through their culture without allowing it to control them or to either dilute or counter your spiritual beliefs. >> Article continued…