The Parenting Thrill Ride

Parenting is rarely like a pleasant but slightly boring turn on a carousel.  It’s usually more like a heart-stopping and unpredictable roller coaster ride.  In both experiences, the destination is never in question.  But the roller coaster has more ups, downs and moments of terror.

As soon as you think you have it all together as a parent and feel as if you’ve reached a high point, you’re suddenly slammed into yet another dip, another turn, another uphill climb. One second you’re right side up, and the next second you’re hanging on for dear life and maybe even screaming at the top of your lungs.

But oh, how much more exciting is the roller coaster ride! And how much more challenging! How much more thrilling, even with (or perhaps because of) the butterflies in your stomach, the fear, and the uncertainty of what’s around the next turn! On roller coasters, I’ve screamed out God’s name like a little girl. I’ve done the same in the twists and turns of parenting. >> Article continued…

Is Your Teen Driving You Crazy?

There is much in the news these days about cars accelerating out of control, leaving the driver and passengers helpless to know how to slow down or stop their runaway vehicle.  That’s kind of what it is like in a family with a teenager who is out of control. The whole family gets swept along for the not so joyful ride.

Is your family experiencing a frightening ride with an out of control teenager? Are you at a loss to know what to do, or don’t know how to react when your teen’s behavior makes every wrong turn and is accelerating toward disaster?

Typical adolescent behavior includes moodiness, hyper-sensitivity and irrational thinking — no cause for much alarm.  But there are other behaviors that are warning signs of a bigger problem than you may realize. These attitudes and behaviors are often triggered by a child’s feeling of being disrespected or abandoned in some way at some point in their life, and the level at which those feelings impact their actions, relationships and decisions in the teen years becomes abnormal. >> Article continued…

Facebook Wisdom for Parents

In late December, I launched a new way of reaching out to parents of teens and preteens — through a Parenting Today’s Teens page on Facebook. Since then I’ve shared hundreds of communications with the growing number of “friends”who have joined our page—almost 2,500 in just 60 days. See it at http://www.facebook.com/parentingtodaysteens.

For those who have not joined our discussion and encouragement group on Facebook, I thought I’d share just a few of those conversations and the profound words of wisdom from others, as we’ve discussed everything having to do with raising teenagers. I’ll first indicate my post and then some of the selected comments others have made in response to it. Their Facebook name is removed for their privacy. I hope you will learn some bits of wisdom from both, or perhaps you’ll chuckle or cry, as I did.

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Don’t Be Blindsided by the Teen Years

Parents with children in the “tween” years should pat themselves on the back for a job well done! After a decade of protecting and nurturing their growing child, parenting can become easier at this time. But they would be wise to consider this breather period as a time to prepare for the often turbulent teen years and make the appropriate adjustments in their parenting style.

When your child reaches the ”tween” years,  parenting can seem to smooth out and become easier, but those who have been through this stage might call it, “the calm before the storm.”  The parent of a “tween-ager” may be tempted to think, “Why change the way I relate to my child, since things are going so well right now?” Here’s why…in a year or two your teen will begin to earnestly seek independence. They will spend more time away from you and your home, and they’ll become influenced by their culture and friends.   >> Article continued…

Proper Response to Teen Rulebreaking

When a teen breaks the rules, they need a responsible adult to respond, not react. To respond is to offer calmness, honesty, love, grace and support while seeking to correct the misbehavior. However, to react is to become emotional, angry, hurt, quick to judge, and often harsh.

Knee-jerk reactions are almost always counterproductive. We have all done it. Our teen comes home two hours past curfew. We have been waiting up, worrying about all the possible horrible reasons for him being late; we’re an emotional wreck at this point. Then he calmly waltzes in, and ignores us sitting in the chair. That does it! Our brain seems to turn off. We feel disrespected and start yelling. “Where have you been?” “I’ve been waiting up for hours.” “How dare you!” >> Article continued…

Teenagers Seeking Purpose

You want your kids to fulfill every bit of their unique purpose in life. When you first hold your newborn, the future and its possibilities flash through your mind. Will she be a doctor? Will he be a lawyer? I want her to do well. I hope he is like his dad.

As your children grow, you are able to direct their dreams for a while. Life is good. Then something happens. All of a sudden, seemingly overnight, everything changes. The once amiable child is now a teenager and is no longer following your road map! He seems to have developed his own direction, forsaking what you had imagined for him. How did this happen?

As kids mature in the teen years, they begin searching on their own for meaning in life, a purpose for living, something that makes their life worth living. And that may not at all match what Mommy and Daddy thought it should be. >> Article continued…

Guiding Teens on Life’s Highway

Parents of teenagers can grow anxious about the path their teen is choosing in life. They might worry about their teen’s future, or even fret over whether or not they’ll have a good relationship with their teen after they leave home.

If you’re feeling anxious today, I’d like to offer some advice. First, let’s put anxiety into perspective with the words of Billy Graham, who wisely said, “Anxiety is the natural result when our hopes are centered in anything short of God and His will for us.” If we could apply that truth to the parents of teenagers, the answer to anxiety is the same — to have faith in God to guide your teenager along the right path. >> Article continued…

The Rising Tide of Teen Dishonesty

Some claim that the silly gesture of crossing your fingers behind your back to cover up a lie originated with Roman persecution of Christians. To escape death, those who lied about their faith in Christ, just as Peter did, made the sign of the cross behind their back to ask God’s forgiveness.

That sounds more like a fable to me, but it’s a fact that teenagers today seem to be crossing their fingers behind their back more and more. They are cheating and stealing more, too. The latest Report Card on the Ethics of American Youth, by the Josephson Institute of Ethics, shows teens are lying more often and more easily than ever. The report indicates an increase in lying, cheating and stealing among youth since 2006, when the report was first published.

Forty-two percent of those surveyed said they lied recently for financial gain. Sixty-four percent said they cheated on a test during the past year, and 38% had cheated more than once. Eighty-three percent said they had recently lied to their parents about something significant. >> Article continued…

Parenting Teens This Week

A Healthy Relationship with Your Teen

Do you want to become your child’s best friend? Of course you do! But does friendship with your child ever get in the way of your parenting? Do you cover your eyes and ears, or overlook problems with your teenager’s behavior because you fear that confrontation will hurt your relationship?

Some parents place so much value on having a great relationship with their child that they fail to take the appropriate position of parental authority in their life. It becomes more of an issue when there is a split in a family and each parent tries to impress a child in order to gain that child’s love. Or, it can happen if a parent is insecure and their child’s life has become their life too. It can even happen if a teen becomes rebellious and the parent caves in to their anger or bad behavior. >> Article continued…