Intervention and Recovery

Susanna came from a great home, with conservative Christian parents. She grew up attending church with her family, playing sports in a private school and participating in her church youth group. But by the time she was 17, she had become a cynical, street-savvy teenager. Experimenting with drugs and alcohol had spiraled into a dangerous lifestyle that included selling illicit drugs and abusing alcohol.

A photo of Susanna before coming to Heartlight reveals her sitting among stacks of cash from selling drugs, and holding an automatic weapon.  Amazingly, she led this secret life while living at home and under the care of two concerned but unknowing parents. >> Article continued…

Facing the Summer with a Troubled Teen

Are you facing a summer full of storms from a teenager whose behavior has become rebellious and out of control? Does it seem like he has suddenly become someone you don’t even recognize?

Teenagers go through normal turmoil in their emotions as they mature. Most handle adolescence without behavioral problems, but for others this time of life can be very stressful and confusing to them.  And their desire to be accepted by their peers can get them into all sorts of trouble. >> Article continued…

Teen Recovery from Substance Abuse

More than 80% of youth who have completed a chemical dependency treatment program are unable to maintain sobriety after returning to their home, school, and old peer group. (Source: SAMSHA)

There’s nothing more gut-wrenching for a parent than to deal with their teenager’s drug addiction.  It’s like a slow death, not just for the teen, but for the the entire family.  And it won’t get better without treatment and ongoing support, sometimes spanning the addict’s entire life.   That’s why it’s far better for parents to test for and catch substance abuse early, before it gets a foothold. 

Sadly, more than a million teenagers are admitted every year to drug or alcohol abuse treatment programs.  These adolescents come through a 30-, 60-, or 90-day treatment program, only to find it impossible to maintain their sobriety, because their peers and influences back home haven’t changed.  Without ongoing help, they return to drinking or drugs most of the time. >> Article continued…

Step-Family Teen Troubles

Step-parents often experience rejection and anger from the step-child in the teenage years.  After giving so much loving care over the years, it can be more than a parent can bear when the child seemingly turns against them in the teen years. 

In our Heartlight residential program, I daily help step-families in the midst of such turmoil.  Our work begins following a plea for help, similar to the note I received today…

“My husband and I have been married since my daughter was two years old.  Her biological father has had very little to do with her.  My daughter constantly argues with her step-father and will not stop.  He sometimes responds by becoming angry.  I simply cannot handle this any longer. ”

Step-parents can take it very personally when a step-child seemingly rejects them.  It’s hard for them to understand how a child they helped raise could so suddenly become hateful, mean, and angry. >> Article continued…

Teen Girls and Sexual Identity

Today’s teens are influenced by a culture that, in many ways, fosters great confusion about sexual identity.  Kids are encouraged by their idols and classmates to act on their feelings, and ”anything goes.”  Teens doing whatever they want, along with a newfound acceptance and outright promotion of homosexual lifestyles, culminates in a confusion for even well-schooled Christian teens. >> Article continued…

Ten Steps to Maturity For Teenage Boys

Fifteen is the age when a boy moves into manhood while still holding on to the boyish ways of childhood. It is a time when parents need to be extra vigilant to help him make it through the transition smoothly, and therefore not get stuck at this stage for several years.

Age 15 is when the your son’s thoughts and his expectations crash like ocean waves amidst a sea of change. It’s the end of one tide and the beginning of another.  At the very least, it’s an awkward season. Increased hormones, growth spurts, voice changes, muscles, and moving from concrete to abstract thinking all tend to make a young man feel a jumble of both invincibility and vulnerability.  And as a first step toward making up his own mind about life, everything you’ve taught him will be questioned. >> Article continued…

The Dream Teen

When we first hold our newborns, their whole life, all the possibilities, flash through our minds. 

Will she be a dancer?  Will he be a jock?  I want her to do this.  He needs to be like this.  As our children grow, we are able to live out those dreams for our children with them for a while.  Young children are only too happy to do what Mommy and Daddy ask.  Life is good.  Your family is just like you have always imagined.  Everybody has his or her script and is following along perfectly.  >> Article continued…

When Adult Children Return to Live At Home

When a parent allows a son or daughter to become dependent on them well into adulthood, they aren’t doing themselves or that child any favors. 

I recently received this message by e-mail from a father who is struggling with his stepson who is still living at home, though he is 25 years old.  Here’s what he wrote: >> Article continued…

Know Pain Know Gain

If pain were knocking on your door, you wouldn’t welcome him, invite him in, or help him in any way. You would send him to the next neighborhood, reassuring him that he was at the wrong address.

Parents in trouble with their teen call me when they are in pain and need help, but I’ve learned that many are just looking for an affirmation or justification of their own plan or ideas. Sadly, most people only accept advice when they agree with it, when it fits into their own time schedule, and when the outcome is what they predicted. >> Article continued…

No Quick Fixes for Teen Behavior Problems

I see as many problems surface from the unrealistic expectations of parents of struggling teenagers as I do with the teenagers themselves. In some ways parental issues are tougher to address than a teen’s.

Parents often think that their teen’s problems can be fixed with the right formula, medication, or bandage, just like the cuts and scrapes of childhood. Then, when they’ve tried everything, and nothing works, they become discouraged and reactionary, leading to even more damage in the relationship with their child or their spouse. >> Article continued…