Managing Conflict With Your Teen

Most of us want to avoid conflict with our kids, but did you know that conflict in a family can offer you an opportunity to pull together like never before?  If reckoned with properly, conflict is a force for change that has the power to brings relationships together rather than tear them apart.

Another positive aspect of conflict is that it helps a child learn how to stand up for himself.  How else will he learn how to say “No” when he needs to, or “That’s just not right,” or, “I don’t agree with that.”

So, how can you effectively manage conflict with your teen in a way that maintains a solid relationship, while at the same time honors the household rules? >> Article continued…

Possibly the Greatest Teen Parenting Mistake

Well-intentioned parents, doing as they have always done to protect their children when they were young, often circle the wagons and marshal control when their teenager makes a mistake in judgment. Others keep their wagons circled all the time, never giving up any control to the teenager in the first place. Such parents then wonder why their teenager rebels against them or lacks maturity. 

It’s natural for parents to believe that trouble can be avoided by keeping their teenager always in sight, by fixing their every problem, and by generally keeping them under their control.  But I’ve learned that teens mature quicker when parents take steps in the early teen years to give up some of the control they have over their teen’s life. >> Article continued…

Dealing With Difficult Teens

None of us can see our own errors; deliver me, LORD, from (my) hidden faults! –Psalms 19:12

Has your teen figured out that he can live without a care in the world for the problems his irresponsible behavior creates, or the stress it puts on you as a parent? Do you spend all your time worrying about him or trying to figure out how to get him to behave differently?

Whenever I see a teen who is irresponsible, and happy to be so, I know his parents are the ones who are quite miserable. The more they try to take control and change their teen’s poor choices, the worse the behavior becomes. It’s what I call “the spin cycle,” a downward spiral in teen behavior that often results in a their life spinning totally out of control or ending in dire consequences. And the whole family spins out of control, too. >> Article continued…

Teens Can Learn By Your Mistakes

Do you understand what your teenager is thinking?  Probably not. Maybe you wonder if your teenager is thinking at all!  Though the evidence may suggest otherwise, your teenager is probably thinking too much about the world around them and wondering too much about how they will fit in.

A teenager’s culture can dramatically affect how they think and act.  And today’s culture is far different from when you and I were teenagers.  What’s similar is their need to fit in and to be liked by their peers, which can trump all other needs in their life.  But can you appreciate the unusual pressures they face today, like their wondering if the economy will ever recover and whether or not they’ll get a job, go to college, or have what you had in life? >> Article continued…

Step-Family Teen Troubles

Step-parents often experience rejection and anger from the step-child in the teenage years.  After giving so much loving care over the years, it can be more than a parent can bear when the child seemingly turns against them in the teen years. 

In our Heartlight residential program, I daily help step-families in the midst of such turmoil.  Our work begins following a plea for help, similar to the note I received today…

“My husband and I have been married since my daughter was two years old.  Her biological father has had very little to do with her.  My daughter constantly argues with her step-father and will not stop.  He sometimes responds by becoming angry.  I simply cannot handle this any longer. ”

Step-parents can take it very personally when a step-child seemingly rejects them.  It’s hard for them to understand how a child they helped raise could so suddenly become hateful, mean, and angry. >> Article continued…

Stops and Starts for Parenting Teens

Parents who are dealing with an out of control teenager tell me that they just don’t know what to do anymore.  They’ve tried everything they can think of, but things keep getting worse, not better.  When they ask for my advice, we start looking at the situation from a wider angle to set the stage for working with the teenager.  So, I tell them something like this…

If you believe God is in control of all things, then your situation is not hopeless. And, we can help you get through it. But a first step is to look to see if God may be calling you to do something different in your own life.  This isn’t to say that you’ve caused the current problem, but what you do and don’t do now can be a catalyst for it continuing, or getting to the other side of it.

Another way to say it, is that doing something different can involve stopping and starting… >> Article continued…

Power Parenting

The most powerful thing you can do as a parent is to empower your teenager.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to help the parents of teenagers, whether through our residential program, through books, our blogs, seminars, or our two national radio programs.  >> Article continued…

Your Teen’s Selfishness

What have you done today to help your teenager grow in maturity?

Some parents feed their teen’s selfishness into adult years by continuing to rotate their life around them.  I tell parents that at age 15 it is time for them to begin aggressively helping their teen get over a selfish mindset.

Instead of always wanting to be “served” by mom and dad, older teens need to do things for themselves and also learn to serve others.  After all, they are potentially only a few short years away from having to live totally unselfishly as parents themselves. >> Article continued…

Ten Ways to Rebuild a Relationship With a Teen

Relationships thrive in settings where everyone agrees that nobody is perfect.  

Unconditional love is fundamental for building healthy relationships with teenage children who will test their parents and their rules in every possible way. When they do, a busy, stressed-out parent can often react in ways that don’t always convey unconditional love.

If that sounds like you, maybe you need to work on mending your relationship before it is destroyed altogether.  Consider implementing some of these bridge-builders: >> Article continued…

When An Adult Child Makes Bad Decisions

The Lord is merciful and gracious; He is slow to get angry and full of unfailing love. He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever.” Psalm 103:8-9, NLT

When a child becomes an adult and is living on his own, it is no longer within our power to control much in their life. It is, however, within our power to manage our relationship with that child.

“Well, what do we do about Mother’s Day?,” a father wanted to know.  You see, he was dealing with an adult teenager whom he had recently asked to leave their home. The son’s life was overrun by self-damaging things and he had no interest in changing. The parents had struggled and prayed long and hard about it, and rightfully concluded that it was time to ask their prodigal to go live somewhere else. >> Article continued…