Do Adopted Kids Have More Problems?

You may have heard the news story this week – an adoptive family in Tennessee put their 7-year-old Russian-born boy on an unaccompanied one-way flight back to Russia, explaining that he had terrorized their family since coming to live with them. Now, the world is in an uproar over their seemingly heartless and careless act.

This family’s decision to abandon their child is totally unacceptable, I know.  But I also know that adoptions can go haywire.  Adopted kids may or may not have any more problems than any other group of kids, but I think they often present a different “mix” of problems.  And those problems can often be more severe, with behavior escalating to the point where a child is out of control and dangerous to himself and others around him or her.

There’s no question that typical adolescent issues like belonging, fitting-in, rejection, connection, acceptance, and peer-relationships can become particularly prominent for some adopted kids.  But there are other factors that can cause just as many problems for the child and the adoptive parents. >> Article continued…

Adoption in the News

There’s much in the news these days about adoption; especially as it relates to the kids caught up in the tragic circumstances of the earthquake in Haiti. Adoption is a great opportunity for a child who might otherwise face a life without a mom or dad, and it’s a great way for couples to shower their love and compassion on a child.

I firmly believe that God is the ultimate authority on adoption. I believe that His hand is on every case and that He purposefully provides specific parents with specific children, knowing each one’s needs. >> Article continued…

The Answers Adopted Teens Seek

When an adopted child enters the adolescent years and their thinking transfers from concrete to abstract, they might begin asking that unanswerable question, “Why did my mother give me up?” At a time that most kids are trying to “find themselves” and form a concept and understanding of who they are and who they are not, the adoption card in their deck of options is one that is a mystery and a source of confusion for most (confusion is not a problem, but how they display that confusion might present a problem). 

The hard part of all of this is that this transition of thinking happens around the 7th or 8th grade year when life is tough for any young teen. Having to deal with these pretty tough and deep issues at a time they’re having to transition into early adolescence would be a heavy overload for anyone. Thus the identity issues come to the surface. >> Article continued…

The Adopted Teen’s Quest for Identity

Adoption is obviously a better alternative to a child languishing “in the system” – living in foster care or an orphanage. That’s why I have worked many years with national and international adoption organizations whose goal is to match needy kids with great parents. As I’ve experienced these adoptions first hand, I firmly believe that God has His hand in every case. After all, God is the ultimate authority on adoption. I think He provides specific parents with specific children for specific reasons. It may be hard to believe, but God may have given you a child knowing that as a teen they would struggle, and that He would need you for such a time as this. >> Article continued…

When Adopted Children Become Teenagers

Many adopted kids seem to have more than their fair share of issues when they reach the adolescent years. Some can suddenly turn on the very people who rescued them years before, the family who adopted them.  Why is that? 

Here’s why . . . just as self-awareness begins to grow in the early teen years, adopted children can begin to struggle with the who and why of their adoption at this time — even kids who were adopted at birth.  Feelings of abandonment by their birth mother can burst to the surface and add to an already emotionally charged adolescence, fueled by a search for meaning, belonging, and validity in their life.

Many adopted children question their true identity during the teen years. For the mortified adoptive parents, their teenager may demonstrate a profound and shocking lack of appreciation and even a temporary hatred of them. So, the obvious question from these parents is, “What have we done wrong?” My answer to them in most cases is that they have done nothing wrong. >> Article continued…

What If Your Teenager is Pregnant?

If you ever get the news that your unmarried teenage daughter is pregnant, let me assure you of something…you will get through it, and God will honor His word to cause all things to work together for good. 

I’ve seen what many would think be the worst of situations turned into the most wonderful of opportunities.  Even though it isn’t what a parent would want, I’ve got to tell you…hearts turn, a teen matures in ways they would have never matured, and parents embrace their relationship with their daughter in ways they would have never thought possible.  >> Article continued…

Unique Struggles for Adopted Teens

When it comes to having “unique issues,” adopted teens seem to have more than their share. When an adopted child struggles with the who and why of their adoption when they reach the teenage years, it can be more intense and emotionally charged adolescence than what is experienced by their non-adopted peers. Even though their struggles surround issues that are quite unique to their adoption, the right approach and understanding by the adoptive parents can make all the difference. >> Article continued…

Adopting for the Right Reasons

Every day hundreds of orphaned or unwanted children from around the world find welcome and love from men and women in the U.S. through adoption. Today, in honor of National Adoption Week, I want to applaud those who take on this role, and especially those who adopt children with disabilities, children of a different race, and older children. You are among today’s most brave and selfless heroes. >> Article continued…