A Clear Path to Teen Maturity

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Parents of teenagers need to get out of the way and allow their kids to bend in the winds of life a little more. Through that gentle buffeting they’ll gain strength and wisdom to stand upright and flourish as adults.   

It’s natural for parents to believe that trouble in the teen years can be avoided by keeping tight reins on their teenager. And they might be tempted to step in to fix their teen’s mistakes, thinking it will help them see how it should be done. But neither tactic is helpful.  Teens mature quicker and gain more confidence when parents step back and allow mistakes and the resulting consequences to happen.  They may not get it quite right at first, but eventually, through natural or applied consequences, the teen will learn to make better decisions.

The best way to empower your teenager to take the right path in life is to begin sharing the power you’ve had over him since he was born, allowing him more and more responsibility for his own decisions and dealing with his own consequences. While it is hard to take off the training wheels and let go, it is essential to clear the path and get out of his way.

Don’t Pick Up the Slack

If you are in the habit of picking up the slack for your teenager, you’re not doing him any favors.  Instead, you may just be keeping him immature, dependent and powerless. Don’t follow after him to clean up his messes in life.  And don’t bail him out of a jam, like when he unwisely spends his gas money on a new music download.  I know it is hard to hold back.  You may even feel like you’re abandoning him.  But it is better to allow him to fix his own mistakes at this stage in life.

Most teenagers are fully capable of doing well, so let them, and communicate that belief to them. As you back off, do so in stages. If they handle the first stage well, then move on to the next stage of giving them more freedoms.  But make it clear that you will be watching, and should they break the rules, they could lose some of those new freedoms for a time.

Learn to Let Go

Clearing the path also means to move from telling and providing to listening and guiding.  In other words, avoid telling the little darlings what to do every minute of the day, but be there for them to cry on your shoulder when they do make a mistake.  Avoid providing for their every want, but allow them freedom to earn and spend their own money.  And ask wise questions that will make them think about their decisions, while encouraging them to make as many as possible.

As you learn to consistently let go, your teen’s expectations will shift away from leaning on you to run their life, to the understanding that they are the ones responsible now for how things turn out. They may even try every trick in the book to get you to make decisions for them, or to rescue them out of their poor choices ,but don’t do it!  Hold them accountable, just as they will someday be held accountable as an adult.  Some teens like their immaturity and may not feel the need to grow in responsibility, so they may need to be kicked out of the comfortable nest, so to speak, so they can learn to fly. 

The aim for parents of teens is to change from protection and management of their
child’s actions to focusing on coaching, setting healthy boundaries
and building their character.

Your New Role 

Is this a time to take a much needed rest and back off completely?  Absolutely not.  Remain in the game.   The teen years are a time to refocus your parenting energies and attention on teaching them how to reason and count the costs, how to reach out to others, how to keep commitments, and how to live honestly and respectfully.  It is a time to teach them to own and take responsibility for their attitudes, choices and consequences. Don’t just tell them they need to be more responsible, or that they need to be more mature. Instead, carefully provide opportunities for growth in these areas. And it is a time to become a good coach and listener.

Keep in mind that “freedom” is a moving target, so it shouldn’t be given to your teen without ongoing interaction, requirements to report in, and clear boundaries.  Be there with a watchful eye and to coach them.  Establish and enforce boundaries, but give them latitude within the boundaries to make their own decisions.  Begin as early as age 10, and keep working at it until they eventually leave home. This is an ongoing process, and one you should consider a critical stepping stone to your teenager’s maturity.

And by the way…give your teen some credit. You’ll be surprised how quickly he or she will mature once the training wheels are taken off and it is up to them to either steer straight, or crash. Like the beam on a child’s face after his first unassisted bike ride, your teen will grow in confidence and self-esteem with each new decision he makes.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Mark Gregston is an author, speaker, radio host, and the founder and executive director of Heartlight, a residential counseling program and school for struggling adolescents. Mark can also be followed on Twitter and at Facebook.com/parentingteens.

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Hear more on this subject on Mark’s weekly national radio program:  Program: Making Wise Choices –Teens today experience countless challenges to making wise choices. Unfortunately, parents are faced with the temptation to be “Super Parents,” protecting or rescuing their children from the natural consequences of their actions. Mark teaches parents to help their teens learn experientially and grow in maturity.  Listen Here Beginning Saturday >>

Suicide Epidemic Among Teens

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For a teenager to be so unbearably unhappy that he would choose to kill himself is something that is almost too painful for a parent to think about. But with the increasing prevalence of teen suicide, no parent can afford to ignore the possibility. Suicide is now the third leading cause of death for high school students. 

Kids look at this world as being more and more hopeless.  And many are choosing suicide as their solution. When I was in high school — a school with 3,000 students — I never knew of any of my peers committing suicide. And even working in Young Life after college, suicide among teens was a very unusual event that we rarely heard of. 

Fact is, before the 1960’s, suicide by adolescents happened only rarely; but today, nearly one in ten teens contemplates suicide, and over 500,000 attempt it each year. While suicide rates for all other ages have dropped, suicides among teens have nearly tripled.

Between the sexes, teen boys are more than four times as likely to commit suicide as girls. But girls are known to think about and attempt suicide about twice as often as boys. The difference is the method; girls attempt suicide by overdosing on drugs or cutting themselves, and thankfully most are found in time and rescued. Boys tend to use more lethal methods, such as firearms, hanging, or jumping from heights.

The Warning Signs

Teen suicide is a teen’s last attempt to ease the pain, to make a statement, or it is just a wrong decision giving a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  Teens don’t see the bigger picture; they only see the “right now.”  They get wrapped up in the emotions of the moment and tend to only think about a week ahead — that’s all.  And when you mix immature short-sightedness with feelings of utter hopelessness, some kids think they cannot live with the pain another day. Other kids who contemplate suicide are filled with rage over teasing by their peers or the way they feel they’ve been mistreated by family. They choose suicide as a tragic form of payback. 

That reminds me of Kerri. She was the “perfect kid.” She loved church, was involved in mission projects, was adored by her brothers, and stayed away from sex, drugs, and alcohol. Her parents allowed their stunning daughter to date at age 16. But on her first date, the guy tried to go too far, and Kerri was shocked and stunned by the encounter. Her parents asked about the date, and she shared what had happened. Kerri’s father, in the heat of the moment, blamed Kerri. His words verbally crucified his daughter. When Kerri stated that what this boy did made her want to commit suicide, her dad said she didn’t have the guts to do it. Feeling devalued and misunderstood, Kerri decided to show her dad how gutsy she really was. She got into her parents’ medicine cabinet and took 30 sleeping pills. Kerri’s parents had no idea what the fight had done to their daughter until dad came upstairs to apologize, found Kerri asleep, and couldn’t wake her. She awoke a few hours later after being rushed to the emergency room and having her stomach pumped. She wasn’t rebellious; she was just sending her dad a message. If she showed her dad that he was wrong about her being too afraid to kill herself, she could also prove he was also wrong about the way she handled her date.

Like Kerri, most teens contemplating suicide give some type of warning to friends or loved ones ahead of time. It can be subtle and or it can be blurted out in a rage.  Either way, it’s important for parents to watch for those threats or warning signs and take them seriously, so their teen can get the help they need.

Parents should be aware of these other warning signs that their teenager may be having suicidal thoughts:

• They may begin to isolate themselves, pulling away from friends or family
• They may no longer participate in what was their favorite things or activities
• They may have recently developed trouble thinking clearly
• They may have changes in their personality (darker, more anxious, or non-caring)
• They may be experiencing changes in eating or sleeping habits
• They may talk about suicide or death in general
• They may express feelings of hopelessness or guilt
• They may exhibit self-destructive behavior (substance abuse, dangerous driving, recklessness, excessive risk taking)
• They may have changes in their personal hygiene and appearance
• They may complain about anxiety-related physical problems (stomachaches, headaches, hives, fatigue, blurred vision)
• They may have difficulty accepting praise or rewards.

If you see any of these signs in your teen, talk to them about your concerns and seek professional help from a physician or a qualified mental health professional. With the support of family and appropriate treatment, teenagers who are suicidal can heal and return to more healthy thinking.

If you ever hear your teen say, “I’m going to kill myself,” or “I’m going to commit suicide,” always take such statements seriously and immediately seek assistance from a qualified mental health professional. Don’t walk away. Don’t wait.  Get them to a hospital immediately, even if they don’t want to go or say they were just fooling with you. 

Hospitalization is needed whenever a teen is a danger to himself.  Extreme cutting, bizarre behavior, extreme depression, suicidal thoughts, or excessive drug or alcohol use coupled with emotional issues are just a few of the symptoms that might warrant hospitalization. A parent shouldn’t hesitate to hospitalize their child if they fear for their life. It’s better to be safe than sorry.

It’s also important to be proactive in regard to making sure that the main tools of committing suicide are not readily available to a suicidal teen.  For boys, lock up guns in the house so they are not accessible.  For girls, monitor razor blades and make sure drugs like sleeping pills and pain killers are not accessible in your house. You may need to regularly go through her dresser, purse, backpack and closet to make sure she isn’t storing any herself that she’s bought or gotten from friends. And when a suicidal girl is taking a bath, knock on the door periodically to get a response.

Be Sure to Talk About It

If you see mild warning signs, asking your teen if he or she is depressed or thinking about suicide can be helpful. Such questions filled with love and concern will provide assurance that you care and will give them the chance to talk about their problems. Get them to commit to you that if they ever do have those thoughts, they’ll let you or someone else know.  If your teen doesn’t feel comfortable talking with you, suggest a more neutral person, such as another relative, a counselor, a pastor, a coach, or your child’s doctor.

It’s important to keep the lines of communication open and express your concern, support, and love. If your teen confides in you their loss of hope or control of their life, show that you take those concerns seriously. It’s important not to minimize, mock or discount what your teen is going through, as this can increase his or her sense of hopelessness.

Depression Can Lead to Suicide

Each year, thousands of at-risk teens are diagnosed with clinical depression. Most of the signs of depression are the same as suicide warning signs, so depression needs your attention.  If left untreated or ignored, it can be a devastating illness for the teen and their family and it can lead to suicide.

There are different treatments for depression, but keep in mind that teen depression is often not treated the same as depression in adults. There are medications available to help teens with depression, but typically they are needed only temporarily. Treatment of teen depression must involve regular counseling and close supervision, since some medical treatments can make the depression more severe before they take full effect and begin helping. The good news is that most teens grow out of depression in a few years.

A depressed teen may have been having relational problems at home or is being picked on or bullied at school. But usually severe depression comes from another problem in their life such as an eating disorder, drug addiction, physical abuse, loss, or medical condition. Some teens just need to eat a better diet and get more sleep at night, but depression and suicidal thoughts are not something I’d recommend anyone treat with home remedies. A depressed teen generally doesn’t have the ability or strength to solve their own depression.  Attempting to help “shake them out of it” can cause the depression and despair to deepen, since it only serves to point out their own failure to improve their life.

What’s A Parent To Do?

If you are the parent of a depressed or suicidal teen, it’s important that you try to understand them, listen to them and try not to be accusing. Respect your teen’s opinions and problems and avoid blaming them or yourself for their feelings. Being a teenager is hard today and your child is justified in their feelings, even if you may not agree or understand. When you realize this, you can help your child. 

Remain in contact; even if you no longer have any control over your child’s life.  It can make all the difference.  Do what you can to bring family members and the friends they’ve abandoned back into their life. Get out family pictures and videos to show them better times. 

No matter what mischief your child is doing in their life, hope is needed more than judgment at this time.  So encourage them by getting them out to experience good things that can add abundance to their life.  Sometimes it helps to ask a positive-thinking relative to take them into their home for a time to give the teen a change of scenery.  Get them on a good diet.  Get them outdoors to soak in some vitamin D.  Regular exercise really helps.  And find a loving pet that they can take care.  Having the responsibility for a pet can sometimes cause a teen to think twice before taking themselves out of the picture.  It also gives them a “pal” to talk to who is totally loyal and non-condemning.  Finally, plan fun events several months in the future that they can look forward to, and keep reminding them of that date.  For teenagers, the point is to create a bridge to help them get past this period of hopelessness and into a better mindset.

Please don’t be slow in getting professional help.  I’ve seen many hundreds of teenagers who have become different people from medication designed to correct a deficiency in their developing brain.  Others are helped by regular counseling to deal with their inner issues, or with treatment for their drug habit or other addictions in their life.  Get the help your teen needs, before they become a statistic.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:  Mark Gregston is an author, speaker, radio host, and the founder and executive director of Heartlight, a residential program for struggling adolescents. Mark can also be followed on Twitter and at Facebook.com/parentingteens. 

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Listen to Mark’s weekly half-hour radio program this weekend on ”TEENS AND SUICIDE”  

Teen suicide.  Whether it’s an attempt to ease pain or make a statement, sometimes kids consider a permanent solution to what may be temporary problems. This edition of Parenting Today’s Teens tackles the sensitive but important topic of suicide.  Mark Gregston helps parents understand what can lead to suicidal thoughts and behavior in their children and how to find hope in hopeless situations.  Listen here >>

3 Ways to Connect With Your Teen

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Are you connecting with your teenager or growing farther apart every day? Here are three things you can do to communicate and connect on a deeper level. 

So, what do you and your teen talk about? My guess is that you discuss such items as academics, work, behaviors, privileges, sports involvement, picking the right friends, choosing the right clothes, performing chores, and obeying the rules of the house. 

Now, take a minute and think about what else you talk about. Pretty short list, isn’t it? 

Most of what we talk about is what they’re doing or need to do, not about what they’re thinking or what their passions and goals are in life. This imbalance can create the impression that your relationships with your teen is determined by their actions and how they perform, versus your desire to really know them.  

The point is this . . . talking to your teenager does not necessarily mean you’re communicating. In fact, too much talk can cover up what really needs to be said. Sometimes the most important connection with your teen can happen with very few words.  Are you looking for ways to really connect with your teen’s deepest hopes, concerns and fears; or is the mode of communication between the two of you an endless stream of superficial words, demands, and lecturing? I encourage you to stop the chatter, look for what’s under the surface, and connect with your teen in a more meaningful way. 

I. Communicate By Asking Questions 

The power of a parent asking questions is amazing. Everyone knows that when you are asked your opinion, you feel valued. I’m talking about “What do you think?” questions, not “What did you do?” questions.  When asked in a non-condemning and non-prying way, these questions can convey a sense of value and relationship that is unparalleled by any other act of kindness. The movement toward a teen by asking them what they think lets them know you have an interest in them and that you value their opinion. 

Talking to your teenager does not necessarily mean you are communicating. In fact, too much talk can cover up what really needs to be said.

So, ask your teen lots of questions. Not ones that make them uncomfortable, but the kind of questions that make them think about things. Find out how they would do something, where they would go, and why they think a certain way. Talk about controversial subjects as you would to a friend or co-worker for whom you have extreme respect. Never belittle their opinions about things. After all, did you know everything when you were a teen? 

If parents don’t ask questions, they could be missing serious hidden situations in the life of their teen.  Wise parents understand that anything can happen today, so they maintain an open line of communication with their teen to prevent things from getting out of hand if it does happen. Foolish parents never give it any thought, so they never ask questions. The most common comment I hear from the parents of hundreds of struggling teens is this: “I never knew this could happen to my child.” Let me assure you from years and years of experience that anything can happen to anyone at any time. 

Engaging with your teen through the power of caring inquiry is crucial, but you must also learn to keep your mouth shut long enough to hear your teen’s answer. If you know something is wrong, be sure to inquire past their first “Nothing’s wrong” answer.  And when the real answer comes out, regardless of how bad or shocking it is, don’t respond with anger or disappointment. Just listen. Establishing a line of communication is far more important at this point than scolding or getting your “I told you so” point across. 

Sometimes just by asking questions you empower teens to apply the values you have taught them to their own current situation. Your questions might also encourage your teen to ask questions of you. And if she does start asking questions, she might be inviting you to a dark and shameful corner of her world. I always tell parents to ask questions, because I know it works. 

II. Communicate Respect in Times of Conflict 

Maintaining an attitude of respect is key. It is basically putting your child first and showing them respect, even as you demand the same of them. This affects your tone and demeanor, since you wouldn’t yell at, belittle, or talk down to someone you respect. Show grace and respect in the way you communicate to your teen and they’ll learn to do the same with you. 

In times of conflict, my goal for every difficult and sometimes heated discussion is this: At the end of the argument, I want there to be an opportunity for us to hug one another, even if I didn’t change my mind nor lessened the consequences. That’s the goal. Even if we can’t agree, I still remain in charge, and we can at least agree to disagree because it was all talked out. 

Being respectful has nothing to do with how right you are and how wrong they are. It has nothing to do with the discipline you may need to apply to their behavior.  It has everything to do with maintaining the right approach whenever you talk to your teen, and thereby maintaining your relationship. Sometimes when you need to address an issue, I again recommend asking a question. Asking a thoughtful question can help engage their thinking process and the system of beliefs you’ve taught them. You may be surprised to find they come to the right conclusion all on their own when they are shown respect in this way. 

III. Communicate by Listening More, Speaking Less 

Not talking is one action. Listening is another action. Just because you’re not talking doesn’t mean you’re listening. God gave us two ears and one mouth because He wanted us to listen twice as much as we talk (okay, not really, but it gets the point across). You may hear what your teen is saying, but are you really listening without trying to correct him or get him to answer the correct way? 

Most of the time, your teen says things to you or to others not to communicate valuable information, but simply to process life. She doesn’t need a response or a judgment, she doesn’t need an opinion or a solution, and she probably isn’t really asking for anything. She just needs a listening ear. So take time to listen – slowly. 

A Sunday school teacher once asked the ten-year-olds in her class, “What’s wrong with grown-ups?” A boy responded, “Grown-ups never really listen because they already know what they’re going to answer.” 

If this sounds like you, it may be time to admit that listening is not something you do well. Polishing up your listening skills is never a bad idea. Good listening habits can easily get tossed aside in the business of life. But the way you listen to your child goes a long way in determining his willingness to share his deep concerns with you. And if you ever want him to listen to you, then you had better teach him how to listen by your example. Practice listening to your child. Position yourself at his eye level, and make lots of eye contact. And don’t worry about your answers. 

She doesn’t need a response or a judgment, she doesn’t need an opinion or a solution, and she probably isn’t really asking for anything. She just needs a listening ear.

All teens want to do is talk and have someone listen to them. If a teen shares what is on her heart, and that is missed by a parent more concerned about the delivery of the message than the heart of the communication, that teen will eventually quit sharing. If your teen is in the shutdown mode, there is a reason. And the reason may be that you aren’t listening to what’s being said anyway. 

Most kids want to say, “My parents listened to me, and they heard me and they valued me.” For your kid to say that, I’d say you are moving toward perfection. If you are willing to just listen, you might touch the heart of your teen and convey a sense of value. Don’t worry about your answer, just focus on listening as your teen shares their heart. 

If you’ve been a bad listener, keep working at it, and share your desire to be a better listener.  Find opportunities for your teen to talk, even it seems a bit forced at first.  Eventually, with diligence on your part, your teen will again learn to trust their dreams, thoughts and questions with you.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:  Mark Gregston is an author, speaker, radio host, and the founder and executive director of Heartlight, a residential program for struggling adolescents. Mark is on Facebook @parentingteens. 

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Listen online to Mark’s weekly radio program last weekend on this same topic…  

No parent communicates perfectly with their teen. But in the tough world kids live in today, more than ever, teens need their parents to speak truth into their lives.  On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston helps parents keep their child’s best interest in mind.  Learn to ask the right questions and grow from your communication mistakes.  Listen now here.

COME TO HEARTLIGHT JULY 15-17 TO LEARN FOR YOURSELF HOW TO TURN AROUND YOUR TEEN —  Our Families In Crisis Weekend Retreat is designed to provide the parents of difficult teens many of the skills we teach our own staff. Mark Gregston will teach you the skills you need to cope with and direct a misbehaving teen in a totally new and more effective way.  Register here:  www.familycrisisconference.com 

Help, I Need Somebody

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Remember these lyrics? “Help, I need somebody.  Help, not just any body.  Help, you know I need someone, Help!”  I heard these lyrics for the first time when I was 10 years old.  

This “plea” has become one that I hear now every day from parents, grandparents, and youth ministers across this country seeking help for those teens around them.  Needless to say, it could be the theme song for Parenting Today’s Teens.  Our mission is to help as many people as we can.  I write today requesting your help in fulfilling that mission.

Would you consider helping us organize a Turbulence Ahead event for your city or community?

Because the requests for “Help!” have been so many, and because need is so great, we have decided to have 7 one-week Turbulence Ahead Seminar tours throughout the U.S. this next year, speaking at 6 different venues in different cities each week and focusing on particular sections of the country.  These tours will be in the Northwest, Southwest, Upper Central U.S., Southeast, South Central U.S., Northeast, and the middle states.

These events will be either a one-night speaking opportunity that is divided into three 45-minute segments, a six-hour Saturday event, a Friday & Saturday night event, or a combination of any of these formats.  Our hope is to determine a city that we will be in, and then utilize our e-mail list, publicity, radio contacts, and relationships to make the event a success.  We’d either charge $20 a person to attend, or take a love-offering just to make sure that we cover the expenses of coming to your city.  No one on the tour will benefit financially from the events, including myself.  Our desire is to “Help!” people bring hope and direction to parents.

If you would like to help us put on a Turbulence Ahead event in your city, would you please respond to this e-mail and/or call our guy that coordinates all these events, Sam Sheeley, at 903.668.2173, or e-mail him at sam@TurbulenceAhead.org.

We need a person in each city to help coordinate, arrange, and market the event.  The responsibilities would entail working with us to make sure that as many people know about the event as possible, participating on a committee that would help push the event, and introducing everyone that night of the event.

You can be that lifeline that so many people are desperately searching for.

Most people are writing me saying, “I need your help.”  Now, I’m writing asking for yours.  Let me know what you think and I look forward to seeing you at one of our upcoming events, hopefully in your city.

Thankful for your Help,

Mark

Signs of Drug Use in Teens and Tweens

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If you’ve seen an unexplainable or drastic change in your teenager’s honesty, grades, behavior, attentiveness, or friends, it may not be hormones. It could be that they are experimenting with intoxicating substances that are as close as your kitchen drawer, medicine cabinet or garage.

It used to be that older teens were most susceptible to drug experimentation, but kids today are experimenting earlier and earlier.  In fact, 10- to 14- year-olds are now the most likely to begin experimenting with one intoxicating substance or another. >> Article continued…

Prodigal Fathers

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Have you ever considered the father figure in the Parable of the Prodigal to be the focus of that story, not the wayward son? After all, the word “father” is mentioned many more times than the word “son.”

A “prodigal” is defined as one who “spends extravagantly.” While the son spent his inheritance; it was the father who was the most extravagant, both with his money and with his love. It was the father who was the prodigal.

Whether or not Jesus’ parable was taken from a real life example, I imagine it wouldn’t be easy for any father to see his son live a sinful lifestyle and waste his inheritance. But there is no mention of the father bringing brute force or threats to bear to hold back his son or to bring him home, any more than God forces Himself on us. >> Article continued…

Teens Obsessed With Video Games

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More than 2.5 billion video games have been sold worldwide and the industry is growing exponentially.  In fact, video game sales now surpass sales of both music and movies. For millions of kids and young adults, playing video games has become an obsession.

To give you some history, I grew up in New Orleans – not exactly the most conservative city. But when I was a kid, people weren’t allowed to play pinball games at the arcade until they were 21. That seems like a silly law today, especially since nowadays nearly every family has their own version of a pinball arcade right in their own home. I find nothing wrong with most of these games. In fact, playing them together with your teen is a great way to connect. But some kids and young adults are being consumed by them, and that’s where the problem lies. >> Article continued…

Internet Safety for Teens

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In the 60′s, Christian parents were outraged over the “shocking” youth culture.  However, parents today may wish for the “good old 60′s,” because on all levels, kids today are into far worse stuff, thanks mostly to the Internet. 

Who would have ever thought that the Internet would beat out television and movies as the most time-consuming form of entertainment for teens?  It has! 96% of all teens in the U.S. daily access the Internet, averaging more than four hours online every day.  It now affects every family in some way, since it can be accessed in many more ways than it once could, and it is being used by teens in ways that may shock some less Internet-savvy parents.  So, it is especially important for parents to know how their kids are interacting via digital media today, while also understanding that completely removing it isn’t always the best move.  >> Article continued…

To Tell the Truth

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“A lying tongue hates those it hurts, and a flattering mouth works ruin.” -­ Proverbs 26:28 

There seems to be an avalanche of dishonesty across all sectors of our society today.  And when kids see dishonesty as a strategy to get ahead — as is the focus of most reality TV shows, or as a way to gain power — as it is in the political realm, it’s natural for them to emulate that. Sadly, it’s hard to find an unimpeachably honest public figure or champion of honesty today.

Kids lie for the same reasons that adults lie…to lift themselves up, to get ahead, to destroy their competition, or to protect themselves and avoid consequences.  When they spend hours daily making up puffed-up stories about themselves on the Internet, or using cruel dishonesty to tear down their enemies or competition, the lines between the virtual world and the real world begin to fade.  Kids being dishonest in a fantasy world are likely to bring that over to the real world as well. >> Article continued…

Undoing Parenting Mistakes

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Don’t you wish there was a great big “Undo” button in life; where you could completely erase your parenting mistakes? I bet some parents would give anything for such a button. 

Unfortunately, there is no such “undo” button.  But perhaps the best way to avoid the need for one is to avoid the kind of mistakes parents sometimes make.  To learn what those could be, you might sit down with a few veteran parents to ask them what they would have done differently if they could turn back time; in other words, what they would have “undone” if they could have.  And that’s exactly what I did this week, through our Facebook page.  Hindsight is always 20-20, and if the regrets expressed by these parenting veterans are taken to heart by current and upcoming parents, it may help the “rookies” avoid some of the same heartaches. >> Article continued…